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On line dating site flirting!

(43 Posts)
Nonogran Tue 15-Mar-22 21:58:00

A dear friend has just come off the phone to me in floods of tears because she has discovered that her fiancé -partner of many years (but less than 10) has been exchanging newsy, flirty, kissy kissy emails with other women via a subscription on line dating site.

Both are in their seventies and he is impotent but as they don’t live together all the time she can’t know if, when her back is turned, he is meeting these women. She says he’s very complimentary to them & clearly they are anxious to meet him. He’s shared profile photos of himself which were taken by her on holidays together so that’s hurt her even more.

My advice to her was not to panic, take a deep breath and sleep on it. I’ve suggested that in time she might find a subtle way to challenge him & ask him to explain. He’s not been well recently & she’s spent considerable time assisting him over the last 12 months with practical issues and which have sapped her energy, helping him with the nightmare of an intestate family bereavement. Clearing the house and garden etc. has been heavy work. She feels betrayed.
My advice is that she should think of him as a “silly old fool” and not to throw baby out with the bath water because their relationship is generally strong and they have good times together when he’s well enough.
I think she should hold her cards up her sleeve & keep her antennae up.
What advice would other Grans give?

Galaxy Thu 17-Mar-22 14:29:15

Ugh. Who wants to waste their time like this.

Kathymature1 Tue 22-Mar-22 23:39:25

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Oldladynewlife Wed 23-Mar-22 01:18:35

So she is good enough to do the scut work while he fantasizes about other women? Surely there is no question she should kick him to the curb.

Esmay Wed 23-Mar-22 10:04:28

I think that most of us would say goodbye to this horrible creep of a nan ,who is plainly using her .

Poor lady .

MawtheMerrier Wed 23-Mar-22 10:11:23

Sauce - goose - gander

I’m not sensing much in the way of love or mutually respectful relationships in some of these posts..
Libido, yes.

Startingover61 Wed 30-Mar-22 11:51:55

I divorced my husband of some 30 years five years ago; one of his infidelities was that he joined an online dating website and met up with other women while I was at work. As another poster has pointed out, this is a premeditated action. My then husband actually ended up leaving me for someone he met a few years later when he joined a walking group. To be honest, I don’t know why I didn’t divorce him a lot earlier than I did. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I know now that if I were in the shoes of the original poster’s friend, I wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of the partner. He may be ill but that doesn’t mean she has to give up her life for him.

timetogo2016 Wed 30-Mar-22 12:03:26

Get rid,he`s taking the pee big time.
There`s an old saying "the more you do,the more they will let you ".
You deserve to be treated with respect.

Esspee Wed 30-Mar-22 14:00:25

I still feel I would be showing him the door. It’s been a couple of weeks OP. Is your friend still putting up with her partner’s infidelity?

Witzend Wed 30-Mar-22 14:32:01

Just as well they don’t live together, IMO.

I think I’d just stop going round, or stop doing most (or all) of what he’s used to having done for him.

And when he asks why/acts all aggrieved/hard done by, I’d tell him that perhaps one of the women he’s chatting up online would like to come and run around after him, instead.

Oldwoman70 Wed 30-Mar-22 14:50:16

Sounds like he is using her as a nurse/secretary whilst looking for a "bit on the side"

If she really doesn't want to leave him, she should tell him she knows, tell him he has to decide whether he wants her or some unknown women on the internet and then leave him to his own devices for a few weeks.

kontik29 Thu 28-Apr-22 17:40:46

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Esspee Thu 28-Apr-22 18:05:51

Reported

eazybee Thu 28-Apr-22 19:00:52

My, your friend is very open about her relationship, isn't she.

I wonder why this couple are engaged as there seems no prospect of them marrying, and although they live together it is not a full time commitment. Is she just becoming a nursemaid? Why would she need more evidence to catch him out; isn't the evidence she has discovered by reading his personal emails enough, or doesn't she want him to know this?
If it were me, I would ask him outright what he is doing, then retire to my own home and leave him to stew while I thought hard about what I wanted from this relationship, and consider whether it is worth preserving.

Harris27 Thu 28-Apr-22 19:10:01

She deserves better.

evgeniaalex Thu 28-Apr-22 21:27:43

Dating sites are great. ]and I think it's a great solution for a single person to have fun. And I found my husband that way. We have been living for 4 years now and we are very happy that we registered on a dating site.

JenniferEccles Thu 28-Apr-22 23:06:03

‘Impotent needy old fool’ sums it up perfectly !
I think the best advice you could give your friend is to send him packing, telling him to try his luck with all these other women allegedly keen to get to know him.

Audi10 Fri 29-Apr-22 17:38:03

Give him the heave ho! She deserves much better