Granddaughter and partner issues

I’d be very clear with him. Tell him having your step granddaughter is non negotiable. Tell him he’s behaving like a child and you aren’t prepared to put up with it. Tell him if he doesn’t like the little girl and isn’t prepared to be nice to her then he must leave your house while she’s there so you can enjoy your time with her. Don’t compromise, you don’t owe him anything, so he needs to grow up or leave.

What hurts the most is the total disgust and distain he is showing towards me. Like I am something at the bottom of his shoe

Oh dear. He regards you with contempt and that is not something easily overcome in a relationship, (bitter experience). It won't improve and I think for your own future happiness and stability you have to end this relationship; your almost -granddaughter is a secondary consideration.

Good grief lady he left you for four years and just walked back into your life when he was ready
I m afraid he should walk right back out with the behaviour he is exhibiting probably with a boot up his backside
What on earth attracts you to this
Selfish, childish, controlling, unsupportive, punishing individual

Ask him to disappear for good he’s not worth the trouble of trying to make it right
Is it your house? change the locks quickly and put his stuff in boxes ready for dispatch

What a horrible situation to be put in , he is supposed to love you , how would he feel if it was you acting like this . True colours showing here . To be honest I want to say How Dare He !

Oh and of course I am the one who treats him like shit. Why? Because I am standing up to him. We live in my house.i owned it before we met. He doesn't have a house. He lives here for free. Only pays for his groceries and that's all. He always throws it up in my face that this is 'my house' and he gets no say. Which is absolute rubbish. He potters in the garden and does his own thing there. Also has a 'man cave' which he has turned into a bar room and done out how he likes. I keep saying well buy your own house and we'll live there if you don't like that this is 'my house '. I think he doesn't like it that he cannot tell me who can or can't come here. I honestly think I must just let him go. So very tired of always getting the blame for everything and always being told I treat him so badly.

You know the answers Ganny

I'm not one to rush in and say "LTB" as is the answer on Mumsnet, apparently as I'd always suggest compromising, talking things through.

But this time there is no point, he won't compromise, he is a bully. Frankly, he's got it made, hasn't he!
You managed for four years without him, you can do it again
Thank goodness it's your house in your name - it's time to pack his bags, send him on his way and change the locks. You have your lovely family who you may risk losing if this man stays in your life.

Granny now you’ve told the full story I agree absolutely with Callistemon and others giving similar advice. There is no compromise with this man. He leaves for 4 years and threatens to leave again. Well good go. If you give in now not only will you always be giving in but it will escalate to the point of where you daren’t put a foot wrong and you will lose all your self esteem and confidence. Get rid while you have the strength and get your life back.

Sorry should be Ganny.

I can't work out why you're allowing this unpleasant, controlling man-child come into your home and dictate to you who should be allowed to stay with you. He's basically telling you to choose between your GD and him. For a million reasons, don't choose him; Callistemon is right; show him the door.

As they say on Mumsnet; LTB. (That's IMO anyway....) He sounds like a nasty piece of work, to me.

Take back your power , it's your home , you've nothing to lose and much to gain . I wish you the very best

In the words of Gloria Gaynor -
I Will Survive

He is being manipulative and unreasonable. He has NO right to dictate who visits. If he so unable to deal with a child for the weekend then HE needs to go away!! Or, maybe you need to think about what you are actually getting from this relationship. Are there a lot of other "compromises" you are expected to make to keep the peace? Be honest with yourself on this one

why did you take him back.
and he doesn't even pay half the bills ????
why, just why, did you put up with this.
well now's the time, to have the delicious satisfaction of being the worm that turned.
that'll learn him !

What does this man bring to your life ganny2, I know myself I couldn’t entertain a man child acting up, no way Jose, he doesn’t do compromises, showing you total disdain and disgust, he’s an abusive controller

I would show him the door very quickly you don't need a controlling bully in your life get rid fast and start enjoying your life & your family

Hi all. So it's been 2 weeks he's been sleeping in spare room now. Some days he talks to me others he doesn't. Some days when he speaks its with total distain. Some days I want him to go. Some days I don't. Seems like I have lost the ability to know my own mind. It has been 14 years of him treating me well mixed with him treating me like dog poop. When he's treating me bad it can go on for weeks. He is unable to talk calmly and maturely about a problem. I haven't even tried to talk this time. Not sure exactly what I've done wrong but no doubt in his mind I do everything wrong. Has anyone else experienced this type of behavior where you feel as if you are getting punished like a child? Please I need the strength to let go of this man. Once and for all.

Ask him to pack his bags and be out by the weekend. Please, please tell us you are not cooking and doing his laundry?

At the very least he should be paying half the household bills including groceries plus taking you out regularly and buying you gifts. Frankly I would hope he would in addition offer you the amount he was saving in rent.

On mumsnet they have a name for men like him, a cocklodger. You are allowing this. Please show some self respect as you are worth more than this.

My daughter has a partner like this - it is very hard to listen to how he treats her. It depends how much you are prepared to put up with against managing on your own. Wishing you well - he has been lucky to have you x

The thing is, if it isn't this issue, it will be another.
He isn't happy unless he has what he thinks is,the upper hand.

Insidious and nasty form of bullying.

Why not write down a list of the things he has objected to, and his manipulative ways, and cast your eyes over them.

Imagine a friend living under the rules that he is trying to impose.

What would you tell a friend to do?

Sorry you have all this to deal with and hats off to you for reaching out and being there for the little girl, that is lovely of you.

It seems to me that there is jealousy lurking about in your partners case. Its utterly ridiculously childish of him to behave the way he has/is, he should be supportive, but that isn't helping you at all is it ! Saying he is this that and the other isnt helping the situation and i feel that by saying to your son the little girl can no longer come to your home is allowing your partner to get his own way and it seems he is renowned to getting his own way all throughout your relationship.

Serious discussion needs to take place with you saying a time in your life has arrived where you are not skirting around him ANYMORE..
. X

Ganny you know you have to get him out. This is not a partnership. He is making you desperately unhappy. Please tell him to leave NOW. Break up with him. Tell him it is over and why.

BUT If you are scared about how he will react, if you feel in any danger, then speak to police re having him removed. But please get him out and start living the life you deserve

This is an abusive relationship. People made captive often get attached to their captor no matter how badly treated. When they are finally set free they realise. Please escape and find yourself again.

25Avalon

This is an abusive relationship. People made captive often get attached to their captor no matter how badly treated. When they are finally set free they realise. Please escape and find yourself again.

Stockholm Syndrome

You're being used by a sulky, childish, selfish bully who contributes nothing to the running of your house, who comes and goes as he pleases...and for years at a time.

He threatens you, is using emotional blackmail, is unpleasant to an 8 year old and has no place of his own.

Get rid. He's wiping his shoes on you and you are letting him. Life's too short. If he went [just tell him where to go] you would find yourself again no doubt, at the moment you are in a prison of his and your making.

Thank God you have your own house.