I apologise in advance for the length of this.
My 22 year old son, who at the time was about to start his 3rd year at Uni, went on his dream trip to Viet-Nam last summer. When he returned he had met and fallen in love with a 30 year old woman. This was his first serious relationship and she came to visit us in September last year when they were both back from their trip.
I am a 65 year old single parent, my ex husband being foreign. He still lives abroad and comes from a very disfunctional family. We were comparatively poor when my son and I returned from abroad, but circumstances had landed a substantial inheritance on me and I was able to afford to pay my son's Uni fees, to buy a large new house and a very nice car for cash. I had (mistakenly ?) lavished much love and attention on my son, possibly too much. We had a very close relationship as we have no other family here in the U.K. He hadn't had to work to pay his way through Uni and he was aiming for a high degree in order to merit my paying off all his student debt as an incentive to doing well. There was no new relationship for me although I did try internet dating for years, met some nice people, but never managed to create that special magical spark.
I was very excited to meet the new girlfriend and was determined to make a wonderful MIL if they were going to be together. However, although I work in a school and am used to young people, nothing had prepared me for the kind of behaviour and talk which she used whilst staying at my home that first time. When I met her I knew something was not quite right but was unable to put a finger on it. There were lies (I found out later), talk of drugs, no evidence of how she earned her living, she walked around naked upstairs, in front of me, after showering , and made enquiries of me as to how much money my house was worth. Her twin sisters both had babies this year, and I suspected she would want a baby too, especially as she was the older sister, and indeed, that baby arrived this month.
On leaving Uni, my son had no job, he had put all his overdraft allowance into a joint bank account which the girlfriend used to rent a flat for a single person in the centre of town into which they all must fit. He did not get a good degree and blamed it on her constant need for attention and entertainment.
I discovered that since she was a child she had been suffering from an anxiety syndrome. This lead to a lot of screaming down the telephone at my son if he failed to please her in anything. There were upset phone calls from him to me when the relationship became apparently impossible for him, accusing her of being aggressive, belligerent, selfish and self-centred.
He tried to get a job in the army so that he would not have to spend time with her but would still be the child's father. The army did not take him. He himself has been suffering from the lack of a father's presence and vowed that would not happen to his son. He also had to go to the doctor suffering with depression as he was under an incredible amount of stress. I became very worried about the state of his mental health.
At one point they became homeless and I put them up in my home whilst they were flat hunting. I ferried them back and forth collecting their things and bringing them to mine. I filled the fridge up for them, did their washing and took care of them, both of them, considering both of them to be part of my family. I took a three day trip to visit friends in London so that they could have some privacy and space and she took the opportunity to invite her father, sister, brother in law and baby to my house in my absence without asking my permission in advance, just informing me of it once she'd made her plans.
I had asked to meet her family many times but she had always refused saying that her family did not like being out of their own home. The father stayed the night. When he left there was not even a thank you note left for me. Then one day I was ill and my son brought me a cup of tea to my room and sat with me awhile to find out what was wrong and what could he do. When he returned downstairs the girlfriend went quite potty saying that he had spent 45 minutes talking to me when she was pregnant and needed taking care of. The next day she ran away. However, they are still together, with the baby now, in another town, to be near her family, my son to my knowledge still jobless. My son wanted to end the relationship. but is very much under her thumb and they have refused to let me have the new address, I'm not allowed onto his facebook account, and it is clear they have both cut me out completely, my son said that she has a list of criticisms against me and will never forgive me for coming between them. I had not been aware that I had, but am quite willing to looking at whatever it was that I had done wrong. They won't tell me what it was that I did wrong. The night before he left my house my son hurled abuse at me, refused to give me the new address and made it clear I was not welcome into their lives under any circumstances.
So, I have lost my son and I shall never meet my grandson. I am trying hard to get my head back together and am about to join the Rotary Club. But I am hurt, angry and grieving and find it difficult to see a point to anything.