cut out of thier lives 2

I like your mission though Otw that's the way to go, believe me

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just waved goodbye to my ND and her friend and little baby. It was lovely holding little Joshua, wished it had been my own GC though. I, like you Otw, feel I must reconcile myself to never seeing my beloveds again, the pain will never go away, I'm sad all day every day and that will not change! Coming on this forum is my counselling, can't get better than from others in the same boat. Thing that hurts me a lot is knowing s.i.l's mother is being called 'nannie' by my precious Laila, when shes not her nannie at all(no blood relative, just Laila's step-dads mum), she will be the one at my Laila's nativity plays, sports days, Birthday parties and Xmas and in her day to day life, yet this women joined her son (my s.i.l) in separating me from my beloveds, knowing I had done absolutely nothing wrong, big jealous is their reason, as I was so very close to my D and GD before they came along.
When will my D 'lift the fog from her brain' her words when she came to stay with me, when this all began with their big fight, Jenni said after a few days "mum, its like a fog has lifted from my brain and I can think properly again for the first time in ages!" But I fear she has been brain-washed too far, to ever come back again

I've asked GN to delete my last post. I feel it wasn't in keeping with this sensitive thread. Apologies if I offended anyone

Aka - it was understable...

You didn't offend anyone aka I am sure is horrid if someone has been unkind we have enough of that.

Had good weekend saw my twin brother and his
After for lunch yesterday dance sat night just wish could feel brighter in use of takes long time I think yogagirl we both had horrid setback and I personally finding it so hard to bounce back !

Celebran

Morning Girls
Nothing to report, Just that the pain dosen't ease no matter what I try, I miss my beloveds soooo much. One minute I'm thinking I'll never see them ever again and this makes me feel sooo bad, then I day dream about a knock on the door to find my beloveds standing there eager to come in (D having left him) and this lifts my spirits for a minute.
Any good news from anyone on here? Im off to a Murder Mystery dinner tonight, and no of course I don't wish my s.i.l was the victim
to you all and for tonight!

Enjoy the dinner yogagirl.

I too blame s I law but realise daughter to blame too she could write to us if she wanted.

We keeping busy went day out wed and saw Neil diamond tribute so last night oh working sat which will be hard day for me but hey oh we got barn dance Tom night.

Last time oh worked sat depressed myself re reading letter daughter wrote ending our relationship won't do that Tom!

Off b pressure check shortly help hope lower do nt want take more tablets,

My heart felt thanks to all of you wonderful ladies who have spoken so honestly about such a painful topic. This is my first posting and knowing that I can share my own experiences with the only people who can truly understand, fellow victims, is a life line.

I last saw my g.s. on the 30.09.12 (hence my user name) when he was 7 months old. Problems with our d.i.l. began when she was pregnant and intensified the day after he was born. There was a terrible row in August but we were still able to talk to our son who promised more than once that he would never stop us from seeing our g.s. because he knew how much we loved him.

Things were still tense but we felt there had been progress especially when he bought our g.s. to our home to leave him with us for a couple of hours. We were going on holiday the following week for 3 weeks and when he collected him, I told my g.s. we would see him soon, on our return. Our son wished us a good holiday and safe journey (we were travelling abroad). 5 days after we returned was my son's birthday. I 'phoned him as I had done every year since he'd left home to wish him a happy birthday and tell him his card and present were here for him to collect. To my horror after I had dialed the number I heard this message 'the person you are calling is not accepting calls from this number'. He has said and done some terrible things in the last 18 months but that was the worst. I felt a knife go straight to my heart. I haven't spoken to him since.

After a considerable amount of effort my husband managed to meet up with him about 5 months ago. The meeting lasted for 4 hours and my husband was horrified at our son's anger, bitterness and resentment together with the lies that he not only told him, but had already told to our other child, his older brother.

We live in a village and my son lives a 2 minute walk down the road from our home. Between the 2 houses lives my brother and mother. Next door to them lives 2 of my son's and d.i.l.'s best friends. They have children and during the beautiful summer we have just had our g.s. could be heard playing in their back garden. Next door to them lives our g.s.'s child minder.

Every day when I leave the house I wonder if I will see my beautiful g.s. Will he be with one or both of his parents? the child minder or his maternal grandparents?

If they see me in the distance and they are near enough to their house, which along with my brother we partly own, they go back inside. I know she is too much of a coward to face me; I used to think it was partly cowardice and conscience from my son but I don't know after all that he has done if there is enough decency left in him to have a conscience.

People ask me 'how do you bear it'? What else can I do. There is a line in the film 'Shawshank Redemption' - 'get busy living or get busy dying'. I'm not going any where. I'm trying to get on with my life the best I can. It isn't easy as you can all attest too. I have lost my son but I am and will always be his mother. I may be the grandmother my g.s. does not know but I am and will always be his grandmother.

It is terrible living with the injustices metered out by others. How much worse will it ultimately be for those whom have systematically caused pain and suffering to parents/parents in law whose only crime has been to love their children and desire to love their g.c.

Thanks for listening; apologies for such a long posting.

Welcome to the club of sorrows Smileless. I'm really so sorry to hear your sad tale, I too live very near my D and GC and did see my nasty, cruel s.i.l out with my darling GC one Sunday,in their double buggie,(which is most unusual for him and made me wonder if my D was ok) I stopped the car in the middle of the road, so as to see my beloveds, he stuck his middle finger up at me! my GC didn't see me, but it was so nice to see them after so many months apart. Its coming up to a year soon, since I was cut out of their lives, I had done nothing (as is the case with all on here it would seem) it is all down to spiteful jealousy from my s.i.l and his mother, s.i.l is step-dad to my lovely little Laila and I do worry about her and wonder if she is ok. I haven't smiled in this last year either, I just wish I had a big book that I could open and see when this hell will stop. for you Smileless
Enjoy your barn dance Celebgran, I'm off to get ready for my Murder Mystery dinner now! Yes our D's are to blame too, they could just say "No", I certainly would have, if I'd been told by my husband to cut my Mother out of my and my C lives, knowing how much she and my Dad loved them so.

Thanks Yogagirl for welcoming me to the club of sorrows. Never in my worst nightmare could I have envisaged qualifying as a member, but as I do, I'm really glad this club exists.

What a terrible thing for your s.i.l. to do. It must be very difficult for you. At least I have a woman to deal with and there's no way she would had the nerve to be so confrontational. Neither would my S for that matter which is why they both hide on the rare occasions they see me coming towards them.

It will be my S's. birthday on 02.11.13; he will be 29. We've swung from sending him a bday card to not doing so, especially after last years' terrible experience. Friends and family give us conflicting advice. Some say we should to keep the door open, others that we shouldn't. We've decided not to. He has chosen to totally exclude us from his life so maybe he should begin to experience the reality of what he has done. If we sent a card and it was pushed back through our letter box how would that make us feel? At this moment in time my door is closed. It has to be because I just can't give him the opportunity to do something else to hurt me.

I hope you enjoyed your Murder Mystery dinner; we need to be doing our best to get on with our lives don't we. for you Yogagirl thank you for mine.

Hello Smileless
I will not be sending my D a Birthday card next month either, as she dosen't deserve one after all the cruelty of this whole year. My NiceD (her elder sister) wont be sending one either, nor I hope will the other females in our family that have been 'cut out', my s.i.l dosen't believe in sending cards, so I'm hoping that when my D see no Birthday cards up on her Birthday, she may think about the terrible thing she has allowed to happen to our once close and loving family

Welcome from mento smileless!

It is lifeline having people in similar boats,

Agree is hell to decide what to do, yogagirl knows we decided this year no presents especially now there are 2 we never seen.
Damn hard though,

Every part of me wands to drive over but is 40 miles and know she won't see me if s I law there he will there're police. Nightmare. Yes I too could never have dreamt it. My caring thoughtful daughter who i thought lovespd us so!

Blip today as oh working had few tears but just walked. My little King Charles and now going have very late lunch!
Keep strong both of you to us all x

Morning Celebgran
Hope you suvived your Sat night alone. You have a lovely little dog, I have a little Westie, good therapy to go for a walk in a nice park or by the sea with her. Im off to do an hours 'work' and then off to London with my ND and prev.sister.i.l, hope the hurricane waits till I get back home! Enjoy your Sunday everyone.

Thank you Yogagirl and Celebgran for sharing your thoughts on the bday. card situation. It really does help to know how others are dealing with the same problems.

I came across this quote a few weeks ago; often wonder it I should send it to my s. 'There is not only a second chance, there are a thousand second chances, to speak up, to act bravely, to face the fact that sooner or later must be faced' William Maxwell (from Time Will Darken It). Our s's. and d's. are going to have to face up to what they have done and allowed to be done by others. Life at the moment is sometimes almost too painful to bare; but I wouldn't want to be in my s's. shoes when he eventually faces 'the fact that sooner or later must be faced'; his unjustifiable betrayal of his parents.

Here, Here Smileless

I'VE GOT MY SON BACK!! Heard through my ND that he was going through a bad time, lost his flat and his girlfriend, so I txt him and told him to come home and how much I've missed him and how much I love him. We spoke on the ph and then met up in London where he lives. It was so good to see him after all this time, Im so happy. He had had his long hair cut short and smart and looked lovely. We had a kiss and cuddle and exchanged "I love you's". He is staying with friends, so not coming back home, his Birthday is on Tues (27yrs!) so it was wonderful to be able to give him his card and Bday money, knowing I will be speaking to him on 'The day'. So, one piece of the jigsaw of my family put back where it belongs, 'Thank God'.
For those who don't know my story; My Son, whom I've always been very close to and have never even had one argument with, who would always give me a kiss and actually lift me off my feet with a big cuddle, saying he loves me very much when he came home to visit and ph for chats at least ones per week, got sucked into my s.i.l's dark world of hate and recriminations, so I lost my Son as well, as unbelieveably, to me and my ND, he believed s.i.l's lies about me, of which I still don't know what was said, (s.i.l is a pathological liar). My Son has never drunk alcohol, even in his Uni days, but when he became "best mates" with my s.i.l, he got him smoking 'pot', 'say no more'. So you can see the horrible Power of my s.i.l, he is not someone to get on the wrong side of!

What fantastic news Yogagirl I can imagine how happy you must be

That's really lovely Yogagirl

So happy for you, Yogagirl. It must have been hell for you.

Oh fantastic yogagirl so pleased for you! X x

Dear Yogagirl,
So many congratulations to you for having survived the wilderness year- and getting your son back . I too have much good news in that regard; my DD has been in touch and our relationship seems as it was . However , having been removed twice before , it does feel quite unreal. Dear Smileless, it is so sad to have to welcome you but I promise you , that these ladies have put a cast iron spring in my step on days when leaving the tear-stained bed seemed like mission impossible .

I think , if it lasts , that I will never be able to completely relax or totally trust my DD but I will try , as we all do , to find and celebrate our differences as well as our similarities . I think, therefore , that this is not the end of my time here , not least because I do not wish to forget the pain and suffering all of us have had to withstand , but because you are all such loving ladies . I wish you all a lovely day - one in which you find the inner peace from knowing that you love your children still ; but like all good parents we have to wait for them to find their way back , the longest and hardest wait .

I cannot tell you Yogagirl how thrilled I am that you have your S back. The relationship you had with him is exactly the same as the one I had with mine. There was a time when we thought he and his wife would turn our other S against us but since he went to Australia in March, we have re discovered the bond. I know some of the lies they told him about me as he discussed them with his father. He has never mentioned them to me and never told his father what he thinks about them; if he believes them or not. I am worried this may be an elephant in the room when we go to Aus. to visit him in April.

We will have nearly 4 weeks with him and it will have been just over a year since he left. I don't want to talk to him about it because our time together will be too precious to tarnish.

for you Otw10413 to celebrate your wonderful news. I hope one day I will be able to find inner peace in the knowledge that I still love my S. For now, loving him makes it all the more difficult. Sometimes I wish I didn't and every day I wonder if he still loves me.

It has been great to hear your good news Yogagirl and Otw10413 you have both bought some to my day.

It's great to see another happy story to give hope to others. So pleased for you yogagirl. Life doesn't become all sweetness and light after that longed for reunion, as you remain acutely aware of how things can go awry again, but it really does feel great to have them back in your life and able to show them how much you care.

Yogagirl, I've been following this thread but haven' really commented yet. I'm so pleased for you - I do know that feeling of pure joy when we once again have a 'lost one' back in our fold again. All's right in your world again, . Best of best wishes to everyone else who is going through the pain that estrangement brings.