cut out of thier lives 2

Dear Ladies,
You are all courageous ! This year I went through two brief ( by comparison to many) periods of exile. Yesterday I hugged my daughter , GD and every piercing pain of those periods evaporated. It is so important that you recognise that keeping and indeed cherishing the love you have for those who mistreat you will strengthen you in the long run. It makes you realise that whilst you'd have things so very different your beloved children are blind to your wishes, choices and needs. They probably think we are the same but in truth, as we all did when they were young , we have no choice but remain firm in our principled beliefs , love them from the distance they have put us at and hope that they make better decisions in the future . In the meanwhile , everything I have said amounts to the toughest job in the world ! So as I said before, you are all so strong, be gentle on yourselves , celebrate how loving you are and hope for the best but live your lives with the grace of the loving, because that's what you all are ! My thoughts are with you often , I don't know whether I'll remain lucky with my lovely D and SiL and GD but you lot have made my journey so much easier . to every one of you !

It's always harder at this time of year -3rd Christmas of no contact with my only grandson even though he's only a mile away.Even more heartbreaking for my son
As suggested by Elegran I try to.concentrate on what is good in my life light a candle and send love to my GS and to all children cut off from their families.

P.S.Jeremy Vine (and Joan Bakewell) have an hours programme tomorrow Fri at 12 noon on Radio 2.where we can send messages to those we are missing.

Link to Jeremy Vine prog.
- Radio 2 - Jeremy Vine - Who are you missing this Christmas?

- Radio 2 - Jeremy Vine - Who are you missing this Christmas?

Oops try again

Lovely ladies all, we started 2013 in deep, we thought everlasting, despair with no hope and that changed from nowhere. Our problems are very far from over, but compared to last year, well there is no comparison. I know that however long it may take, your stories will change too. The pain is in the time between and, like us, the conviction that it will never end.

I wish you everything possible for Christmas, keep your hope candles lit, and how wonderful if life turns around for you in 2014. Much love.

Smiless and yogagirl how are you both bearing up? I am having very low start to today! Lights broke in window just before Gra went work they were cheapo and I knocked the over second time this week finished them off!
Just feel sad and low like no ne cares!

Enjoyed meal out Thursday with our. Nice friends not so sure now Val is lovely but her husband rounded on me and said have given me 20 deposit she it was 10 really upset us. Gra rang and he apologised leaves nasty taste.

No word from my niece or sister sent little girl birthday card is today.

Just on low must get grip hopefully my nephew bringing baby Danika see us tomorrow.

Thank you Nanban for keeping in touch with us on here and sharing your good news of being reunited and trying to give us all hope. "Merry Christmas"
Celebgran I care, and everyone else on here cares about you, its the time of year when our senses are hightened and therefore any little knock really seems to hurt. to try and cheer you up.
I had a great night out last night, it was our Christmas Yogi dinner and dance, and boy did we dance, too much wine though, so recovering today! I'm out again tonight at our Christmas Hafla, definately no wine for me tonight, soft drinks only

Yogagirl is right, we do all care about you Celebgran. I feel as if all of my nerves are on the outside at the moment. Ever since Wednesday evening I've been telling myself 'this time next week it'll all be over'. Isn't that just terrible wishing Christmas was over; and I used to love it so much.

We had a lovely time last night, a little pre Christmas, Christmas dinner, with good friends, crackers, party poppers, wine and champagne.

Just finished making my mince pies, even that made me sad bec. my s always loved my mince pies. I used to make a couple of dozen extra and take them round to him. Was going to make him a few and add a little extra, laxatives sprung to mind, but decided to be a good girl in case Santa found out and then I might not get any pressies this year!! It was a nice wicked thought though. Oh and of course I couldn't have risked my beautiful gs eating a 'special' mince pie.

Glad you had a good night Yogagirl. You might feel like at least one glass of later, any way isn't 'the hair of the dog' supposed to be the way to go. Have another great night.

We're out tonight and tomorrow night and then out again on Christmas Eve. Thought a busy social calendar would help take my mind of certain things and keep my spirits up. Certainly seems to help.

Hope keeping busy helps all of you too. for you all. Well it is Saturday and nearly Christmas.

How lovely to hear from you Nanban

A agh yogagirl so glad you had fun. I walked into frinton with Rosie to deliver coffee and cake to oh wh working drove back! Bit weird sharing car.
My so. Sent me lovely next but I everything making me tearful, thanks for your lovely support, hope smiless is ok.

Nanban if only happy ending for all of us. So glad things better for you you deserve it.

We in tonight but do hope see little babe my great niece Tom.

Keep smiling all and thanks yogagirl your doing so well feel guilty for having wallow today.

Just did post as must crossed with smiless not sure what's happened, I a so damn needy really when oh work then tears start!

However been busy bee and made meat pie, sausage rolls and
Mince pies. Must had lunch and now going gorge on jam donut from bakers bought on walk! Got one for oh too. Then a little doze before cleaning bathrooms. We home tonight very unusual! Out Tom in Monday and out Tuesday, got lovely text s from son just made me more tearful.

Well done smiless we must been cooking together!

Support from you and yogagirl been invaluable for me!
Enjoy and have fun smiless you too yogagirl
Just feel such for mums and daughters did mum and daughter manicure tues hard not to long for when she was in my life.

Have been busy did client who came out hospital yesterday she asked me to do her feet also oh dear ! Such lovely lady could not refuse.

Also got appts for jan so go keep busy.

Thanks both of you for caring x

oh what lovely afternoon with my nephew and their baby girl!
I cuddled her and held her most of the time! It really did me good!
hope you both Yogagirl and Smiless having good day.

We off out tonight.

I also called to see my sister, (is her daughter who fallen out with us over her partner and their split etc etc) she made us welcome tho they had friends there, we had coffee, so pleased about that!

in all a good day!

Hello Girls
I'm the same SmilelessI always loved Christmas, now when its said '4 more days to the Big Day', instead of feeling happy I think 'Oh, No!'. Glad to hear you decided on being a 'good girl' and you had a nice pre-Christmas dinner. Yes, going out and keeping busy does take your mind of things, but that's only just started to work for me. You trying to make us all fat, with all that cake and wine?
Hi Celebgran I know its hard but you must distract yourself when your feeling low, come onto our page and let out your feelings, it will make you feel better and we can do our best to try and pull you through this. It's nice when someone comes back on and lets us know their good news of reunion, like Nanban it gives us all some hope, that we all need right now.
I had a great night out last night in the end, seemed to feel better as I was getting ready to go out, ended up having a couple of Baileys and danced the night away again! Felt tired this morning, had my last Yoga class at 10.30, made it hard but fun with cards and choc's for all at end, so that was nice. But then when I got home and took my little dog out for walkies, it was like a 'let down' as all my classes and parties are now finished, so felt sad as I walked out, thinking of my beloveds and how we should all be together at Christmas time
Also my ND and all the family from her dad's side (not her dad as he lives in Indonesia) have all met up in London for a Christmas get-together, normally I would be invited too, but not this time, with this bad situation washing over the whole family and making me estranged from my pre.f.i.l that I've kept very friendly with for the past 36yrs, even though I've been divorced from his S for about 20yrs now! I gave my ND cards for them all wishing them all a good Christmas, normally we see lots of each other, Christmas Day included, but the invites have all gone quiet and my invites to them, they all seem to be busy We've been on holiday together as well. Just to remind you; when this first happened I phone my pre.f.i.l to help, he said he would do his best and what was happening was very wrong, never heard from him again, same with my S, so what lies my s.i.l said about me I still don't know, but same as all on here I did and said nothing wrong, the only thing I did was help my D when they had 'The Big Fight'.
Sorry about the big post, now I have all this free time on my hands...

Yogagirl did you see my post got to cuddle Danika all afternoon yesterday was great

Hope you ok today big hugs must be hard being excluded from the get together.

I'm so pleased you had a good time yesterday Celebgran how lovely to have had a little one to cuddle all afternoon . You so deserved to enjoy that time, how sad that your own gc cannot enjoy you the way little Danika did.

Your support has been invaluable for me too. Thank you.

I've been busy with house work today and have had you and Yogagirl on my mind the whole time. Christmas Eve tomorrow. I always enjoyed that day more than Christmas day itself; such excitement and anticipation, I don't suppose it will ever quite be the same again.

I'm so sorry you've been excluded from family gatherings Yogagirl but cannot help but think their loss at your not being there is greater than yours for not being invited. I'm not really trying to make you all fat any way who ever heard of a fat yoga teacher!

Being a good girl doesn't seem to have served me very well thus far, so if Santa doesn't make it worth my while on Christmas Day I may have to re consider my options and just see how naughty I can be .

What a great way to use your free time, keeping in touch with us all here.

My heart goes out to every one who must spend Christmas separated from loved ones, what ever the circumstances. Especially to you Celebgran and Yogagirl who made me welcome as soon as my first message appeared on here.

]flowers] for us all to enjoy tomorrow on Christmas Eve.

Ooops, try again should be able to get it right by now!

Hi Celebgran your post must have crossed mine as I've only just seen it, so that was lovely for you, a cuddle with Danika, it does make you feel better, a cuddle with a little one, doesn't it, even though it's not the one you dream of! and glad you had a nice visit with your sister, so now your spirits have been lifted by your two nice visits
Yes I used to love Christmas eve too Smileless making mince pies, wrapping the presents with a little Christmas tipple , I will be doing that tomorrow, but with a lump in my throat this year, same as last!
My ND had a nice day out in London ending in the family Christmas meal. She past on to my S the nice card I'd got him, saying " gifts under tree....looking forward to seeing you....even got your stinking cheese, it's not only stinking out the fridge, but the kitchen and hall way too, so I must love you lots to do that, lol", anyway my ND told me he wants another apology!? how many times can you apologize? why can't he just leave it in the past and move on? He is spending Christmas eve, Christmas Day, Boxing day and the next with s.i.l, so guess that's why I was so down after hearing that this morning, really went into the 'black hole of despair', felt better after I'd cleaned the house top-to-bottom, my ND's coming round after her work and will tell me more then. I did say to her I've apologized enough, I'm not going to keep apologizing when I haven't done anything wrong, but she said ' best to just do it, to make up, and then that will be a stepping stone forward'

Sorry Yogagirl but I don't agree with your ND as lovely as she is. I don't know how many times you've apologised and I'm struggling to remember what, if any thing you've actually done to apologise for.

Having already apologised why is one more going to be sufficient to 'make up' if all the others have failed? When there is a falling out all concerned have to have the desire to sort things out, I may be wrong and I hope I am but it doesn't sound as if your s is ready to leave this problem in the past and move on.

He's prepared to spend all of Christmas with your D and gc who he knows you cannot see, and your s.i.l. despite the terrible way he has treated you. When our problems came to a head, hubby told our other s that we didn't want him to fall out with his bro and of course we are pleased that this hasn't happened. But, when he was being unreasonable and putting all of the responsibility for what has happened on to our shoulders, I didn't let him get away with it.

I've lost count of the number of times he said that we must have some thing to apologise for, and I told him over and over again, that we had done nothing wrong and so there would be no apology.

Things have now settled down with him and we don't discuss his bro. Since he went away I feel that he has had time to reflect, and is now more sensitive too and appreciative of the awful situation we are in.

We are all different and have different ways of dealing with our problems. I hope that what ever you decide it is the right thing for you.

for you and to help wash away that lump in your throat. I've spent the day cleaning our house from top to bottom and like you, I find it helps to lift my spirits.

That black hole of despair is awful isn't it. I'm gong to wrap our gs's pressie in a moment and we'll write his card. Has to be done and then I will leave it by their front door tomorrow. The black hole is never far away, I just hope I can avoid it.

I hope when I deliver it, I don't come face to face with my s, if I do I think all my intentions to be a good girl for Santa are doomed to failure.

Enjoy your time with your ND this evening.

Well I'm up! Not really earth shattering news at 8.10am I know, but lay in bed for ages after I'd woken up wondering if I should just stay in bed for the next 2 days.

Wrapped gs pressie last night and wrote his card. Wrote in the front of the book exactly what I said I would. Last night's provado has gone, not sure if I can walk down the road and leave it on the door step now. Terrified I will actually see my gs, through the window, don't think I can do it now.

Oh God this is so awful So sorry ladies. I know this is an awful day for us all and you'll all be busy which I should be if I can just get going.

Can some one come on line and say hello. Please

Hello smileless. is so damn hard don't do it if will upset you too much, as you know we chickened out and have bag pressies. Still to deliver to our little Gra daughters.

Try hard to enjy time with your oh must be hard being so close to the I feel sure they will come round living so nearby! I often think if we weren't 40 miles away yn daughter could not do this,

Whatever you do try forget temporarily the upset and enjoy your time harmed that it is.

Life really is too short found out yesterday lady I kept I. Touch with since we worked together in 1976! No Xmas card she died in march!, feel awful as we visited in feb and knew she was waiting for tests! Rang her too late and new owner rang back! He contacted her sis in law wh rang me last. Night full apologies for netting me know, I was so sad will miss her.

Be strong we all here for you smiless I would just leave the presents on step head held hgh and walk away please don't argue if yuan see your son it will not help big hugs x x x

Hello Smileless and Celebgran just wrote a big long post then lost it due to my tablet updating, then momentarily switching off to complete
Thanks for your thoughts Smileless on my S situation, I don't trust myself anymore, always thought I was a wise owl, but not anymore. My ND penned an email to my S from me, saying " sorry if I said anything that upset you...not my intention....I have never felt such pain.... I would like to have u back in my life, my beloved S, and see u over Xmas....lets leave the past and move forward.....if you don't want to, don't reply....my last attempt with you....your everloving mum" No reply as yet.
To think my beloved S,D and GC with be having Xmas dinner at my s.i.l mother's house is a terrible pill for me to swallow, and I know that she and my s.i.l will be thinking of me and gloating that they have taken my family I'm going to church tonight, there is a special service, to 'light a candel for those you have lost' I'll need a lot of candels
Goodluck *Smileless) if you do decide to put card and present on doorstep for your beloved GS {wine] dutch courage
for you both xx

Just got back. Read your post Celebgran and thought yes, I can do this so put on my coat, put the lead on my little dog and off I went. There was only one car on the drive so don't know if any one was in, not that that mattered. I held my head high, just like you said I should. You inspired me Celebgran thank you.

Good to hear from you Yogagirl I have nothing but admiration for your selflessness. What a lovely email for your S. You really are a terrific mum. I hope and pray that you get a reply.

Every one on here is lovely, and you two are really special. Love and to you both. Really must do some thing now or it will be beans on toast for Christmas dinner . xx

I want to say something comforting but I know there is nothing I can say. The empty places at tomorrows table will very poignant for all of you. Be brave for the others in your family. I will think of you and wish for reconciliation for you all next Christmas. Take care

it can be so difficult and what ever choice we make we cant do right for wrong...in my experience i have found the more effort i made to build bridges the more rejection i got so after years of trying i have backed off completely...and i have to be honest its taken a huge weight off my shoulders....

Welcome Dollie sorry you too know this pain certainly in our daughters case she ignores all efforts we. Ake and blanks us totally no contacted us in any way shape or form for 5 years.

Well done smiless so glad I was able to help!

I am edgy just been had blow dry helped! We are out tonight.
Busy busy made stuffing turkey nicely defrosted oh done sprouts carrots and I prepared broccoli and green beans, hme made sausage rolls mince pies defrosting sausage and bacon things and chipolatas defrosting gammon nearly cooked getting there!
Oh saw change waters filter on. yo list demcided to do it he done this before does not bother to clean the jug and lid out grrrr why do I have to make fuss!
Just messaged son's partner to find out what veg her sons actually eat etc hate waste.

Yogagirl well done but am with smiless what did you do that needs all this constant apologising??

Wind blown our little plastic greenhouse over oh dear. Lost lot cuttings smashed pot.

A Very Merry Christmas to you all. I hope we can all enjoy the day in the company of those we love who want to be with us, and not spend too much time and emotional energy thinking of those who choose not to be.

for you all and hopefully a little too.