cut out of thier lives 2

Oh yogagirl that made me cry! I too come across lovely notes one Tor did when I had flu saying shenhad tidied round left me so e lunch and would look after.me when got back fro. Work! She was about 20 then home from uni working at poizza hut, she did care then !

Think you right the enormous stress and upset of estrangement does. It help Heath problems.

So glad to have stopped both new tablets and do hope feel old self soon. Did manage coach trip today not far to southend about hour and half nice theatre there and we had meal there so no walking about was stressed I would become ill but coped ! Had bad head but took painkillers. Rod Stewart story was good.

Thank you so much soop ! Hugs back.

Smileless start counting days until your go to Aus. Gosh you have done so much painting you are so energetic!

to us all now may have pizza and glass wine while relaxing in front of fire!

Evening ladies. Oh Yogagirl and Celebgran when I remember all of the lovely things my s used to say to me I cannot believe that what has happened is real. How can it all have gone so badly wrong? How can they stop caring?

Glad you enjoyed your coach trip Celebgran. I am counting the days; 8 weeks yesterday and we'll be there. Might do some more painting on Friday, but feel all painted out for this week. Enjoy your pizza, I'm enjoying my as I type.

Have a good night every one and pleasant dreams tonight. God bless.

Thanks smileless I don't think they can stop actually caring they just dig their heels in and. Make decision not to show it if that makes sense.

Oh well have blood pressure monitor attached! Not keen but hey ho may help

Oh eye test was success his eyes changed lot in last 18 months apparently and as boots employee he gets third off and free test yearly.
Manageress is sweetie who cleaned,re aligned and changed nose pieces for me!
That's. Not all she found me new case!
Also so helpfu choosing nw frames for husband.
Yogagirl I got standard sort reply from Esther did you?

Pizza was yummy last night morrisions fresh cheese ham and pineapple! Mmmm
Chocolate s going down well too 12 reduced to 5 how weak are we!!
We need some comfort with all this blood pressure stress.

Oh last night I dreamt we were going to court and solicitor was not giving. Me confidence ! It must be there in my mind all time,

Keep smiling ladies!

That makes perfect sense Celebgran and I suppose that's what I was doing, digging my heels in and trying to show that I don't care . Life would be easier if we didn't wouldn't it. But we're mothers and fathers and we never stop caring do we.

Pizza sounded yummy; chocs as well, you naughty girl . Now don't go stressing your self out and giving that bp monitor more than it can cope with.
At the gym in the morning, might do some more painting but haven't decided yet.

Hope you all do some thing lovely for Valentines day. We're going out for a meal but what ever you're all doing enjoy the day with the ones you love.

Have a pleasant evening and sweet dreams.

Thanks smileless have lovely valentines meal! Dear husband booked us one at 7 30 get monitor off at 4 40 thank goodness! Then shower and glam up!

Some good news consultant secretary rang offered me appt next fri so will get more help with tablets I hope!

Wind rain horrid here today happy valentines to all of you

We can never stop caring smileless but must remember we can't control how others behave and we are important too!

Hope painting nearly finished ! We hope get started soon as get me sorted!
Hope you having treat too on Valentines yogagirl

Well Grans, happy valentines day. Hope you all enjoy what you are doing and to all you brave, kind, ladies (& gents).

Celebgran, sorry to hear about all your health problems with tablets etc, hope you get sorted out soon. Glad they’ve managed to get you in to see the consultant on Friday. Enjoy your night out. BP machine removal - . Have a great night out with DH.

Wind and rain just started here to, looks like sleet .
Pizza and chocolates, wow, go girl .

I too sent a letter to Esther, not heard anything as yet. DH not happy with the program, said she has only been a gran for 18 months and she was the one who started childline, which kids nowadays, throw up at parents, and she must have had some knowledge about Jimmy Saville, if not, she whould have . Before anyone shoots me, I am only repeating my DH’s comments [grins].

Celeb, of course it’s always ever there in our minds, what these selfish offspring do to us.

No, Grans we can’t ever stop caring, but we still need to move on, as said earlier, we can’t control how our offspring behave, but we can control our reactions to them and their atrocious behaviour.

Smileless, I think all of us Grans can’t believe what we’re going through as we all seem to have nice letters, cards, memories and we keep asking ourselves why, why, why, but we may never get the answers. So try and gave some peaceful times in your day also, when you can keep your busy mind quiet.

I pray that you will have a very good trip in Oz with your son and his family, please, please, please enjoy and don’t let the rotten apple here in the UK spoil your time with the family in Oz, you and your DH deserve it, as does you Ozzie family .

My D made me a collage of photo’s with just both of us in the frame, from her being a baby to around 26+ (before she met and married SIL). I had to take it down, hurt to much to look at it lately.

Glad you had a good time on the coach trip to the theatre.

Yogagirl, glad you had a nice time out with your dance friends, shame weather was not so good for walking the dog (is that Rosie?). We are on the coast, so don’t go down there too much in this weather with our wee dog.

I’m glad you are going to try and take on board, to look after yourself, I too was going insane with grief, which led to a terrible action at the weekend, but getting better now . They are not worth it. I have decided if I don’t seen my daughter again, I could cope with that, would just like to see my GC, but that is not in my power at the moment. I hope they’ll come and see me when they are able to. They all know us very well, we are the lucky ones, we’ve had 5, 7 & 9 years with them, since the day they were all born, so I am very grateful for that at least.

We live about 5 miles from my D, and I continually look at cars that look like hers but never seen it yet.

Well ladies, I am going to sign off for now. I am spending the day with my sister tomorrow (think she’s keeping in check )… hee hee.
Take care and love yourself, you’re worth it .

May be God be with you and yours. [hugs] to those who need it, I guess that’s all of us [grins].
LC

A friend sent this to me earlier this week….. it’s certainly helped me…. I read it to myself every single night. I hope it helps you ladies.

Yesterday Today and Tomorrow
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry,
Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.
One of these days is YESTERDAY,

With its mistakes and cares, Its faults and blunders, Its aches and pains.
YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.
All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.
We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said.
YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW
With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise.
TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.
TOMORROW, the sun will rise,
Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, But it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW
For it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day - TODAY.
Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
- YESTERDAY and TOMORROW - That we break down.
It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.
Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.

Evening Girls
Enjoy your Valentine meals with your hubbies. I'm enjoying a night in with my little dog Lilly, fish and chips (oven) and glass of wine, sounds good to me, as I am out 4nights a week with my classes, so my night out is a night in
I thought you were saying 'goodbye' when you were on here last time Librachick, well you certainly proved me wrong with your extra long post, I'm just going to read the poem now....., is it supposed to make me sad? well it did! I haven't heard back from Esther Ranzen either, looks like just Celebgran is the chosen one lol.
Well you lucky ladies have probably already received Roses or flowers,and drunk some wine, so I'll send you some for your hot chocolate when you get back tonight.
With Love xx

No yogagirl. Never said that. Just wouldn't be on often, and hopefully just moving on.

Yogagirl, just gone through my post again! I never said, nor thought I implied I was leaving the forum/site. Was only deciding to move on (with my life) and not concentrate on my D & GC as much as I was, and keep asking why, why, why, not sleeping etc that life was too short.

I enjoy browsing the forums, but this the only one I've found people in same boat as me.

I know my D is attending counselling, is/was on anti depressants, all stemmed from PND.

Do any of your offspring (who've cut you out of their lives) attend counselling now or in the past or take anti depressants?

Definition[edit]

False memory syndrome is defined as:
[A] condition in which a person's identity and interpersonal relationships are centered around a memory of traumatic experience which is objectively false but in which the person strongly believes. Note that the syndrome is not characterized by false memories as such. We all have memories that are inaccurate. Rather, the syndrome may be diagnosed when the memory is so deeply ingrained that it orients the individual's entire personality and lifestyle, in turn disrupting all sorts of other adaptive behavior...False Memory Syndrome is especially destructive because the person assiduously avoids confrontation with any evidence that might challenge the memory. Thus it takes on a life of its own, encapsulated and resistant to correction. The person may become so focused on memory that he or she may be effectively distracted from coping with the real problems in his or her life.[11] Emphasis in original

Morning Librachick Glad you haven't left us, and no you didn't say you were leaving, I just, wrongly, read between the lines. My D was put on antidepressants by her H after the 'big fight' , they were too strong for her and I told her to go back to the Doctors and get them halved, which she did and felt tons better but then when he cut me out of her life, he took her back to Dr and got them put back up, siting me as the problem!
My D did have one baby after the other,12mnths apart, so it was hard for her, but we all helped as much as possible and of course she did live with me when she had the first one.
Morning Smileless and Celebgran hope you had a good night out last night. So windy today, my next door neighbour but one has had all their fences blown down!

Was concerned libra that you obviously had bad time last weekend, so glad you coming through it and we all here try to help!

Lovley see you posting again.

agh bet you had nice evening with little lily yogagirl and fish chips always yummy!
Sadly I was. to too good at our meal was lovley but very rich and with wine I came over quite unwell heart going like clappers but hadn't slept night before with bp monitor. Was glad get home and Rosie (well do e libra Rosie is my little King Charles) jumped on my lap and I had still still try get over it. Another bad night.

Good news yesterday did fair bit cleaning visited friend and we went to dance, my brother cam back fixed heating pilot light kept going out after he serviced it Friday! Bless anyway that stressed me too Friday. Oh got me lovley card to my beautiful wife, I cheered me up now approaching the big 60 not til sept tho! I meant good news I did not really feel like dance but I was fine, worries me when come over ill while out after last weekend. Actually managed few dances! Great with good friends too.
Fantastic sunshine here today!
Hope you ok smileless and having break from painting also that your meal went better than mine!

Happy Sunday to us all!
Dollie you quiet how is knitting coming on?

Hello Celebgran Sorry you're not very well, little Rosie seems to know doesn't she! How nice to get a lovely card from your hubby, I think cards with lovely words on are far nicer than a gift, I always keep the best ones.
I went out with my ND for lunch by the seaside, it was lovely to sit watching the sun, sea and birds, I can also take my little Lilly in, which is lovely, feeling a bit tired now though, so I'll be back on tomorrow.
Hope you've finished your painting Smilless and are having a relaxing w/e for a change.
for all the girls/grans on here xx

Sorry ive been a bit quiet...been a bit under the weather and not felt up to posting...knittings going well when i dont lose concentration lol..

Hope everyones doing well... Xx

Wish you better Dollie

Bumping this for Skyler.

What do you mean Marelli?
Off for a nice lunch with my sister in Lakeside, overlooking lake and swans back on later xx

Ooh sounds good yogagirl take husband to work now off acquacise doctor at 2 wonder what tablet he will stick me on now!

Be feeling better thank goodness. So reluctant to try different tablet again much as want reduce blood pressure.

How are you smileless very quiet at moment.

Oh came with me do shopping yesterday mistake he chose huge strawberry flan delish as birthday treat we had to start it as it got damaged on way home! His birthday tomorrow will pop out after doctor get him lightnfresh cream sponge and candles not 69 though! Morrisions very good for cakes!
Have lovely time yogagirl are you shopping too?

We did not make folk dancing I did some cleaning then shop then chose new digital radio and clock alarm for oh henna red basic but clear clock radio hus old one Roberts cd thingy alarm not working! So to make up extra chose him nice radio, got some other presses to wrap. Better get off here will be late a gain!
Yes what did you mean Marelli?

Well ladies, waiting to go in for interview at 15:30!! Hands together, not fingers crossed as minister told me . Hope they get the right tablets. Went to Dr yesterday have sore hip. Trachxxxxxx something bursitis. Damn sore, nearly in tears with acute pain. Well good luck for me. Xxxx

Good luck libra what In interview for sorry meant what sort of work?

Dr was very helpful he was quite pleased with b pressure 24 hour readings said got keep eye on it still take readings but would like try low dose beta blocker for couple weeks,oh dear hope is ok! Most of All he said relax!

Just had few tears a parental alienation poem just got to me o. F book! So true I do think of my daughter every day and wonder if she has changed much.
This was directed a estranged grandchild oh dear.

Never mind now off for nice cup tea quick rest before getting team cake fresh cream choc sponge bought for husband and presents ready to be wrapped!

Sorry too quick mean say ouch sounds painful have you got any treatment?

Evening ladies, hope you are all OK. Glad you're feeling a little better Celebgran but sorry you had another bad experience when you were out . Aren't our pets wonderful, picking up on our sadness and trying to give comfort. I love my pets, animals are often so much nicer than people.

We had a lovely meal out for Valentines after exchanging lovely cards .

I haven't been on for a few days as I've had my mind on the book I'm reading 'When Parents Hurt'. It's not easy to read bec. of the subject matter but certainly gives the reader an awful lot to think about . Think I may be over thinking so I'm giving it a rest for a few days.

Painting still going well although I'm sick to death of it now. Should be all done by the middle of next week - she says optimistically!!

Thank you LibraChick for sharing 'Yesterday Tomorrow and Today' it's lovely and absolutely correct. Hope your interview went well. If I'd been on earlier I'd have sent you some for luck, so I'm sending you some any way. We're determined that what has been happening here wont spoil out time with NS and d.i.l. in Aus.

I'm sure that my s is experiencing 'False Memory Syndrome' and that is one of the reasons he goes out of his way to avoid having any contact with us. To do so would challenge the 'issues' he now appears to have with his child hood. Don't know what they are and can't help but wonder at the coincidence of him never having mentioned 'issues' in his past until he married her . He suffered from depression about 10 years ago and I went with him to the doctor. He was on medication for a while and said that he couldn't have got through it with out me Clearly loss of memory is some thing else he is suffering from. He had one session with a counselor and said he'd never go to one again.

Hope you're not still feeling under the weather D0llie in case you are. Good to know that the knitting is going well though.

Hope you enjoyed your fish and chips on Friday Yogagirl. Can't remember the last time I had fish and chips. Glad you had a nice lunch with your ND and hope you had a nice time today with your sister.

Can't get comfy; legs and arms are aching due to killer boot cap session today, gym yesterday and too much painting .

Good to catch up with you all. Does any one know what 'bumping' means?

Good night and sweet dreams dear friends xxx

Great hear from you smileless I speed read and at moment dont want to dwell on stuff like when parents hurt read most of it, it sometimes makes me feel worse to keep rehashing it all.

Don't go mad with the keep fit smileless that and painting!m was pleased make acquacise today creaky knees and all the tutor is lovely and wanted know how I was after class.

I too thank your libra for that poem, so true used to like the song one day at a time remember?

My worst bit is guilt feeling myndaightern would see her dad it isme she had turned against and like your smileless she now feels she had an awful childhood! It is so beybd hurtful, but of course realise s I law fuelling her up.

Got on quite well with doctor and he was quite pleased with bp readings he thinks will introduce low dose beta blocker at least seeing cardiologist fri as back up. Gp says go back 2 weeks. He also was kind enough ask if I was ok last week on trip to southend, then commented I do have active social life, only seen him 3 times so he does listen! He said I must relax ! Very important so will try.

Going to see my dear son and family on Saturday yippee!

Must arrange see little Danika very soon now health seems be picking up.

Is such comforts to be able chat on here with nice friends who can relate to our pain as well as fun stuff too!

Talking of which we chose our seats on plane for crete yesterday !

Let then good times roll!
Husband birthday tomorrow must be kind.

Do hope you feeling better Dollie

Libra how did interview go?

Yogagirl hope lunch was lovley was it with friend or sister sorry forgotten.

My little Rosie looks a cutie had her groomed yesterday !
Night night all x

im not too bad thanks but struggling a bit at the moment...

months ago my younger daughter had a go telling me to f off and never contact her again which i didnt then out of the blue she sends me this accusing email which i ignored but did email back saying how lovely it was to hear from her and i hope she was well and i also let her know how the family was doing...(a bit of reverse psycology) she responded with another message having a go so i emailed back saying i wasnt going to row with her then 20 mins later a long email came through and i knew what was going to be in it so i just sent a reply back 'return to sender' then she sent a short one back saying 'goodbye' followed by my christian name..the email was vile and was really upsetting especially as it was all lies..

ive done the sensible thing and deleted it and also blocked her email addy...i really wish i knew why she is like the way she is because i really dont understand ??????

hope everyone is ok and keeping strong

I sat and read this thread from beginning to end and believe me it took quite a while! I wasn't going to post anything but I have been reflecting onsome of the issues raised here and I would like to offer an alternative viewpoint.

What I say comes from a positive place and in the spirit of giving an objective viewpoint.

I think that this thread has become quite unhealthy to a certain degree. There is a lot of enabling going on, which includes supporting negative behaviours and thought patterns that are unhelpful and unlikely to yield any long term positive progress. I applaud those posters who tried to point this out earlier and were met with hostility. The viewpoint that 'you don't know the pain I'm in and therefore cannot comment' is quite an interesting reaction to any challenge to group thinking, which seems to have developed here. It's ironic that this is the feeling that seems to be destroying a lot of the child/grand parent relationships, the child says 'I'm hurt and angry at events in my childhood and you cannot comment because you don't really know what it was like for me'. Rather than saying 'give me your viewpoint, tell me how you feel' the responder reacts with anger/denial.

Whilst there are those who are suffering, it does seem to have been taken to a whole new level that has backed them into a corner. Unhelpful phrases like 'nice daughter', 'nasty son in law' demonstrated a clear distortion in thinking. Labels are unhelpful in moving forward. It suggests a 'horns and halos' approach, which is extremely unhealthy and demonstrates irrational thinking. It's also quite divisive as well, suggesting that as long as the offspring is doing what you want then they are good, any challenge to that is then labeled negatively. Whilst you might think this approach is only restricted to this forum this mode of thinking spills unconsciously into your behaviour and relationships outside and may cause further issues. One poster suggested that their child splitting up with their partner would be the only way they would get them back. Apart from the fact that the child is not a possession to be passed back (they are a functioning human being with their own autonomy)the fact is that 'child' has chosen to be with that person and there are boundaries to that relationship that need to be respected. Getting involved in marital disputes by taking sides is always a recipe for disaster, however tempting it may be. By doing this you are showing your true feelings about the other person and therefore if they reconcile you are left with an uncomfortable truth that is like an elephant in the room.

There are clearly posters on here who have suffered a terrible rejection that they are struggling to come to terms with as best they can. However, there are others who seem to be perpetuating a conflict because they are unwilling to concede anything and seem to have more of a desire to be right than to be reunited with their children and grandchildren. Using pseudo psychological diagnoses to justify a position is incredibly unhelpful. Psychological diagnoses is best left to the experts rather than banded around to justify our viewpoint and make ourselves feel better. Whether false memories or not, the other person is clearly in pain. Also it must be pointed out that two people can go through the same experience and have completely polarised viewpoints on whether it was damaging or hurtful. You might think that nothing was wrong but the other person clearly does. It takes a lot of courage to face up to past mistakes and behaviour and some people seem unwilling to do this, whether its because its just too painful to admit any level of accountability or just 'a head in the sand approach' only you can tell. That's not to say your daughter or son doesn't have a part to play, it's just very unrealistic and self serving to assume its all one sided. If it is professionally diagnosed as not being an accurate recollection then it may point to another issue that needs to be addressed: suppressed anger or repressed memories. What I'm saying is it could be a red flag to something else and should therefore not be trivialised and dismissed.

If your son or daughter communicates with you, please do not throw it back and see it as a way of point scoring. However hurtful the comments, think about the pain they are feeling underneath and in some cases the courage it took to send that email. Isn't it worth getting through the pain and discomfort to see your family again? Consider the alternative if you don't.

For those who have been truly cut off, I really do feel for you. It must be awful. I hope that some peace can be found so you can heal.