Gransnet forums


renewing marriage vows

(66 Posts)
mrsmopp Mon 30-Sep-13 09:08:21

You will all think i am a grouchy old grump but whats the point in these ceremonies to renew vows made till death us do part? we have been invited to one and i love the couple but its a long way so it would mean 2 nights in a hotel too. Are we supposed to givr gifts too? It seems pointless when they are a
lready married. It wasnt long ago either, just a few years. I just dont get it. Vows made for life dont need renewing.
Never had all that in my day. Just celebrate the anniversaries !!

glammanana Mon 30-Sep-13 18:27:10

My cousin had a renewal of her & OH's vows,I think maybe she had forgotten how he had quite a few affairs during their 30yrs of marriage I think it was a display by him of how well I am doing financially and hoping everyone had short memories,but I do agree with a renewal when you acheive say 40/50 yrs as that in its self is something to celebrate.

Penstemmon Mon 30-Sep-13 18:30:03

We do not do anniversaries publicly never mind renew vows! I got married to please my mum who would have found it difficult if DH and I had lived together without a wedding. 42 years on, 2DDs and 4DGCs I don't want to renew vows that I did not really believe in the first place.

I am happy to celebrate anniversaries of our life together with my DH over a lovely meal, sometimes a few days away ..though we were often on a summer holiday anyway ..... but even on 'special' anniversaries no-one else is involved, it is our marriage!

absent Mon 30-Sep-13 18:31:23

I can't actually remember what vows we made when we got married. Do you do the till death bit in a register office? If so, I've already done that twice in the same register office, but with different husbands 20 years apart.

j08 Mon 30-Sep-13 18:34:57

I think you can make them up yourself in a registrar's office. (They can go on, and on, and on hmm)

Penstemmon Mon 30-Sep-13 18:47:38

You can add more as j08 says but the registrar has to approve them first.

My DD was a guest at the above wedding !!

vampirequeen Mon 30-Sep-13 18:58:35

We were given a choice of promises to make but they all fitted the legal stuff in. We had readings and music but they couldn't be religious.

Iam64 Mon 30-Sep-13 19:25:20

My parents renewed their vows at a ceremony to coincide with the Queen's golden wedding anniversary. They were married the same year as her, and like many similar couple's, were invited to renew their vows at the Church they were married in. They also got pieces of the Queen's cake. It was a lovely day, they were in their 80's and dad becoming a bit frail. We had a celebration tea at their house, food provided by their 3 daughter's and with grandchildren and great grandchildren joining us. Special memories for all of us.

thatbags Mon 30-Sep-13 20:57:36

I can't remember what I said either, absent. I do remember that I meant it at the time though, whatever it was. I'm talking about the second time. My memory of the first time is a blank. My parents were at that, whereas two of my daughters were at the second. Somehow that added to the solemnity of the occasion whereas I can't remember that having parents there did.

Actually, having my parents there might have done the opposite since they'd said they wouldn't come if my aunt (my mother's sister) came too. Sigh. Whatever the feud was about it had nothing to do with me. I had to tell my aunt what they'd said. She stayed away.

So perhaps it's not surprising I don't remember much about the occasion hmm. Motivated memory loss!

Lona Mon 30-Sep-13 22:16:55

That must be why I can't remember much about my married life grin

bluebell Tue 01-Oct-13 10:01:56

Hespian - naming ceremonies for babies are quite a different idea. It's a non religious way of welcoming the baby and that's a lovely thing to do if you don't have a christening . It's like a humanist funeral ( but at the other end of course)

j08 Tue 01-Oct-13 10:12:38

I had a great time on my wedding day, even if I nearly tripped over my frock which brought on a fit of the giggles, for me and the choir boys. smile

Sel Tue 01-Oct-13 10:29:58

Westminster - Abbey or Cathedral choir j08? grin

Gagagran Tue 01-Oct-13 10:38:18

You brought to mind my own wedding there jings. I had just set off down the aisle on my Dad's arm and was brought to a sudden stop as my 9-year old cousin, the smallest bridesmaid, was stood on my long floaty veil. That jerked my head back and almost dislodged my crystal tiara - hence why it looks skew-whiff on the photographs! grin

j08 Tue 01-Oct-13 11:05:57

Local church Sel!!! hmm

The future in-laws happily coughed up for my wedding. (Yes, I know! I was a good girl then)

j08 Tue 01-Oct-13 11:06:52

Gagagran we had fun did n' t we?! grin

Gagagran Tue 01-Oct-13 11:28:32

Well I rather wished we'd eloped jings! I found my wedding very stressful but that's a story for another day.

FlicketyB Tue 01-Oct-13 19:32:27

Personally, I would ban big white weddings. The commitment one is making is such that you should be able to think about it and walk out on it right to the last moment. Too many people particularly women get so tied up with the 'perfect' wedding, 'perfect' dress etc that they never really think about the commitment. They also get deeply into debt, and financial pressures are one of the main reasons leading to the breakdown of marriages.

I have noted in my experience an inverse relationship between the size and expense of the wedding and the length and happiness of the marriage.

And yes, I had a small quiet marriage ceremony with no long white dress or any other of the trimmings, not even a photographer.

Sel Tue 01-Oct-13 20:13:48

Me too FlicketyB I prided myself on the fact my wedding outfit cost £12 in total. This was in 1975. An adapted BHS dress, floppy hat, bridesmaids the same. My youngest daughter now planning her wedding is so much a product of media hype it's painful. She does know my thoughts and we do laugh about it but it's sort of sad how we haven't moved on, we've actually gone into reverse on weddings. I asked her today if she was taking her husbands to be's name and she is. I do believe in marriage as a basis for the family so I can sort of understand but I do have a backwards feel at times confused

vampirequeen Tue 01-Oct-13 20:50:32

My sister had a £25K wedding. No expense was spared. Two years later the marriage was over because he was an unfaithful liar and had been all along even before the wedding.

gracesmum Tue 01-Oct-13 21:12:41

I agree totally about the inverse proportion of the importance of wedding/marriage. So many young people wait today so as to be able to "afford" a fancy wedding, and do not realise that it is the marriage that counts - not the wedding! I am still amazed that they will commit to a joint 25 year mortgage but not feel able to commit to a relationship which only makes 25 years with patience and a lot of luck!

j08 Tue 01-Oct-13 22:02:38

I had a nice white wedding. It's lasted ok. 47 years in a couple of weeks' time.

Tegan Tue 01-Oct-13 22:43:00

Well, I can't renew my marriage vows because we're not together any more and, if I did would I have to wear black as I did on my wedding day [?]. But I won't remarry either as I still feel inside that the vows I made that day were sincere and from the heart [he hasn't remarried either]. I think the money spent on weddings is obscene and I feel sorry for men who marry women who want them to start their married lives being thousands [even tens of thousands] of pounds in debt. Don't know how I'd feel if invited to a 'marriage vows renewal' ceremony. Think I'd just think 'darn it; got to buy an outfit that I'll never wear again'. And am now getting fantasies of Miss Havisham type occasions [time for bed, I think; mind playing tricks].

thatbags Wed 02-Oct-13 12:02:08

I can't imagine anyone I know inviting me to a marriage vows renewal ceremony and if anyone did I would simply refuse: either a simple no thanks, or a "regret I am unable to attend" sort of thing. Not my scene at all.

J52 Wed 02-Oct-13 12:31:32

Couldn't agree more with the comments about the expense of big white weddings. I had a simple wedding, nice touches( I hope) and a garden lunch reception at home. No huge expense. 39 years ago. Hoping to celebrate 40 yrs with something we want, hopefully a fun longish holiday. X

j08 Wed 02-Oct-13 12:38:44

Bags would you go if it was your daughter doing it? (just out of interest)