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What would YOU do?

(96 Posts)
Ladyblue Tue 01-Oct-13 23:15:08

About 4 weeks ago I had an email from my SIL accusing me of being unkind to my Granddaughter - she had told me she was looking for a job and I asked how it was going - absolutely nothing more!!! I was totally shocked as I had no idea what he was talking about, he then said to just forget it!! I was terribly hurt by the tone of the email and politely suggested to him that before he takes it into his head to chastise me like a naughtly child to check his facts first (actually ASK her what I had said!) He knew how much he had hurt me but rather than apologise he "unfriended" me on Facebook and behaved like nothing had gone on.
My DD tells me that it was nothing to do with her, she wasn't there! Now - am I being silly here - but if I knew that my husband had hurt my mothers feelings I would want to know EVERY detail of what happened! Now she in turn is treating me like a naughtly child and gave me a real mouthful when I asked her if she's OK the other day - she seemed strained at a family gathering. I was then told that I was saying she looked crap (had told her she looked lovely)...........I can't read this situation..............what does it look like from outside? I have got to the state where I no longer want to take this treatment from them and feel maybe it's time to step back.

whenim64 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:10:49

From personal experience, I have found that people who have done no more than be closely related to the target of someone's wrath, can be on the receiving end of extreme nastiness when they have done nothing wrong. It's a way of hurting that individual even more, when you can cause distress to those that they care about. No, indeed, there isn't always another side to the story.

Aka Wed 02-Oct-13 21:18:54

Though I may not understand BB reference to Gaga her post about the 'halcyon days' when J0 was on holiday is frankly disgraceful and her description of 'sickening' re her welcome back actually sickens me. Such vitriol! hmm

merlotgran Wed 02-Oct-13 21:19:11

So although we don't know Ladyblue and we don't know her family we must take her word as gospel and not consider that her daughter and son in law might have a reason for feeling aggrieved?

Posters who come on here to share their anguish expect support and I know Greatnan has said on another thread (way back) that they expect to read what they want to read. Isn't this a very one sided way of viewing life?

Aka Wed 02-Oct-13 21:24:38

To get back to the thread, sometimes support means more than just agreeing with a poster or giving positive verbal strokes. Sometimes it may be better to ask questions that help the poster reflect on their own behaviour and how it might be seen or indeed misinterpreted.
I'm NOT saying this is the case here but yes, there is more often than not two sides to be taken into consideration.

petallus Wed 02-Oct-13 21:25:11

There usually is another side to a story but you would not expect the people closely involved to be able to see it.

whenim64 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:25:48

If there's a post that indicates someone is seeking support, and they're having a tough time, it's not unreasonable to empathise if you feel able, or just say nothing. Please don't accuse them of whining when there's really nothing to warrant nastiness. That's all smile

Penstemmon Wed 02-Oct-13 21:28:55

merlot surely that is the case for anything any of us post..

We could all be being economical with the truth when making posts. What would make you believe Poster A over Poster Z?

The OP could be hiding half the story or could be telling 100% truth. Either way she has made a post and could reasonably expect some helpful replies.

If one felt it was not ringing true, or had nothing constructive to say, move to a thread that one could make a useful contribution to or cared more about. No need to be unkind or dismissive because you do not know how strong or vulnerable the poster may be.

Aka Wed 02-Oct-13 21:30:13

Exactly my point Petallus. It wasn't too long ago that I was accused of 'emotional blackmail' by a poster when I asked for support When and I consider that was just plain nasty. It happens.

petallus Wed 02-Oct-13 21:31:49

Whining was not a kind word.

Offering sympathy is bound to be helpful but I often wonder what the other people in a given situation would say if they got the chance.

whenim64 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:37:45

Petallus not sure if you were responding to my post - I was closely involved, though, so I'll answer. In my case, the judge dealing with my son's divorce and the parental alienation engineered by ex-DiL, stated in court that her unreasonable behaviour was unwarranted and her campaign to keep my grandson from seeing his dad and me was an act of cruel revenge for him ending an abusive marriage. Alcohol abuse and greed were to blame for her bad behaviour. She hasn't stopped, but now has other victims in her sights, with another baby to use as a weapon. I supported her and empathised with her even after he left, and she said so to several people, but she also realised that hurting me would hurt my son, so she told him what she was going to do to hurt me, and did it. Some people are just like that.

whenim64 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:41:39

Just catching up with the latest on this thread. I see trouble brewing, so I'm gone. Fed up with yet another thread that didn't need to get contentious, but has, and always for the same reason. Night all.

petallus Wed 02-Oct-13 21:48:28

I was speaking generally when. [ smile]

Anyway, the two perspectives do not always have to have equal merit.

Iam64 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:51:06

When - I was about to go when your post 21.41 appeared. Sending you a bunch of flowers, and I hope you relax and sleep well. I can't find words to describe my feelings in response to your experiences. There are so many good people who have been hurt by others, in ways that I find it difficult to forgive. I am in full agreement with your final post - it's such a pity that this thread became contentious, absolutely no need for it. Good night all

Aka Wed 02-Oct-13 21:52:20

when moon sweet dreams.

Greatnan Wed 02-Oct-13 21:52:58

Good heavens, Merlot - are you yet another member who cherishes my words so much that they remember them long after I have forgotten them? I have no idea why I made that remark ,if indeed I did.
I think we should accept any member's posts at face value - why would anybody bother coming onto a forum to post lies about their situation. That is a very unpleasant insinuation.

Aka Wed 02-Oct-13 22:03:16

Don't think anyone deliberately posts lies, at least I hope not, but when you're in a difficult situation you may not be able to look at it objectively. I'm sure that's what was meant.

annodomini Wed 02-Oct-13 22:56:16

moon G'night all.

Flowerofthewest Mon 07-Oct-13 23:48:24

Me neither Aka! did the same as you as couldn't believe my eyes that this is still going on. I think they are called Trolls on other sites. Every site needs a Troll and it looks like we have out very own (just the one)

Flowerofthewest Mon 07-Oct-13 23:50:28

Back to school tomorrow girlsconfused

Flowerofthewest Mon 07-Oct-13 23:54:21

~FIO have just tried to send Ladyblue a PM only to find that she no longer exists. Well done!