Would you feel the same?

Oh Katy I wish we could meet up and have a good old proper bawling cry. Like i'v said our adult children really know how to hurt us. I suspect they don't mean it and would be mortified if they really knew. Just a little thought if your girl is a bit of a people pleaser perhaps she feels she needs to keep her in-laws happy. Our children often cause us pain because on an unconscious level they know that whatever, we will forgive them, and open our arms ready to comfort in times of need. :0(

Yes Kiora - a good bawl would do us good! MY DH's response to all this is 'leave her alone, it's her life'. And I can see the logic, that she's coming to us on Boxing Day (evening) but I assumed (probably wrongly) that if sil was ever away on Christmas Day that she would come to us. Like I said, there have been several occasions in the past when she has left us out of stuff - I think this has just put the tin hat on it so to speak. She tells me I'm the best mother in the world. (I would hate to see how I was treated if she thought I was the worst). Thanks everyone. I'll shut up about it now.

Daughters, husbands what can you do ! but we understand xx

How does your GD get on with her other GPs? Perhaps she had a say in the matter.

Sadly , there is an old, old saying

When they are little they make your arms ache .
When they are big they make your heart ache .

I feel for you Katy.

Thank you everyone. I have just had a heart to heart with DH who is the voice of reason (as are you ladies). He said she has come to us every Boxing Day for a lot of years and not gone to her in-laws at all over Xmas, so we are lucky. I'm going to try to go with the flow and stop thinking things are being done to 'get at me' (low self esteem is a major problem for me) Thanks again you are all lovely.

Hey Katy I'd hang on to the 'best mother in the world' comment and remember those words. I have an old mug which says 'Mum I love you loads' the words are slowly fading but I'll never forget when I was given it by DD and she said 'I do, you know' .....

That's lovely Aka

Yes my DD said she loved me when I last saw her (we were in the middle of Sainsburys at the time, where I was driving her to do a large shop as neither she nor sil drive) but having said that why are they so thoughtless? I have just posted my own Xmas story and am really annoyed by what DD is planning for Xmas Eve

But katyK your husband is right - your daughter knows that she always sees you on Boxing Day so this year would not seem different to her apart from the fact that her husband is away. And it is a good thing that she has forgiven her inlaws for what happened on her wedding day. I haven't entirely forgiven DD's inlaws for THEIR behaviour on said wedding day when one of their family guests threatened to take my husband outside and 'knock his xxxxing block off!' They have never apologised for it!

Lucy that's awful ! Aren't weddings fun? I have just seen your latest post. I think it is just that, thoughtlessness. It is very much a me, me generation. Maybe I was the same. In fact I'm sure I was!

KatyK I hope you are not offended by this, BUT your daughter and her family have come to you every Boxing Day and they have spent Christmas Day in their own home. They have not spent either Christmas or Boxing Day at SinL parents.

While that was happening, how did the other grandparents feel? You are upset because you will see them one of the days this year, but not the other. Did you wonder how upset the others have been previous years at not seeing them at all over the festivities?

OK, so DD has moaned about them in the past, but they have as much right as you do to see their grandchildren. We have heard so often on this forum how grandparents never ever see their sons family. If your daughter does not take her inlaws up on this Christmas Day offer, she will be contributing to depriving another pair of grandparents of some of their grandchildren's company.

Elegran - Not I'm not offended in the least. I can see your point of view. My granddaughter's other grandmother sees her every day as she takes her to and from school (there is no direct bus route). We see her less often. My sil is very close to his parents and makes sure that they never miss out with DGD.

I hope you enjoy your Boxing Day, then.

Thank you

Yes I should concentrate on having a lovely boxing day if i was in your shoes I think, (and sod xmas day). Its just another day, with even worse telly than usual and the shops closed. Ask them what their favourite food is - do they want the xmas trimmings or is there something else they would rather have?

We usually have my sister and her family round too, I put on a bit of a spread so there will be something for all. Thanks for the thoughts.