Well, maybe I am at times. Those who've read others of my posts will know I suffer from depression and anxiety, with all that encompasses.
What you don't necessarily know is that my father, who was a refugee from Nazi Germany and came to the UK in 1939 via Kindertransport, wrote his life story down for his family, over a period of years. It included translations of letters from my grandparents who were stuck in Germany. It all makes very painful reading and I still can't read it without crying (his parents were murdered at Auschwitz).
My DH and I have done a lot of family history over the years to piece a family tree together, on both sides of the family. Then suddenly our DD2 announced that she and her partner had worked on my father's story and got it published (the self-publishing firm called LULU) but only available to our family to buy. We were surprised and had mixed feelings - pleased they had done it but wished they'd consulted us first as there was a lot we could have added to the book. Still, we said nothing at all about that and I was very positive about the idea. We agreed it was best for my father to see it first before the rest of the family bought a copy.
DD2 told me she had ordered me a copy but please would I say nothing to my father till he'd seen it. My copy duly arrived and I skimmed through it quickly and texted her to let her know I'd had it. I said it looked good and thanked them for their hard work, though there were a few minor quibbles (I KNOW, I KNOW, WHY did I say that???) - the title was printed too high up so it was partly cut off, for instance. I didn't say anything else negative, but that was enough for her to blow up at me. I tried to apologise, said they were really minor points, that I hadn't meant to hurt either of them, that I knew I'd messed up - but to no avail, she said I'd hurt both of them. I was devastated. I said it was the last thing I'd want to do, but she wasn't budging. At that point I foolishly asked her to look back at my first text and said it really wasn't so terrible, and were we back to walking on eggshells again..? That unleashed a furious response from her - 'That's good coming from you - we have to tiptoe around you, spend huge amounts of time worrying what I can and can't say and not arranging things with people just in case it upset you, putting you first....' and so it went on. I felt terrible: so hurt that she felt like that and that I'd hurt her and her partner. I tried to be conciliatory and agreed I wasn't the easiest of people but that I was aware of it and trying to address it....nothing helped.
It's her birthday next weekend - her 30th. I had hoped we'd be able to take them out for lunch as we usually do around her birthday, but she declined the offer (made prior to this episode). I don't know how such a minor thing escalated, by texts, into something as painful as it has. She hasn't mentioned the book since; there was a silence from her for several days afterwards, and DH suggested leaving her to calm down, but I was so upset and I still keep crying - sometimes because I'm angry with myself and sometimes with her, because she didn't accept my apology which was sincerely offered, and then went on to say things she knew would hurt me.
To put this into context, she was diagnosed with Borderline (unstable mood disorder) several years before I was - but the therapy she had was amazing and has helped her turn her life around. Walking on Eggshells is a feature: people who suffer with it can be touchy, irritable, oversensitive - all of which I plead guilty to!
I don't know what to do now. I long to see her and our little granddaughter again - haven't seen them since Boxing day and was really looking forward to seeing them round DD's birthday, but it looks as though that won't happen and I don't want to pressurise her because it would be selfish of me, I know that. They are also in chaos at home because they hope to move soon and on that basis, ordered lots of new furniture which is clogging up the flat. The date has now been put off again. I hope it doesn't all fall through, leaving them with furniture and flooring they can't use!
Just not coping well emotionally right now with lots of things - and I don't know if any of what I am feeling is 'reasonable' or whether it's just me over-reacting yet again :'( I have fallen short yet again of who and what I know I should be. FAIL!
Rowantree Sat 11-Jan-14 13:40:15
Nonu Sat 11-Jan-14 13:44:32
Soutra Sat 11-Jan-14 14:03:18
glammanana Sat 11-Jan-14 14:05:31
Soutra Sat 11-Jan-14 14:07:38
JessM Sat 11-Jan-14 14:14:39
Riverwalk Sat 11-Jan-14 14:21:21
Kiora Sat 11-Jan-14 14:52:09
KatyK Sat 11-Jan-14 14:55:06
Aka Sat 11-Jan-14 15:22:51
Aka Sat 11-Jan-14 15:30:40
Rowantree Sat 11-Jan-14 16:26:39
rockgran Sat 11-Jan-14 17:24:45
petra Sat 11-Jan-14 17:31:28
KatyK Sat 11-Jan-14 17:58:23
BlueBelle Sat 11-Jan-14 18:02:23
Iam64 Sat 11-Jan-14 18:04:14
Rowantree Sat 11-Jan-14 18:42:35
Nonu Sat 11-Jan-14 18:54:04
Soutra Sat 11-Jan-14 19:03:57
Rowantree Sat 11-Jan-14 19:15:12
Nonu Sat 11-Jan-14 19:33:01
Winefride Sat 11-Jan-14 20:20:31
JessM Sat 11-Jan-14 20:24:03
Soutra Sat 11-Jan-14 21:52:22