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Modern manners

(32 Posts)
gma Wed 12-Feb-14 14:50:03

At the end of December 2013 DH and I travelled to the other side of the country to attend the wedding of my best friends daughter. We have know the family for many years and were delighted to be invited. We perused the very extensive gift list from john Lewis
and settled upon a gift. The wedding was lovely, but to date we have received no acknowledgement of our gift. It's now over 6 weeks. I have paid for the gift, and assume that it was delivered and appreciated by the bride and groom. Should I enquire from them if it was received? Did it get lost, did they not like it?
Has any other grans netters had this experience, or is it just modern lack of manners?
The bride and groom are both in their mid 40's so really should know better!!!
Any suggestions?

Ana Wed 12-Feb-14 14:58:13

Couldn't you ask your friend whether they received it?

Ana Wed 12-Feb-14 15:02:11

I agree, by the way, that it was bad manners not to have sent a thank-you note or even email if they have indeed received your gift.

grannyactivist Wed 12-Feb-14 15:16:56

It can take up to six weeks for gifts to arrive from a JL gift list gma.

Aka Wed 12-Feb-14 15:22:54

It does seem to be modern manners gma. I've had several wedding gifts unacknowledged over the years and ditto presents for children. Not all though, one family I just send £5 for each child inside inside a Christmas or birthday card and I always have a thank you note. I appreciate this.

MiceElf Wed 12-Feb-14 15:41:54

I've just a thank you card from a couple whose wedding we attended last September! Better late than never.

Ana Wed 12-Feb-14 15:44:50

Perhaps they went on a long honeymoon and are only now sorting out the presents, and who sent them what?

whenim64 Wed 12-Feb-14 15:59:42

I would leave it a couple more weeks, then enquire if all their JL gifts arrived, as you know it can take a few weeks. My brother's step-daughter and OH were really slow to acknowledge presents, but they had been busy making hand made thankyou cards, a few at a time, enclosing a CD of their wedding photos. All forgiven!

grannyactivist Wed 12-Feb-14 16:02:29

My son and daughter in law waited until they had received their wedding gifts (six weeks from JL) and their photo's and then sent everyone hand made 'thank you' cards with a photo.

whenim64 Wed 12-Feb-14 16:08:03

I guess that's the difference - modern manners demonstrated with a personal touch. When I got married, we sent a printed thankyou notelet and added a few words.

Nonnie Wed 12-Feb-14 16:48:08

Exactly the same situation but about 5 years ago and I'm still waiting! Didn't send anything when they had a child.

Humbertbear Wed 12-Feb-14 17:06:14

I had this situation having sent a gift from a large store and approached the parents implying that I was concerned that the gift hadn't been delivered. Some young couples send the thank-yous as presents are received which is a nice touch.

JessM Wed 12-Feb-14 17:22:19

Tell you what I noticed recently when doing a lot of phone interviews with younger people. When you call their mobile (and bear in mind they know a recruiter is going to ring them at that particular time) they nearly all just say "Hello". Is this because most of the time people look at their phone and know who is calling? Doesn't get the conversation off to a great start for me though as I need to check that I have dialled correctly (and that I am not talking to someones partner, child or mother in law come to that) . Not asking much really is it, that they answer an expected business call with a "Hello Chris here"

MarionHalcombe Wed 12-Feb-14 17:39:00

We went to a wedding last July and still haven't received a thank you for a gift angry

My Godson was 21 last year and didn't receive a present as I didn't get a thank you for the cheque I sent him for his 18th.

His sister got presents for both as I received a lovely thank you card for the 18th and then for the 21st.

papaoscar Wed 12-Feb-14 17:51:46

We used John Lewis to send a wedding gift voucher to our friend's daughter. No reponse from JL that they had done it and had to ask bride's mum if it had been received. We then received a 'thank you' note. Left us feeling a bit flat. Ho, hum!

Grandmama Wed 12-Feb-14 18:34:44

Recently I received a thank you for a wedding present (quite a modest present) on a card printed with a photograph of the happy couple. A lovely touch.

On a slightly different note my girls (now in their thirties) always wrote proper thank you letters at Christmas and birthdays (and still do). Not a scribbled note on a card or tagged on the end of a parental letter but a proper letter with address, date etc and with a bit of family news as well.

gma Wed 12-Feb-14 18:40:22

Thank you gransnetters for all of your feedback. Probably letter will arrive in the morning now!!!!! Will post when an acknowledgement is received!!

Libmoggy Wed 12-Feb-14 19:30:33

The etiquette now seems to be that it's fine to send thank yous months afterwards. My daughter-in-law sent very nice cards thanking people for baby gifts, complete with photos of the baby, but about three months afterwards.
I think it's nice to receive an email or text right away, just to say that the gift arrived safely

shysal Wed 12-Feb-14 19:31:18

I wrote some of my thank you letters on my wedding night, and more each day of the honeymoon! blush

catylulu89 Wed 12-Feb-14 20:17:44

I understand this frustration, I had the same issue and it became quite awkward as time went on to say anything.

In the end we said to the parents of the bride. It was dropped into a conversation about how they were and settling into married life. We made up a small lie about hearing that several things hadn't arrived and that we were having problems with the mail in general so wanted to know if they had received their wedding gift, as we'd hate to think it had gotten lost and they thought we hadn't bought anything.

It turns out it was a perfectly innocent mistake and we were emailed by the happy couple not long after who were very apologetic, regardless I was still a bit irked, but life's too short to hold onto it.

Best of luck!

Aka Wed 12-Feb-14 23:11:01

Shysal you honestly spent your wedding night writing thank you letters? hmm

shysal Thu 13-Feb-14 08:45:36

Not the whole night Aka wink. I also sleep-walked later, tried to get into the wardrobe instead of the bathroom. Ex-DH must have wondered what he was taking on!

Aka Thu 13-Feb-14 08:55:38


Soutra Thu 13-Feb-14 09:11:22

I don't think it's * modern manners* it's BAD or an absence of manners. Often comes down to upbringing but I have experienced plenty of examples of good manners from DDs' contemporaries. I like for instance Thank You cards for baby presents with a picture of the said baby. Who cares if it comes 2 months later? What new mum has the time to churn out "bread and butter" letters?

celebgran Thu 13-Feb-14 09:23:20

WE attended family wedding in Ireland gave the. Substantial cheque did not receive thank you for several months finally got card with photo on but quite Impersonal. We also gave some euros to brides sister who had new baby no thank you is sad. And I don't send again if no thanks. IMO if someone takes trouble to send gift a thank you is essential even if just a text.