Cut out of their lives 3

Smileless sounds lovley! Lazing round pool I meant!

I looked up online about foot condition had scan Monday seeing dr for result on nov 4 th

I realise I should rest it more, but hell life is too short to sit about.

Guess what we chosen our carpet, yippee ! Were going to local place they came for measure wed, still not got back to us for price, rang them yesterday, promised call back today zilch. So carpet right much more choice and so efficient, we have asked for specific fitter as hall stairs and landing, and prices so much lower for exact same branded quality!,

Shopped out today and yippee got. My necklace back that was silly enough to leave in loo after MRI scan. Some honest lovely person handed it in.
It was diamond cluster very valuable, silly me.

Have good weekend yogagirl and smileless and all!
X

,

Morning girls
Nice day today, just cleaned out Guinea pigs again, needs doing every few days!
Enjoy your last week Smileless lazing by the pool. What luck you got your diamond necklace back Celebgran good job it was discovered by an honest person, good luck with the carpet fitting. [Flowers]
My ND phoned me again last night from Tenerife, they were due to go on a trip to see the volcanos, actually waiting for the coach & then it was cancelled! James was really annoyed, later my ND found out why; they then went down to the beach where it was all lit up with cancels & he proposed! Beautiful diamond engagement ring! I'm so happy for them. They have been together for 8yrs so it was about time. They have a lovely new house, probably will get married next year & then a baby! Can't wait, I'm not to tell anyone until they make an official announcement, so mums the word

Oh what wonderful news Yogagirland how romantic, you must be so thrilled. Your daughter sounds lovely so he's a lucky man to be having her for his wife and of course you for a m.i.l.

What a relief Celebgran isn't it great to know that there are decent and honest people in the world.

Our friends flew home yesterday so now it's just me and hubbyfor the rest of our hols. We've had a great two weeks but I'm looking forward now to it being just the two of us. The forecast is good, mid 80's for the rest of our stay.

Have a good weekend everyone; here's some morefor you all.

This book is dedicated to the growing phenomena known as abandonment of parents by adult children. Abandonment is a form of abuse. Abandonment is ostracism. Abandonment of parents by adult children is violence. Abandonment of parents is not limited to the elderly. This social ill has gone by many different names such as targeted parents, alienated parent syndrome and elder abuse. By whatever name it is called, it is at its root shunning: the act of terminating critical social and personal relationships. Shunning is the intentional act of harming another by silent bullying. It is more common that we would like to believe.

Abandonment, walking away, neglect, or minimizing is natural to the human being as a primitive and intuitive way of solving problems. In the context of family, it’s fundamental purpose and orientation is to relieve the adult child of what he or she finds unacceptable or inconvenient in their lives. Abandonment is abusive, torturous and if sustained over a period of time produces within the parent severe psychological and physical pain of such severity that the parent often develops serious mental and physical disorders and brain damage. It can and often does produce early death. Mental health resources have been late in diagnosing these phenomena and largely without adequate means to resolve the consequences to either the parent or the child or future generations. There is little information to report the effect on the adult children who do the abandoning but logically there must be serious consequences for them as well.

Gosh Yogagirl that's really powerful. Is this from a book you've managed to get hold of, if so can you give the title etc. so I can get a copy? I've read your post several times. We on here know of course what a terrible thing being abandoned by our own children is like, but to read such a concise and clinical definition of our suffering made me cry. I wonder why.

Maybe it's because a clinical definition highlights the coldness of their hearts to do such a terrible thing.

Is you lovely D back from her holiday yet? If so, I'm dying to know what the ring is like. You must be so pleased and now you have a wedding to help plan and look forward too and the real possibility of GC in the future. I'm so pleased for you.

Hope you're doing OK Celebgran and that foot of yours is feeling a little better.

It's our last day here today so we're going to be lazy as tomorrow will be quite busy, packing up and getting ourselves and the villa ready for our departure. It's been a lovely 3 weeks and I have to be thankful that we have this lovely place to come too and will be back again in 6 months.

I've got my Mickey Ears helium balloon ready to release just before we leave; it's become something of a ritual now. We watch it disappear having asked it to take our love to our little gc

Just before we drive away I'll be taking a deep breath to help prepare me for what ever lies ahead, our son's 30th birthday in a couple of weeks for one thing, and hope it'll be a big enough breath to see us through the next 6 months until we come out here again.

Be strong dear friends, here's some Floridawhile I'm still here to send you some.

Smileless please please don't release that helium balloon, all it's going to do is deflate and fall into the sea. Thousands of sea creature die every year from consuming balloons, they think they're jellyfish. It's actually illegal here in Florida to release balloons, we want to keep our wildlife.

Oh goodness I had no idea Suefla62, of course now I know I wouldn't dream of releasing it, it never crossed my mind what would happen to it eventually. Thank you for making me aware.

Smileless. - how about blowing some bubbles to take your message, or floating a flower on a stream?

Morning girls
Good alternative ideas Sue
My ND is back, half Karat diamond on her finger!
Enjoy your last day in Florida Smileless Hope your enjoying your week away Celebgran I find it funny how your names come up on my Hudl now
Yes that book; the reviews were all excellent, apart from one that advised not to read it as it's upsetting and I have to agree with them, but at the same time I couldn't put it down, I did feel very upset as it takes away all hope! But then I thought the books philosophy can't be a blanket scenario as each situation is different, so we can still live with hope. In our cases that would be a marriage breakup! You can get it on Amazon 'Adandoned Parents, the Devils Dilemma' by Sharon A.Wiley Get your tissues ready,, it's not pleasant reading but compulsive!

Smashwords is the site I bought the book from, e-book, I've only read 32 pages, so it may get more positive

Hello All, I've been absent for what seems a very long time and I came on to just say that I'm sad to see this forum still here, sad for all the parents who are 'cut out', sad for all the grandchildren who are missing their lovely grandparents, and the waste and pointlessness of it all. The greatest hurt because we have the greatest expectations of our families.

I just want to say keep going, be fair and kind whatever the provocation, piling hurt and recrimination up on either side doesn't solve anything, and we have all lived longer, have learnt more, can/will get through. Nothing is for ever.

Lots of love to you all x

Nanban What a lovely surprise!
Hope you're doing well and still enjoying your GC & S, even if it isn't quite how it should be, better that than how it was before. Thank you for your positive words, take care x (flowers)

Morning all not away yogagirl ! Realise I often am so you forgiven.

We had weekend away after returning from Portugal but we been busy decorating or rather graham has!

My foot is really getting me down just popped strong painkiller. It doesn't Improve at all horrid flare up. Still get scan results week l. Tuesday so not long.

Am cycling to shops now can't walk is like a heavy weight dragging foot down.

Smileless so pleased you enjoyed break how marvellous to have villa in Florida is it time share ? So sad you can't even send balloon, but here's big hugs to give you strength to face return.

Graham had blip when we discussed sending flowers to Tor but we over it now going to persevere with lack contact as it really has not Im
Roved situation of last 6 years omg will be 6th Xmas without her.

However we do have friends and family that love us and need focus on that.
Claire coming give me blo dry later and graham at work we have dance this evening but reckon will be spectating myself! Still will enjoy music.

Wow half carat diamond !how exciting for your n d yogagirl many congratulations to her.

Great see you post nanban and we know nothing lasts for ever but reckon our estrangement will last til we die and kinda accepted that and anything else will be a bonus.

Prayers, wishes, magic wand all working for that bonus! You are such a lovely lot and deserve lovely things xx

Oh Nanban you are lovely. It is sad that this forum is still going strong because it shows that there are still parents out there who are trying to live with this terrible nightmare. But Nanban, don't ever forget that you started this, and being on 'number 3' illustrates what a wonderful forum it is.

There's a lot of shared pain and suffering on here and an amasing amount of love and support. It's put me in touch with some lovely ladies and as we've now sadly passed into our third year without our s and only gc, I'm all the more thankful that COOTL3 is here.

It was really lovely to read your messages and very comforting to know that you keep up to date with what we're all up to.

Dear Celebgran, I can understand the conflict about whether or not to send flowers to Tor for her bday. While we were away, we talked ourselves into sending a bday card to our s for his up coming bday, and then talked ourselves out of it again. We cannot help but believe our estrangement will never be over; as you say, anything, anything at all would be a bonus.

I'm really sorrythat you're in so much pain with your foot. Cycling is good exercise, so try not to get too down hearted. I thought I'd missed something when Yogagirl said you were away;it must have been the weekend away Yogagirl was thinking about.

Well, we're back. Flew in at 10.00am this morning after 3 wonderful warm and sun drenched weeks. We are very fortunate to have our place in Florida. It's great to be able to get away, far away; problem is we have to keep coming back. No, it isn't a time share Celebgran so we've been able to make in into a home from home; only it's so much nicer there than it is here.

Hubby is ordering that book for me Yogagirl we've also read some good reviews. I realise it wont be an easy read but I also think it will be helpful.

I know this isn't mine or my hubby's fault, I know it's not the fault of any of you. Perhaps that sounds arrogant (about my self I mean) but as I've said before, we'd have had to have done something(s) so awful, to be treated this way, that we couldn't possibly be unaware of them.

So I'm going to be well prepared Yogagirl and have plenty of tissues to hand; I haven't even got it yet, but thanks for telling us about it.

Have a good weekend every one. We'll collect our dog and cats tomorrow and I'll be back in the gym on Monday; think I'll avoid the scales for at least a couple of weeks.

Welcome home smileless . Yes avoid scales at all costs!

Wow, imagine having 2nd home In Florida ! How exciting.

We been busy eyes and booked cruise and stay week Caribbean. Cruise then adults only all inclusive for next march yippee!

I been a friend told me Tor back on Facebook and they were rightl. We still blocked, but I trawled through her friends and had awful day saturday wondering how I could have. A daughter so very very unkind. But I can't do damn thing about it so enough gloom!

My dear nephews wife sent me lovley message and we going see her and little Danika next week! She will be 18 months on 5th day we see her!
Also we going see my son and family next month, weekend of his partner birthday and her mum over from s. Africa so things are good really.

Ygagirl hope you had good weekend and great hear from nanban.

My foot almost makes me cry with pain! I cut grass today and managed but not folk dancing for me as is awful now just about hobbled round morrisons.

X

Oh Celebgrandid you see what she'd put on? I know it's tempting to try and find out what our estranged children are up to but to be honest, I don't want to know.

I'm trying to make a clean break, if it's at all possible to make a clean break from your own child. Our son will be 30 in a few days. I expect she'll make a big thing of it; balloons in the window and a party at their house. She'll probably think she'll be rubbing our noses in it, but I suspect it will be his nose that gets rubbed, not ours. We know it's the big 30, we know the date, I mean we were there.

Looks as if you've got some nice family events to enjoywhich I hope you'll be able to enjoy despite the awful pain you're in.

Well, the scales called to me and I couldn't resist so on I popped; 6lb weight gain which, when I think of all the lovely food, wine, bacardi and brandy I consumed for 3 weeks, wasn't too bad; could have been worse; could have been better though.

Yes you've guessed it, back at the gym. Went yesterday and today and boy are my poor legs aching. They're organising a 6 week 'little black dress' workout for the run up to Christmas so I've signed up for that. Bad news, they want to weigh and measure me at the start, well I told them that was just cruel bearing in mind I hadn't been to the gym for 4 weeks because I've been over indulging in Florida.

When my dear hubby was walking behind me as we went through the air port security to fly home, he said what a nice bum I had; that it wasn't at all bad for a 53 year old. Bless.

How lovely, a cruise. We'll be booking our flights tomorrow for Florida for next April/May, hoping to go for a month this time.

Your daughter's engagement ring sounds fab Yogagirl. for her and my congratulations.

No photos smileless thanks for lovely pm will answer.

Decorating a pain, painter gone I pointed out couple bits he missed then found more afterwards, he did emulsion well on walls but gloss paint bit iffy !
Been Busy bee Gra at work I decided go buy paintbrush could t find decent one and managed to do a door and frame and clean round 2 others, hope Gra will be pleased . Also been acquacise, now going put foot up before go get him from work. Beef casseroled in oven.

Rosie has nice white tail -
Bless her she was fine In kitchen while

I was out but oh dear not sure which bit paint she got into!

Gra was so tired last night and my foot was awful hence bit of clash!

Hi Girls
Not feeling good today as it's my Son's 28th Birthday. I emailed him, said I'd phone him later, as it was before 7am this morning, but have now discovered his no. is no more, also, even though he doesn't go on his FB page, I must be blocked, as I now can't see it, my ND said it is there, but she can't see anything on there as she blocked him. It just makes me so sad to think I cannot contact him & have no idea how he is.

My ND was talking about her wedding, saying that of course her sister (my ED) would have been chief bridesmaid & Laila & Jack bridesmaid & pageboy, with my S, her brother, giving her away, but now none of that can happen, so making a wonderful day sad.

I finished that book a few days ago and have now decided I must, after 2yrs of reading everything on the subject & going on numerous forums, stop! as it's doing my head in! I stayed off everything yesterday & today (apart from now), been reading my yoga books & watching yoga videos, gardening programmes, and I think it is putting my head in a better place, instead of my whole day being filled with it all.
Sorry I've not replied to anything on here today, not feeling up to it, read it though.
Love & Hugs

It's just good to read your post Yogagirl I'm so sorry, for some reason I thought your son's bday was next monthor is it that it will be the second dreaded anniversary next month when you last saw your lovely GD?

I wish I'd known because the very least I could have done was send you a message so that you wouldn't have felt that you were facing such a difficult day alone. Here are theI should have sent you yesterday.

Your daughter's wedding day will be just wonderful. She'll look beautiful and you'll be the lovely mother of the bride. If nothings changed wont it be better for you and her if their not there? I just don't know how that lovely lady on the other forum you and I go on, got through her daughter's wedding day with the daughter she's estranged from and her awful s.i.l. there as well.

May be Rosie's white tail is why your decorators glossing was up to scratch Celebgran. Hope Gra appreciated your efforts; it must be really hard trying to get any thing done when you're in so much pain.

Shouldn't be on here as I've got a mountain of paper work to catch up on so I'd better get on with it. But, oh dear, the book's arrived and I'm itching to start reading it but I'd better not start or that will be the rest of my day gone.

Sounds as if you've got information overload on this awful situation Yogagirl so I think you're doing the right thing taking a break from it all for the time being.

It's our estranged son's bday on Sunday; the big 30. We thought about sending a card but we would only get it back and more than likely with a nasty note, so no. Just can't do it any more but of course we'll be thinking about him, wishing him a happy bday in our hearts and no doubt shedding a few tears.

Right, I'm going now; the paper works calls.

Put that book down Smileless lol bit disturbing isn't it!
Thanks for your kind words, feeling better today, in fact feeling annoyed with my S, I did nothing to him, he is just jumping on the band wagon to please nasty s.i.l and yes info overload it is! 16th Nov is the 2yr Ann. which is a Sunday, but as it actually happened on a Friday, I feel that is the day I'll be mourning! Going out for the day with my ND, so looking forward to that & it's a lovely sunny day too
I'll be thinking of you on Sunday, what a terrible sad & pointless situation we are in!
How's your foot Celebgran hope it's feeling better & well done on the painting [f!owers] I cannot look at photos, it upsets me for a week, even though I have photos up & in frames, they are of when I was in their lives, when I see a new one , of them grown, it breaks my heart all over again, so I've told my ND not to show me any, no doubt they'll be some of them in their Halloween customs today. Must dash, ND round in half an hour

Oh yogagirl . There are no words other than do t suffer alone we care about you.

I go on parents healing from estrangement a private group run by couple ladies one I have met. Sorry if I seem Neglectful of this one as Facebook is easy to access! If either of you wanted go on it sure they will add you from my recommendation,

What forum do you and smileless go on ?feeling left out here!
I love coming on here though as feel that we know each other and is more
Personal.

Smileless [flowes] birthdays are the worst.

Painting is so hard work, Graham had to virtually redo most gloss, and no not just cos Rosie ha ha.

Hope you had lovley day out yogagirl and it charged your batteries.
I am going see friend for day not up to meeting I town she is making me lunch bless. Have promised paint door first! Not sure graham did appreciate my efforts smiless. We had few words.

Happy weekend. All. Oh physio given me a stick now, feel a reel wrinkly hope is temporary. Seeing specialist next tues 4th for scan results

Hello Celebgran
I had a lovely day out with my ND, lovely long walk on the beach followed by lunch with a nice glass of wine, again on the beach looking out to sea, it was really lovely However, something happened before hand; Whilst my ND was in an employment agency (made redundant for a second time!) getting an interview for Monday, I went to the high street, went into the back entrance (facing the sea) of 'The Royals' as I had my little dog with me & wanted to pop to the loo, when I came out, walking quickly through the foyer to the back door, out of TK Max (only other shop exit down there) came my Laila & Jenni-ann my D, I was so surprised, we were a mere foot apart! I said "Laila!, Jenni" in a soft surprised voice, she turned & walked quickly away as if she had seen something disturbing!! Dashing any hope of her missing me or things not right at home, which I always hope for. It was such a strange place to bump into her, another minute and I would have been gone, it's not as if it was the front of the Royals or the high street, I find that a bit 'da da da da' if you catch my meaning
I'm getting into the Halloween spirit this year, normally I'm out teaching my Yoga, but today is my day off, so I put a lit pumpkin & lantern in the window, with some other bits and pieces, looked quite good and I've had quite a few little horrors knocking on the door I thought it might upset me but it's quite fun & the little ones are so cute
& for you Celebgran & Smileless & the other grans on here, have a nice weekend.

Wow yogagirl that is soooo spooky pardon they ! I often wonder what would I do ? Guess would try grab Tor and give her a hug does t bear thinking about!

So glad you enjoyed day though. Also very sorry your. D job hunting again.

Our sons partner has found job but wait for it maternity leave again!
Still good money 10 months and she can walk there.

Enjoyed day with good friend just shame she smokes and was unable to meet I tow with foot trouble! However a day sitting down has eased it a bit fantastic !

Good weekend all of you xx

Do you know, in all this, I have said not one adverse word to my D!