Cut out of their lives 3

So sorry again Smileless for your tears, it's that time of year! I fear, the same as you, with regard to another GC from our nice C. Of course my ND has said "I would never do that to you mum", but the fear will still be there after what's happened with my other D
Celebgran that was the poem I was trying to paste on here, yes it was a really beautiful and poignant poem. Hugs and to you both.
Must dash, I'm getting a train into London, going to a yoga festival and booked into a 90min 'ballet yoga' so really looking forward to that, dreading the train journey though

Hope you have a great day Yogagirl and that your journey isn't too bad.

You ask 'why can't you just accept it' Celebgran I doubt any of us will ever be able to accept what our children have done but as time goes on we'll learn to cope with it. There's nothing wrong with sending her a card if that's what you want and feel you must do so you mustn't beat your self up over it. I think it simply demonstrates what a lovely mum you are.

I've just been on line and ordered my self a pair of 'Tape Tastic' shoes by Irregular Choice. I've bought a few things for the house from my catalogue and had earned 75.00 in commission so decided to spend it on my self; only 16.00 to pay.

Of course I don't need any more shoesI just happen to like shoes in particular Irregular Choice and of course Jimmy Choos but having got my hubby to buy me 2 pairs of those, I doubt I'll be getting any more so I'll just have to make do with Irregular Choice. Not that I'm obsessed with shoes, but I bought this plaque when out shopping with a friend in the summer "From the moment I saw you I wanted you. Your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen as I move .... Ohhhh. I love my new Jimmy Choos". Clever, don't you think?

Thanks for the hugs and*Yogagirl*; back at you and for you too Celebgran.

Thanks smileless what kind thing to say I did my best like we all did.
Wonder if it moved her at all?

I find it hard with my son love him to bits but feel he spends so much time And effort on His stepsons and will. Never be their dad his partners mum been over for 5 weeks from s africa and I know My son has large debts, they hired car and got scratch Insurance co taken 1,000 out of his account!
That was to take them all out. Mmmmmm

Now he taken her mum back to Heathrow and got stay over as flying States for work tomorrow just would liked it if she could have at least paid petrol or something ! I am just being a mum I guess he is old enough to sort it, he has never been good with

Smileless what you up to this weekend, well done for getting decorations out, we just have xmas tree helped Gra get out of loft this morning.

Very tired after dance last night, mmmm foot bit sore but had fun, our lucky friends won 3 raffle prizes, we were only ones on table not to win so another friend let us choose one of their wins how kind ?

Yogagirl hope your day gone well.
Oh must stay we took down nets and cleaned most windows still got upstairs finish. We don't work well together graham does not clean now I would and gets upset at criticism

Smileless this is for you bought some lovley red boots and black ske her fun sandals for Barbados
We managed quick trip to shops and boots had £20 off so bargain !
Sandals £10 off couldn't not get them!

Good for you Celebgran; a girl can never have too many pairs of shoes.

Just got back from the gym. It's a real effort at the moment and if it wasn't for that lovely young lady who gave me a hug last week I think I'd have just come straight home. She kept me going today and I do feel a little brighter for going.

I don't know how stress affects you ladies but it just seems to sap all of my energybut I have to be determined not to sink in to pre Christmas misery, so this afternoon I'm going to write Christmas cards.

Have you all got your decs up? I'm assuming you and Gra have decorated your tree by now Celebgran.

Well, the cards await so I'd better get on with them. Have a good day every one.

and for you smileless. And please don't be too down is hard for us this time year, but we will be ok I promise.

Yogagirl hope weekend was good

Yes tree up!
Will put photo on Facebook.

Oh go and see paddington we went this afternoon . After cleaning lots dust away and washing cushion covers and fleece before getting tree up feel so virtuous now!

We will all have happy Xmas,

Morning girls
Yet to put my Deco up, maybe Monday as w/e I'm very busy, as usual.
I do seem to relish sleep more since being cut out, it's more the comfort of snuggling under the duvet or throw downstairs, to try and shut out what's happened.
My darling Laila's nativity play now , to think that cruel cow that pushed my D to cut me out will be sitting there as my Laila's nannie, when she is not! She has hurt my Laila, taking away her real nannie because she was jealous of our special bond!
Need to move on, need to foget, but I can't! Think about them every day and wish they were back with me. Can't believe they are all getting on under one roof Yoga festival & workshop were great, took me 8 trains there & back as I popped somewhere else first, two trains more there & back, I will wait for the yoga festival to come more this way from now on, really don't like travelling on the trains to London. On the first train a young mum with 3 little ones sat next to me, they were going to the winter wonderland, so all excited the little baby got hold of my hand with both of his and started suckling on my hand, obviously hungry, so cute . Had lunch by the sea again Sunday, with my ND & previous sister-in-law & friend, so that was nice. Meeting my sister at lakeside for lunch tomorrow, would like to get the last of my Xmas gifts, problem is the last presents to buy are hers & her husbands
Hope you're both well Smileless & Celebgran and Thank you for your kind words and for other grans in the same sad boat

I've not read all the comments but have scanned through them and all I can say is do not give up! My daughter ostracised herself from the family years ago and I have no idea where she is but every so often I would email her with family news and to ask how she is. At first I got really hurtful abusive emails from her but I refused to get sucked in so I left it a few weeks and sent another email asking how she was ....the emails from her now aren't attacking me and I am careful in what I say, I don't pry into what she's doing or where she's living as I know trust has to be built up. It's early days yet but I hope in time we can meet and put the past to bed where it belongs.

I hope this gives you all some hope for the future. Xx

Dear Yogagirl, we all need to move on and knowing how we keep ourselves busy and reading about what every one else is getting up too, shows that we are all moving in the right directionbut we'll never forgetand it would be wrong if we did.

We are mothers who have had our sons and daughters taken away from us, and even more cruelly, have had our grand children taken as well but we continue to love and miss them, and although as time passes the pain is is less intense most of the time, it remains none the less.

I don't know about relishing sleep, I just find it really difficult not to. I feel emotionally and physically exhausted and the tiredness just suddenly hits me. I went shopping this morning and felt fine and then when I'd finished putting it all away, I felt shattered.

My determination to get the most out of life for my self and my dear hubby is as strong as ever so this tiredness which I've had for several weeks now, is becoming a real drag and a little worrying, although I'm sure that once Christmas is out of the way it'll subside.

Thank you Jenty61your hopeful message is indeed comforting but I don't know when or if I'll ever contact my son again. The last time we spoke in the summer we went to his house as we were concerned about him and the last words he spoke to me were "we mustn't do this; it causes too much trouble". We didn't do or say anything provocative and the next morning received the most horrendous email. My hubby read it and warned me how awful it was so I waited several weeks before reading it my self; he was right, it was.

So far it's been the last in rather a long line of written abuse and I don't want to put myself in the position of receiving any more although this isn't stopping us from sending our gc a Christmas card again this year. I just hope if it's returned again it will be without his abuse.

I hope the contact you're having with your daughter continues, and continues to improve and that one day you'll be together again.

Smileless it's only been a few short months since you said you had contact with your son I've been estranged from my daughter now for over 5 years. The stream of abusive emails has been horrendous to the point I deleted them without reading as I know they were written in anger. It's been a long road but I persevered Sending enquiring email as to how she was, wether there will be anything more than emails I really don't know but I'm holding out for that.

Jenty our estrangement from our son and only gc has been going on now for two and a half years. Our last contact which was in the summer consisted of knocking on the door, asking him if he was OK when he eventually opened it, being told "yes" and that "we mustn't do this any more as it causes too much trouble". No more needed to be said and on this occasion as with all the other times, there was no need for the abuse that followed and I'm sure you've experienced the same.

We know that our son's tirades of abuse are from his anger, but what few explanations have been offered for his rage have been complete fabrications.

As you'll know from your own painful experience, a month with out the child and grand child/children you've lost feels like a year, and a year like a life time. Even the days sometimes feel like an eternity, there is nothing short about any of them.

He lives a 2 or 3 minute walk away from us so we never know from one day to the next if we'll drive past him with or without our gc, or drive past our gc with the childminder who lives even closer to us than he does. On the rare occasions this does happen it's truly heart breaking.

After the incident in the summer we realised that we were unable to keep 'rolling with the punches'. The toll it was taking on our physical and emotional health as well as the pressure on our marriage was becoming intolerable. As a consequence we took the decision to walk away emotionally. We could no longer be his emotional punch bag.

Our son doesn't want us in his life so we are doing our best to move on and we have felt a degree of inner peace since this decision was made, although as Christmas approaches we are all experiencing an intensity of our pain.

I hope one day you will have more than emails to share with your daughter. For my self and my husband, I hope for peace.

Hello Smileless
I think grieving is tiring and I think maybe it's a way our bodies protect our minds and stop us from losing it! Very good posts Smileless well it is Friday
Thank you for your input * Jenty61* and goodluck with your estranged daughter

I think I saw my gs today. As I came out of our village shop I saw the child minder with a little boy and 2 little girls but I wasn't sure if it was him. I was going to say 'hello, are you .....' but all of a sudden, I didn't want too.

It was really weird. I didn't feel anything, anything at all. I always thought I'd instinctively know him if I saw him; after all he's my son's son, but he was just a little boy, some one's son, some one's grand son but not mine, not really. He's three in a few weeks and this was the closest I'd been to him since he was 8 months old and I wasn't even sure that it was him.

Well it got me thinking. Is it really possible to love some one you don't know and never really have known? Is it possible to love some one whose changed so much that they're no longer the person they used to be, or are you loving the memory of that person?

Well, I've got the questions so I'll just have to see if I can come up with any answers.

Oh well enough already. I'm now going to settle down with aand watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'. I very much doubt there'll be a miracle on the street where I live, but I hope there's a miracle waiting for all of you.

Hello to all. I was signposted to this thread when I started a thread titled Letting Go on relationships. I'm a newbie and have been blown away by the similarity in the painful experiences of estrangement from our grandchildren. I don't know how to respond directly to specific people but the latest posts by Smileless have struck a chord. Thank you x

Hello Smileless
It's a hard one and one I think we all don't want to voice. Remember when I said I had looked on my Laila's school web page and I saw a picture of her, my ND said she didn't think it was her! It was just a thumb nail photo that I had to enlarge to see and out of all the little girls I thought 'that must be her', but then I was unsure! Then last Tuesday I bought our local paper as it had a special pull-out of all the local school's nativity plays, again the picture was small and there were two groups, I got a magnifying glass out to try and find my Laila. I picked one little girl out, but then when my ND came round she said 'no, it's that one!' the little girl was wearing a cow suit so again hard to see clearly, but it made me upset that I couldn't just pick her out You could order prints, but I didn't because I wasn't sure which one was Laila I would have loved to have had the picture.
Strange as I never buy this paper, I wasn't going to go down to my local shops, but decided at the last minute to walk down and post my Xmas cards. The shop had had a make-over and for the first time was selling newspapers and had a glass stand outside with just one local paper left, when I spotted the special nativity play pull-out! When my ND came round I had the paper folded to the page of Laila's school photo and low-and-behold my ND had bought the same paper, but in Billericay, some distance from me,where she works, as when she went into a little shop a lady at the till before her, had it in her hand, so my ND saw the 'special pull-out' and then bought it. We both never buy this paper, the last time we did was one year ago, when my ND phoned me to buy it as she had seen on-line the 'special pull-out on local nativities' This year we both didn't know about it dadadadada!! Spooky or what!?!

Welcome Nanventurer

Footnote:
I have put away the two photo's of me and my GS & GD with little loving plaques underneath, that I had on my coffee table and today I changed my mobile wallpaper of Laila & Jack & the inside picture of little Laila brushing her teeth and waving at the camera (so cute) to my little westie Lilly. I had to hold my breath to do it and it took a while of hesitation to complete

Oh yogagirl that is sad but Good idea really I still have huge photo of me holding. Mollie at ours when she was around 6. Months in our bedroom and one in sitting room also one of us both with her month before we were cut out she was 7 months I wonder about putting them away but can't bear to.

Smileless that is sooo sad. I think when you love someone you always do they are in your heart and wether you see your little grandson or not he is part of you and of course you love him.

I love little mollie and always will. Is harder with 2. NEver seen.
on bright note saw little Danika again yesterday it was lovely
Despite feeling . Not well throat etc, virus ! I didn't kiss her was worried she would get bugs, her mum gave us specially printed xmas card to auntie Anne and uncle graham hoping our Xmas is as lovely as us! With photo of Danika and inside as well. We will treasure it!

Off bed now weekend away was t great as started this throat day before !
Also had problem on arrival cut long story short duvet had rip i. It and cleaner see d resent me complaining I got very angry cos felt ill I think. Sorted In End £50 voucher spend on drinks much needed!

Off bed now client Tom who I cancelled last week. Just try do!
God bless all and smileless xx

Morning well had awful night thought was dying! Hot cold bad dreams.

Gra made me appt African doctor very kind and helpful chest infection got anti biotics for 8 days here's hoping they work! Back bed now xx

Poor you Celebgran hope you're feeling a little better today. What a shame you couldn't enjoy your weekend away as much as you'd have liked because you weren't feeling well. Aren't men funny creaturesmy hubby isn't one for complaining either and doesn't like it if I do. He never complains though if it works to our advantage. I don't suppose your hubby minded the drinks voucher Celebgran.

You must be tired after your bad night, it's funny how we have strange dreams when we're not feeling well and anti biotics can make you feel a bit off it too. Well the good news is you'll be well on the way to recovery by the time Christmas day arrives

Hello Nanventurer and a warm welcome to this thread. I'm so sorry that you're also experiencing the pain of being separated from your grand children. I've found this thread incredibly supportive and the ladies on here very kind and understanding so I know you will too.

Isn't that amazing Yogagirl that you and I at around the same time should be unable to identify our own grand children. I don't know why, but it never occurred to me that this could happen. I don't suppose it ever occurred to you either. I'm so sorry.

How are you feeling, now you've put their photo's away? That was a huge step for you to take and not an easy one, but none of the steps we have to take on this never ending road are, are they.in case you're feeling a little low today.

Had my last gym session today until after Christmas. I'm so glad I've had the gym to go to because I'm sure I'd have spent the last few weeks staying in and feeling sorry for my self.

Here's a littleandfor you all to get your weekend's off to a good start.

A agh thank you smileless

Doctor was kind and reassured me day 2 anti biotics. Son partner ill too!
Let's hope we all ok next week!

Graham just gone work so lazy day for me. Glad your oh like Gra think lot men do leave it to us women! No he was quite happy to use vouchers especially when she made it £50 not £30 as we were told.

Quite low we had to lend our son money as his car died and on first day starter motor gone! . He got one of these people carrier types to accommodate stepsons they both approaching 6' just messaged me as I type saying take back to discuss.

Adore our son and would t be so easy to cope with Tor despicable treatment
of us without him but he will never be good at going without etc. Maybe our fault we didn't let either of ours go without so they expect have it all? He was the reckless spender who got into awful debt Tor was the careful worker and saver. Is worry him and partner earn good money.
We tying up rest funds this is last bail out. To be fair he not asked we offered but did give them deposit too, his new family seem expensive. If only were our own grandkids!

Sorry rant over.

Smileless how you ? Good girl with gymn had dr miss acquacise this week due illness and seem keep eating quality street ?!

Want make some mince pies but think wait till stopped sneezing!

Have posted gifts to our little Grandaughters maybe virus but feel quite low this year. Here Hoping we can all enjoy festivities even tho our hearts broken, to us all,
And welcome from me to for new lady.

Oh yes Celebgran you'd better stop sneezing before making your mince pies; still I suppose you could give them a more unique flavour. It's difficult isn't it when your kids grow up and aren't very good at managing their money. You don't like to think of them going without or having problems and it's so hard not to offer to help out when you have the means to do so. Well at least we only have one to worry about financially now.

We're all feeling on the low side but not feeling well certainly wont be helping you Celebgran so I hope those antibiotics soon kick in and you'll be feeling better soon.
.
We've just finished putting away our last Christmas food shop, well I put it away while dear hubby fiddled with some of the outside lights. Had the mother of all panic attacks this morning because dh was posting our gs's card through their door oh his way to church. I was annoyed with myself as it was a really bad oneand I haven't had one like that for ages. When he came back he asked if it'd been returned yet, it hasn't so far but then again he wouldn't come down in broad day light any way.

In the midst of my panic I was wondering if it was worth it, for the sake of a card which wont get opened any way but I just can't not send him cards when I know where he lives and to be honest, I'm damned if I'd give them the satisfaction of not sending one.

Hope all is well with you Yogagirl, are you and Celebgran working this coming week? I'm having a look around the shops and having lunch with a friend tomorrow, no more gym for me until after Christmas.

Have a good evening every one.

Hello dear ladies all!

I read through the latest thread about 'giving up' - if it were that easy this forum need not exist. How wonderful if you could simply cut and run. We all know that no matter how you try, what reasoning you put into it, how wonderful life might be, turning off parenthood is a total impossibility and babies should come with a dire warning!

BUT nothing is for ever and good things come to good people however long it may take and however impossible and dark it may seem.

A very Happy Christmas one and all, but more importantly, a happy and improved New Year. xxxxx

How lovely to see your post Nanbanit's good to know that you come on from time to time and catch up with all of our news.

Christmas card update......well as yet, it hasn't been returned. My panic attack on Sunday was so bad, maybe he felt the vibrations . I have no doubt it went straight in to the bin, but I'm just relieved it didn't come back; I think it would have done so by now if it was going too.

Had some lovelydelivered today courtesy of M&S from my Dear son and d.i.l. from Aus. with a lovely message. I was so thrilled that I cried. An hour later there was another delivery, again courtesy of M&S. It's written on the label that it's a luxury gift box so I'm guessing it's from them too, but we'll open it together on Christmas day.

The love we receive from our children is so precious and when you've lost one of them, to know you are thought of and loved by the one's you still have becomes even more so. Today I feel a small spark of the joy that Christmas used to bring and my wish is that all on this thread experience joy this Christmas too.

So glad to hear that smileless ! It is lovley we still nave one child who loves us !

yours so far away.

Likewise great see nanban on nere.

Yogagirl hope you have good time also despite all our sadness lets put it aside and enjoy the festive times!

Merry Xmas peace and hopefully joy to us all x