Cut out of their lives 3

Evening all hope Monday went well!
Yogagirl sorry been painful daughter birthday but glad you enjoyed nice outing

Graham hit pothole last wed and did lot damage to car! Was day I went to Chelmsford with friend shop trip. Oh dear he not had lock luck this year 2nd accident, at least he ok.
Very stressful when took to garage. NExt day manager came up,and said gently you will need claim on insurance oh dear. They came collected car fri and lent us Suzuki splash it is fun little car!

Just feeling down and stressed! We had lovely lunch with friends yesterday and I went school today after having coffee with friend. I quite enjoyed hearing little ones read again they are mollie age so bittersweet.

Let's all try look after each other and make best of Xmas lets try switch off from our heartache !

Smileless hope you doing ok to help you Along!

Omg I need bit comfort! Myntwin. Brother partner from hell sent me random text she been texting last week. Or so all nicey inviting us over saying she was lonely maynhave said over 20 years ago her son was killed by her ex husband drink drive. Well was anniversary last sat I sent kind text she responded saying hard time or year and I replied yes hard for us too at Xmas and other bits bobs all friendly despite cant stand her doing it for my brother. Then Today wham she replied saying her son didn't choose to die my daughter still alive and I have chance to sort it instead of looking for sympathy her sympathy with Tor for not having mother! I was shaken and so hurt and shocked. Been in Bits, somehow managed a make cake for Monika bringing Danika tomorrow. Afraid I responded not in nice way omg.

Hope you mall had better day!
Graham at work of course, I also had run Gauntlet of carpet fitter as one two grippers were loose stood my ground and all ok. He bought his son such a nice polite chap.
Drove us to cinema tonight saw mr turner was good took mind of it all,
Spoke to my brother he just said sorry quite a bit!

So sorry *Celebgran " unfortunately others, not in our sad boat, do not & will never understand our grief and deep sorry that is the same (if not worse) than lossing a child in death! Find an article on the subject and send it to her with a nice note, saying it's to help her understand. Hugs God bless you xx

OMG Celebgran, what an awful thing for her to sayespecially as you were doing your best to be supportive. We've lost one of our children. Yes, they are out there getting on with their lives without us but our grief at their loss is as deep and wounding as if they'd died. I agree with Yogagirl, in some ways it is worse when your child abandons you. Her son didn't choose to die but your D, Yogagirl's D and our son have chosen to cut us out of their lives.

Do what Yogagirl suggested, better still, get her a copy of 'Abandoned Parents, the Devil's Dilemma', that will give her food for thought. Thanks for the*Celebgran*, it always does help things along doesn't it. Hope your dear hubby is OK, oh dear he's not had a good year with his car has he. Bless him, obviously has things on his mind.

I've read the chapter 'Leaving Your Abusive Children: The Devil's Dilemma' and now I understand the strange title of the book. It is a dilemma isn't it. Not that any of us are physically walking away from our children but in all probability there will come a time when we have to do so emotionally, for our own sake.

The more immediate and pressing dilemma for us all I'm sure is Christmas. We're going to send our gs a card, and if it gets put back through our letter box it will be put back through theirs and this little 'game' will continue until some one gets bored. It will be his 3rd Christmas.

There is no way we'll not send him cards at Christmas and for his bday as long as we know where he's living and our s knows this, it was in the note I posted through his letter box last Christmas day. We will not pretend our GS doesn't exist even if our s wishes we didn't.

I don't know how I'd cope if one of my children had the problems facing your D nannynoo. At least you see her and even if she reacts badly to your input, having contact with her does give you the opportunity to try and help and advise her. I hope that you continue to be able to communicate with her.

I've decided that today is TGIW so I can send you alland . Enjoy.

Morning Smileless
I was interested in what you said about Xmas cards. I'm wondering what to do this year about my GC Xmas cards too, now they are living with his parents, should I still post them? I will feel very sad if I don't, what do you think Celebgran On the other hand I'm thinking my D may feel some emotion if I don't!

I really do think you should post Christmas cards to your grandchildren Yogagirl. Your D has decided to cut you out of her life and as a consequence you've been cut out of the lives of your grandchildren. The GD you knew and love and the others that you've never been able to have a relationship with.

Whether your D likes it or not, you are her children's grandmother and she had no right to deprive you of them or them of you. It's been 2 years now since she abandoned you so what ever you decide focus only on what you want for your grandchildren, and try not to worry about what she may or may not think.

2 years on and our GS's 3rd Christmas fast approaching, I am not concerning my self with how my S may or may not be feeling. If he doesn't want his S to have a card from his paternal grandparents that's up to him and he should simply dispose of it. If he puts it back through our letter box it will go back through his and the pattern will be repeated until he gives up. It should be enough for him to deny his S his card and not necessary for him to rub our noses in the fact.

I'm sure it will be returned, perhaps with a note that could well be even nastier than the one we received last Christmas; if there's one thing I can say about my S, he never fails to disappoint.

Do what you want for your self and your grandchildren; what ever you decide to do, it will be the right thing.

Oh yogagirl and smileless such difficult one isn't it? Ref Xmas cards and presents etc. The passage of time for us is long nearly 6 years and I think is 6th Xmas with out Tor our daughter and thennow 3 little ones.

Each year we have the same old dilemma now we scaled right down were going cut out but am sending mollie a pretty penguin top book for Daisy and Lola not much but to prove we will never forget them.

Never once had an acknowledgment.

We been I. Bits over my brother vicious partner. Nd yes I should nave responded but I did. Now is causing stress with my brother my lovely husband rang the bitch Friday again his better judgement. Isn't life difficult?
She is very weird anyway and due to her son being killed by her ex drunk at wheel makes it complicated. She is always kicking my brother out after row he goes B and B regularly what a fool he is ! Love him though.

On bright note saw my lovely son today and it did half cheer us up.
Graham drove us to Cambridge we met up there. Was his partner birthday and her mum still with them from s Africa. Was lovely day our son treated us to posh lunch and it lifted our spirits seeing him as always!

Happy weekend all and yogagirl I would advise just a card as you may feel sad if you don't.

Well said smileless clever girl

Glad you and Gra had a nice time with your lovely son Celebgran. This must be so difficult if the child you lose is your only child. I can't begin to imagine how painful an experience that would be; goodness knows this is bad enough.

Your s.i.l. has had a terrible tragedy in her life. What a shame that she can't reach out to those who would be there for her if only she would let them. This must be very hard for you Celebgran as you're so close to your brother and lets face it, with what we're all going through, all we want is to be able to enjoy the company of, and love those who are still in our lives

Oooh I'm, so pleased the Christmas hat faces are back.

We've just got back from a fab weekend away celebrating a friends 70th bday. We went to a medieval banquet on Saturday and it was great fun. We all dressed up and one of our friends' went as a jester. He was in his element as the young ladies working there as serving wenches kept going up to him and ringing his bells. We arrived on Friday evening and left just before lunch today and laughed from the minute we arrived until the moment we left.

Well, I'm going to put up my advent calender and do my very best to get in to the spirit of Christmas as the count down really begins.

Remember Yogagirl, do what you believe is right for you and your lovely grand children.

Have a good evening every one.

Wow wonder if they will work for me

That sounds amazing weekend smileless
We already booked warners weekend with our good friends next feb for Gra 70th on dear he doesn't want publicity.

Yes you absolutely right must be horrid to only have one child but I know several who have lost both children to estrangement. Could be worse [tchmm]

We gave one of choc Santas to electricians little girl on Saturday hurray we got illuminated mirror replaced missed that in bathroom. Thought hurray at last we ok with that chapter of accidents bathroom but loo seat ashley repaired came right off next day! Mmmm Gra out back so may be ok but we remembered illuminated mirror and shelf was loose before only 2 brackets so reckon got get him back again.

Wow went doctor today's he had no Information. At all about my scan or appt or how long I will have to wait for the shock wave treatment on foot. Absolute bliss tho. MY foot is lot better can't believe it.

Did 2 clients today both had bright red varnish hard one to get right shows any marks on cuticles and skin felt worked hard today!

Feel like cold been sneezing for week on and off also ears and headache !

Gra off tomorrow holiday !,,so hope shop after acquacise.

Hope you ok yogagirl and your weekend was ok did you have any 1 to 1 s x

Great news about your foot Celebgran. Have a good day shopping with Gra tomorrow. Oh, you were doing so well until you got to the you missed out an 'h'.

I painted my nails for our weekend away 'french manicure' style. Not easy doing then white tips on my right hand with my left, still got there in the end. I'll have to come round and let you do mine. Haven't had a professional manicure in years.

Smileless that would be a pleasure!

French manicures look good and can be tricky too!

Yes'm hard believe foot improved thank you

Off bed. Ow god bless all

Hip,Hip Hooray! I wrote this post last night but it froze, I saved it but didn't have time to re-post, so fingers crossed.......
Hello Girls
Thanks for advise Smileless you better make sure M's Xmas card is a sturdy one It should be a happy time of year, especially with the little ones, but for us it's now a sad time, all the Xmas adverts are hard to watch now
I took a look on my GD's school web page and there is a photo of her in her little uniform with all the first years, also an invitation to the ' Nativity play for grandparents', so I thought 'That's me!' 9.30am next Thursday, not sure if I have the bottle to go, but I would love to , also they have a blog page and my little Laila has her own blog, but nothing on it as yet, so cute to see her name though . Bought all my Xmas cards today, two for Laila & Jack, I'm wondering whether to ask the school to pass them on to Laila with a covering note, or if I actually went to the Nativity play, I could hand them to Laila . Doubt I'll go though, I would be too going through stressed to enjoy it, wondering if I would be discovered! How sad is that!
So sorry Celebgran re little Mollie, Daisy & Lola, good that your sending them those little bits, I hope they actually get them, and sorry to hear about the problem with your sister-in-law, it's just too much, on-top of what we are all

Lost my post again
I was saying I am now fretting regarding going to my Laila's Nativity, my heart wants to go more than anything else in the world, but my gut is saying No! If I went and was asked to leave I would be mortified! Should I ask the school and hopefully get the go ahead, not so sure they would give it though, to think his mother (no relation to my Laila) can go to the grandparents play, but I cant!that absolutely kills me!!

Sounded like a fab weekend Smileless and you were happy the whole time too, well done on that
Hope you enjoy your day shopping Celebgran
Fingers crossed this post goes through and I don't have to re-write again

Well, losing posts must be catching as I'd just about finished mine when I lost it. Trouble is, when I lose a post it completely disappears and I have to start all over again. Do you think we're jinxed Yogagirl?

The temptation to go to Laila's nativity must be over whelming. If there's a performance for grand parents only, I'd go. I'm not saying that you should, just what I would do. I don't see why you would need the school's permission if they've extended an open invitation to all grand parents; you are her grand mother after all. You'll have to let us know what you decide and if you're going, when it is so we can all support you in spirit.

Our weekend was lovely but we're both feeling very deflated today. They're such a close and loving family that we can't stop thinking that that's how we used to be. I just can't get my head around it. I still can't believe that this has happened to us, to you and Celebgran and all the grand parents whose hearts are breaking because yet another Christmas is looming, another Christmas we're going to be kept away from our darling grand children.

They've got their Christmas tree up. I saw it as I drove past on my way to the gym this morning, where I burst in to tears. One of the members of staff gave me a hug, bless her.

I've got our grand child's Christmas cards ready to send. Well, one will be sent and the other will go in his memory box in case instead of shoving it back through our letter box, they just put it in the bin.

I've decided that if it's returned with another of our son's vile and cruel letters that I shall write to him and tell him that if he ever sends us a note, letter or email of that caliber ever again, I will take copies and put one through the door of every house hold in the village then every one will know what a low life he's become.

I've 'kept my powder dry' as my dear gran always advised for 2 and a half years now and enough is enough. I can't make him let us see our grand child or pass on the cards we send, and I can't stop him from sending his cruel notes and emails, but I can make public his cruelty. At least he'll be warned; my original intention was to do this if there was a repeat performance of last Christmas Eve's note and the terrible email we received in the summer.

Hope you had a good shopping spree Celebgran and haven't put too much of a strain on your foot, not to mention your bank balance.

Just watching a program about outrageous Christmas lights. Well ours wont be outrageous, I hope, but the decs will be going up on Sunday. Just hope we can get them done with dry eyes.

Oh yogagirl Laila nativity what a dilemma I would go too just like smileless is it next Thursday you said? You have every right and no one could ask you to leave. I just worry you will upset yourself too much. Thank you for mentioning my Mollie Daisy and Lola it made me feel happy seeing that.

I had bit wobble so asda that's far as we got! Saw little new baby girl and suddenly hit me all we missed with Daisy and Lola never seen either.

Got say our new kindle fire7hdx arrived still lunch time and wow so easy use etc except we ordered front facing camera and not happy with that have got 64gb of memory though
So my dear graham ordered me another one the kindle6 front and rear facing camera so can post pictures of fun outings and holidays on f book my little addiction!

Well we don't have grandkids to spend it on!

Didn't get my new boots but have got another kindle tablet coming.
It was 3 before we left home so just did asda, got some bargain Champagne £10 supposed be good acording to Taste tests. Also got my dear Steve a book and fun t shirt to got with his posh aftershave.
Got Gra 3 books too!

Smileless big hugs and you poor thing sad when you have to go past. We don't have memory box but I rake photos of presnents and cards for mollies blog.

We will support each other and be fine this Xmas you see.
Smileless what you doing Xmas day?

Our Steve and partner invited us to stay
Yogagirl you will be with n daughter ? Lucky to have 2 daughters and smileless and I lucky to have one nice son each! We don't deserve the pain none of us do

Mm also got some bendicks chocolate mints love them!

Sorry for just jumping in. Often lurk on here, but just wanted to give a bit of advice regarding the Nativity as i'd hate for you to be embarrassed.

When my DD has an event on there is a consent form sent out with the parents signature and who will be attending, there there are tickets sent out to these allocated people so they can be presented on the day. They do not let anyone just walk in.

Also, when my DD started school you are given alot of infomation to sign etc including who is allowed to collect your child. If there is anyone who enters the school, with a name that is not on that document and tries enquire or communicate with a child the police may be called.

Your DD or son (haven't read all the thread!) can let the school know if there is someone they don't want collecting their child then their name can be put down and it will be logged.

I'm sorry to put a damper on it but i really don't want it to be made any worse for you x

Big hugs "Smileless* so sorry to hear you cried, I feel too numb to cry, I do find it strange how I've only cried a few times in more than 2yrs, my heart cries every day but no tears, I'd like to know the reason for that
I dont think I'll be going to my Laila's nativity, my ND said I would be playing with fire if I went, i decided I wouldn't post a card to GC owing to the fact they are now living in his parents, but changed my mind again & will I know what you mean Celebgran by being chocked on seeing a little one, I can only now look, before I had to avert my eyes. I was funny on Sunday, after my yoga class finished, a birthday party was being held & two little girls came in 4&5, in their beautiful ice dresses, they were soooo cute, I chatted to them, helped the littlest with changing her shoes and the older one, who's birthday it was, invited me to her party, so sweet! She said it a few times, when I left, I really wanted to give them a hug and a kiss, but of course didn't. So that was heartwarming
Thank you for that info Red, times have changed since mine went to school , so that's def it then, no nativity

Yogagirl just to say we went to my niece little ones nativity no one asked us for form etc. Of I ourselves were with her.But do agree security is thought school I volunteer at have to press buzzer before being allowed through once given name.

Is damn hard for you but I worry if you do go it will just upset you more bit hugs. Send card is my advice at least they can't accuse you of not bothering. We going post little bits.

So hard to think my daughters went to 3 in laws husbands grand
Parents funerals (friend good online. And sent us the obituary notices recently) yet does t give a damn about her own family never visited her grandad grave even and refused be present of ashes burial.

So damn hard to understand,

Must lighten up Xmas party later

Thank you Celebgran and I'll take your advise. Rotten about the funerals, so sorry for you I cannot understand them at all, why they are happy to cut themselves off from everyone that loves them, their real bio family defeats me! I came on trying to paste a lovely poem, I'll try again later . Enjoy your Xmas party Celebgran

Don't think gransnet let's you paste

Was good party nice food and good music I am Youngest there I think
My good friend who runs club is 2 years older and others quite oldish but some. NIce ladies! No just tea but yummy food! We had little dance too!

Yes a card just keep door open and try not be too sad yogagirl is damn hard especially Xmas but we will help each other!

Glad you enjoyed your party Celebgran. I think one of the reasons my hubby enjoys lawn green bowling is because he's one of the youngest.

That was good advice Redheadedmommy. I hadn't thought of that and certainly wouldn't put it passed my son and his wife to block us from any of our grand child's school performances once he's old enough to go.

Had a lovely evening last nightwe put up all of our decs and had a take away and; all a bit emotional but not quite as bad as last year. A lady who works for us has just become a grand mother to a beautiful little girl. It's hard trying to hide the tears when passing on ones congratulations. I've bought her the sweetest little out fit today. I'm glad she had a girl as buying things for little boys is much harder for me.

Saw a friend of her parents today and she was telling me that her daughter is pregnant and then asked if we'd seen our grand child yet so of course I said 'no'. She asked after our other son and if there was any news of a grand child. I said 'no' and that the thought of them having a child terrified me in case this all happened again. She said 'it wont, not every one's the same' and then I burst in to tears. Oh dear, I'm not doing very well at the moment am I. She was really upset and told me she really felt for me which was lovely considering she's known her since she was a small child and is a good friend of her family.

You're right Celebgran we are indeed fortunate to have a wonderful son each and Yogagirl has her lovely daughter. As you say, we will continue to support and help one another. We can get through this. for you all.

Oh smileless big hugs and it is emotional at moment is nt it?

I will fess up I sent Tor a card today Graham posted it. It was a poem I Adapted from broke. Hearted grandparents and was soooo sad. It ended up asking how do you grieve for a child not gone etc rubbish remembering it but soooo poignant and title was Christmas ache it was so truthful like pain we all go through especially this time year and asked z(was for daughter) do you still think of me or am I just distant memory you get the picture?

Think Graham was bit sad I did this today at acquacise I thought am I totally stupid the girl does not want to see me she has been downright evil taking our little mollie away and not even
telling us of Daisy of Lola why can't I just accept it.??