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AIBU be glad when the weekend is over?

(97 Posts)
Soutra Sun 09-Mar-14 21:01:15

DD wished me a "fun" weekend on Friday. confused What is fun about weekends? Since retirement weekends are just like any other day only more so since the activities I enjoy - lit, film club, book group etc happen on weekdays or evenings. DH does his usual of taking most of the day to read the paper, do the crossword/sudoku/griddler and has no interest in going anywhere. His lack of mobility and energy rule out NT houses and when I have suggested visiting a garden he is apathetic. So today I cleaned 2 bathrooms ( his being a no-go area) spent 2 hours weeding and tidying up in the garden, did a load of washing and hung it out, hrated some soup for lunch, watched the rugby, made supper and now am watching Crufts. Himself has gone off for an early night and I am left wondering how I cope with all this excitement and fun. hmm

Ana Sun 09-Mar-14 21:12:13

I'm in a similar situation, Soutra, although I still work part-time and quite frankly can't wait to for Monday morning just to have a break from the tedium of weekends.

I can't help thinking sometimes that this isn't what I signed up for - but of course I did and I just have to get on with it, but it isn't always easy...

JessM Sun 09-Mar-14 21:13:09

Its a similar syndrome if you work from home soutra. Not so different to the week. People that go out to work 5 days a week see weekends very differently don't they.
I always used to be mildly pissed off with teachers who used to wish me a great holiday. I did sometimes point out that the only holiday for me was no governors meetings and those not paid to work in schools generally kept on working during school holidays grin
It must be hard for older people who find themselves single to find things to do at weekends - church is one of the few things on offer. Some U3As do walks or lunch clubs etc. My neighbour goes on a walking group on a Saturday afternoon, even though her husband is no longer able to join her for long walks.

MiceElf Sun 09-Mar-14 21:22:49

Soutra, my neighbour is in a similar place, but her husband is not ailing, just unwilling o go out. She decided she needed to something to fill the weekend and has volunteered at the local NT house where she does guided tours. She has been able to pursue a research interest, met a lot if like minded people and it gets her out of the house every Sunday.

Soutra Sun 09-Mar-14 21:36:07

Great idea miceElf but I think we live in a black hole as far as NT and English Heritage are concerned.Hence the effort involved. The nearest is Stowe Garden in one direction and Wimpole Hall in the each I would say over 20 miles away and he doesn't like being left alone for long periods.

granjura Sun 09-Mar-14 21:42:35

If your OH does not fancy going out, visiting gardens, or whatever- why do you not quietly say- fine have a lovely day, and I am going out for a few hours to visit XYZ - on your own or with a friend, or 2.

You are not velcroed at the hip- and it is much healthier to go and do something you enjoy and come home in a good mood and relaxed, than to harbour all this resentment- surely?

granjura Sun 09-Mar-14 21:44:27

Missed the bit about him 'not liking being left alone for long' but unless he is handycapped or incapacitated in some way or other- than tough cheese, really.

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 09-Mar-14 21:47:39

How exactly did your DD expect you to have "fun"? She must know your situation. Was a slightly odd, perhaps even insensitive, thing to say. I think I might have said something to her to that effect tbh.

jinglbellsfrocks Sun 09-Mar-14 21:50:46

I think your weekends sound a lot like many other people's. So long as you have some nice outings at other times in the week, why worry?

absent Sun 09-Mar-14 21:50:54

I have worked from home for years so I don't really differentiate between weekdays and weekends. However, I spent Saturday in a flurry of baking, cooking chicken nibbles, making jelly and generally preparing my contribution to seven-year-old granddaughter's birthday picnic as well as shoving a couple of loads through the washing machine, hanging it out, bring it in, folding it etc. Oh, I also wrapped the birthday presents. The Sunday morning was a whirl of packing stuff up for the aforementioned picnic – which was absolutely lovely. Although it is officially autumn, the sky was brilliant blue without a cloud and the temperature somewhere in the low twenties. Not a squabble or complaint among the five children – small miracle. Then everyone back to my house for birthday cake and a much deserved cold beer. Then when they had gone, there was a lot of washing up and trying to sort out which plates, mugs, spoons, etc. were mine and which were absentdaughter's. So that was all busy and mostly fun – but boy did the evening drag. We weren't hungry – stuffed full of quiche, sausage rolls and cupcakes – NZ television is even more dire than the BBC – and I just longed for bedtime from about five o-clock in the afternoon. To be fair, I was feeling pretty tired. Otherwise I would have ironed Saturday's washing grin grin – I don't think. There is certainly something slightly dreary about Sunday evenings; it's a kind of non-time.

Soutra Sun 09-Mar-14 21:53:29

Most of my friends are married /couples and share interests at weekends or else their DC and DGC are nearby. I think DH has perhaps never felt the urge to do much at weekends and while I was teaching I had more than enough to do! Maybe we lost the habit even before it was forced on me. Pehaps the difference is that now we have the time but not the health. Somehow separate activities are easier to justify in the week.

Deedaa Sun 09-Mar-14 21:56:47

So I'm not the only one Soutra My thrills this weekend have included washing the kitchen floor, cleaning the oven and the obligatory visit to MiL to see how loopy she is this week. At least I did do a bit of tidying up in the garden which got me out in the sun.
To be honest, although I am trapped at home with DH not wanting to go out or to be left alone, it wouldn't have been much better if he wasn't ill. In 43 years of marriage I can probably count the number of "outings" we have had on the fingers of 2 if not 1 hand. It's just that before he was ill I could always go without him.

Ana Sun 09-Mar-14 21:58:43

I think sometimes our children turn a blind eye to our problems. Soutra's DD probably didn't think when she said that - mine often seems to assume that because I'm so ancient (!) I love nothing better than pottering around waiting on DH hand and foot and putting the bins out! hmm

Ana Sun 09-Mar-14 21:59:42

Deeda flowers

Mishap Sun 09-Mar-14 22:12:07

My OH too does not like to go out - ever. He understands that this would not suit me so I do my own thing with his blessing. But it is nice to potter around at home sometimes; and we share a joy in the GC visiting.

The idea that he might "visit a garden" is laughable really!

mollie Sun 09-Mar-14 22:17:28

Soutra, isn't Canon's Ashby in your neck of the woods? I think Ascot House is probably a bit far in the other direction...

TriciaF Sun 09-Mar-14 22:25:12

Thank goodness for this forum - my husband doesn't like to go out either!
I thought I was alone in this.
What happens to men after retirement?

DebnCreme Sun 09-Mar-14 22:26:06

Lot of truth in what you say Ana family do turn a blind eye to our problems. I have to agree weekends are proving a disappointment, it probably has something to do with our children doing there own thing now they are grown up. (((hugs))) to both Soutra and Deedaa and no Soutra you are not being at all unreasonable.

Soutra Sun 09-Mar-14 22:27:14

Some kindred spirits here!smile Yes GJ there is a chronic illness dimension which I see others share. I didn't think my problem was unique but the gorgeous weather today s highlighted that many of my friends seemed to be out and about! DDs really have little sense of the tedium of much of our lives as I always try to sound upbeat and not criticise their father in the way my mother used to moan That seemed to me to be unfair but it also means I can sometimes feel lonely and end up boring you all offloading .

Ana Sun 09-Mar-14 22:30:10

Yes, that's true Soutra, you can't offload to your children.

Soutra Sun 09-Mar-14 22:33:22

Yes mollie Castle Ashby is near but not open to the public. I think Canons Ashby is nearer Daventry but I would be happy for us to use our NT membership now and then!

Gally Sun 09-Mar-14 22:50:10

I hate weekends. 2 days when everyone except me seems to be doing family things including my DDs. They usually ring me at some point because they know how awful it is for me. I try to keep busy but I will never get used to doing it alone.

janeainsworth Sun 09-Mar-14 23:04:00

Soutra I haven't really enjoyed weekends since we had the children.
Before that, in student days and young professional days, we would go away for the weekend, or it would be party time.
When the children were little, the weekends still revolved round MrA's sailing, which wasn't too bad, but once I went back to work full time, the weekends were a nightmare of trying to cram in all the jobs related to both work and home, and when the kids were in their teens, seemed to be totally taken up with hockey matches, sailing events, and Guiding or DofE stuff.
I stopped having dinner parties in 1993.
If we did go away for the weekend either to visit DM or DMiL, it would take me a fortnight to catch up.
Unfortunately that mindset has stayed with me. The week days feel like days when I can do nice things, and the weekend feels like a drag, usually.
I think it's worse when you imagine that everyone else is having a great time. MrA dislikes New Year's Eve, so usually we don't do anything, although for the sake of accuracy, we did last year.
My misery at not going out is compounded by the thought that everyone else is having a marvellous time and we are a pair of Billy No-Mateses.
flowers wine

Culag Sun 09-Mar-14 23:04:14

I hate weekends too, now I am alone. My late husband took early retirement partly because there was so much he wanted to do. I'm fairly busy during the week and am always upbeat on Mondays.

mollie Sun 09-Mar-14 23:04:59

Don't all shout at once but why are weekends any different to any of the other five days of the week if you are home all the time?

I'm home all the time so every day seems the same to me too and to be honest I'm happy to hibernate during the weekend to avoid the crowds and much prefer doing things during the week when the workers are tucked away at their desks.

Didn't the Dowager Lady Downton (whatever her name was) ask 'what are weekends" in the first series?