DD huge family take priority

This is exactly what my DH and I did.

Worked great. Your son needs to make these arrangments. A set day you see your son and your DGC. If you have a poor relationship with your DIL he needs to step up.

Thank you! Have always had good relationship with son. You're right. He needs to step up more. They did bothsay once a week 'at least' before arrival of GD and I haven't done or said anything nasty. Son had planned a day a week as DIL always goes to her parents on Sundays ( as well as during week. Son usually goes there too after he's finished his shift. Never comes to us on Sunday). I do feel though that if I text and ask if he's free, he feels under pressure and I know his work requires flexibility. So I am back in position of having to wait until he texts me. Then he comes round for up to an hour only. I suspect that he has to fit visit to me in around whatever else DIL has planned with her family and friends. If I can't make the 'appointed hour' then it's my ' fault' for not seeing GD and not 'prioritising' an hour as and when I'm texted with her over anything else. I think it's unreasonable to leave me in that kind of limbo indefinitely and that DIL and her family are being very selfish towards son as well as me. At the moment, i haven't been texted or seen GD for ten days. Am wary of even texting to ask

for you Shoreham, it's awful to be in limbo, waiting for a 'phone call or text, I really feel for you having been there my self.

Your son does need to step up to the plate and think about his own parents at this time. It isn't easy but it just has to be done. It's such a shame when the other set of grandparents are having such a great time with their gc, that they don't consider how upsetting and hurtful it is for the others who are having such little contact; do they know this is the situation?

Everything crossed that by now you'll have heard from your son and will be seeing your little gd this weekend.

I'm not a grandparent, I am a DIL. I have read through this whole thread and a couple of comments struck me:

'Can't help but think that the bthe parents/ mums of the dils could be less selfish and make room for their sils to share and allow bonding of his offspring with his parents too. it's the gc who lose out in the longer run after all'

And:

'Thanks but may be it's time for DILs' own mothers to be less selfish hogging grandchildren and, in effect, their SILs? a bit of consideration on their part would reduce so much anxiety/ tension/resentment/misunderstanding'

What if it's the case that the DIL's parents don't 'hog' their grandchildren and in fact it would be nice if the PIL wanted to hog them a little bit more than they do instead of playing favourites with other GC? This has caused me great anxiety and certainly I feel that my dcs lose out because of their behaviour. In fact I have gone almost a whole year without seeing PIL because of the situation. My DH takes them to see them occasionally but otherwise they are simply not interested. I'm sure that I, as the DIL am being painted in much the same way as some people have mentioned up thread. However, I feel as though I have had to make this stand for my DC's sake and to try and make PIL see how their behaviour is unfair.

I had a good relationship with them before SIL and I had children. Then the gulf between the treatment of either set of GC became very apparent. I am totally aware of the mother/daughter thing, but this shouldn't necesarily come into it where the GC re concerned

FWIW, my DH doesn't agree with me-he was brought up without a backbone and I'm still trying to talk him into getting one for himself! It always hurts when he is happy to keep PIL sweet by not fully confronting them about it, but will see me upset over this whole issue!

Why should we bite our tongues! I feel like the poor relation.
My granddaughter is gorgeous! They live nearby so I go often, either planned visits or I ring first. DIL has a lovely relationship with her mother and she is so patient with my GD!
My concern is that my DH hasn't seen my GD for months. My son, DIL and GD do not visit us, well very rarely. I've given up asking them over as I am fed up with the excuses! I'm beginning to think I must have missed something out of his upbringing!
I worry constantly about this situation. So I've said that if they cannot find the time/energy/ inclination to visit us then I'm not going to there house! I can't go on worrying it's making me ill. I would rather know one way or another. Yes, I know it might make things worse but I'm not prepared to be treated like some second class relative!
All mothers out there with daughters should spare a thought for us MIL's!

Freda - Let me assure you that it is not just mothers of sons that suffer in this way.

Its also not just sons and daughters, Freda my MIL did exactly the same as your son.

It was always us who made effort and took the time for her. It was always me who made arrangements and canceled plans to suit her. She never put any effort in and just didn't care tbh. We got sick of it and when we wouldn't dance to her tune it all blew up in her face.

We haven't seen her in over a year. I hope your son see's that he's being unfair and you get a happier ending than us.

Well I suppose, in a way, it's good to know I'm not the only one in this situation, but it's not a good situation. I will have to wait n see n keep busy in the meantime!
Good luck to all who are having difficult times with any family members��

Since so many are in the same situation, surely we shd speak up. I am not going to bite my tongue forever. I told son that DiL will have to accept that PEOPLE are entitled to have different viewpoints and that her way of interpreting things is just HER way : other people have different interpretations and that she can't simply call people LIARS who disagree with her...something he never did. Nor is it ABNORMAL for Grandparents to show interest in seeing their GC. If anything, the opposite would be true.
Being civil isn't so hard. dIL is ignorant and unkind but I would never say that and am now no longer interested in bending over backwards to accommodate her whims as son realises. He wants his kid to see us more but backbone is developing only slowly. I'd like to tell him that it's high time DIL considered him more...still biting tongue on that one!