Gransnet forums


to feel annoyed my comments were seen as 'rude'

(45 Posts)
Penstemmon Mon 26-Jan-15 21:15:19

On a local forum a young woman asked how soon a landlord should repair her boiler because it was freezing and she had 2 kids and it had been off since yesterday (Sunday). I responded that it should be as soon as possible but pointed out that homeowners often also had to wait until a) they could afford to repair it, b) a heating engineer was available so meanwhile layer up and make lots of hot soup! She got very angry with me and then threw in that both her kids had some disability that made them vulnerable.... I then got abuse from all and sundry for my 'rude' comments!

Ceesnan Tue 27-Jan-15 06:59:43

Oh dear Penstemmon you are getting similar treatment here as well!! I saw nothing wrong with your suggestions which were obviously meant to be helpful. Some people are too quick to take offence I'm afraid. Have some flowers

thatbags Tue 27-Jan-15 07:09:48

The OP's advice is fine. Since I'm a cynic, it did cross my mind to wonder if the kids' disabilities were being used as emotional blackmail. In any case, anger and verbal abuse are an inappropriate response to the OP's advice, even if the receiver of the advice didn't like the advice she was given.

petallus Tue 27-Jan-15 07:50:54

There has been a lot of emphasis recently on free speech and the right to offend, also the view that if someone is offended that is their responsibility because they could always chose not to be!

Easy in theory, not so easy in practice?

ginny Tue 27-Jan-15 08:40:20

Yanbu. I can't see how what you said was rude. I do get cross with people who post on a public forum and then get annoyed when others don't answer questions with the answer they want or give the advice that they want to hear.

Riverwalk Tue 27-Jan-15 08:43:37

'Knowing' Penstemmon from her previous posts I'm surprised to detect a certain hostility in her reply - it wasn't rude but there was implied criticism of the mother that she shouldn't expect too much.

From what we know advice wasn't sought on how to keep warm merely how long should a landlord take to fix the problem, so the bit about extra woollies and soup came over to me as unnecessary and a bit sarky.

Marelli I'm shocked that your GD had to wait so long - surely the boiler part was standard stock. I would have thought that councils and landlords have a statutory duty to fix boilers within a shorter time - not everyone has family and friends who can help out shock

Marty Tue 27-Jan-15 10:02:41

What's YANBU and SIBU?

Juliette Tue 27-Jan-15 10:12:40

Penstemmon gave good advice on the facts that were presented to her. Had she been speaking to the mother face to face then her advice might have changed somewhat. That's the trouble with writing and not speaking. I saw no criticism in the post but you did Riverwalk, different interpretations of the written word and once written there's no chance to go back. There is so much 'overthinking' on this forum it completely baffles me sometimes.

Riverwalk Tue 27-Jan-15 10:35:06

Juliette I don't know why you're baffled - Penstemmon did ask us to comment on her words used on another forum so obviously we're going to dissect them!

Marelli Tue 27-Jan-15 11:07:17

Riverwalk, the council house that DGD has is about 40 years old (so the boiler may be about the same age). The same thing happened at my son's flat (built in the late 60's). I would imagine that perhaps the parts aren't as readily available and that there isn't enough council funding for them to upgrade the boilers now. DGD is a working single mum who only just scrapes by financially. She wouldn't have been able to afford to buy extra heaters, so it's just as well she was able to gird her loins (and wrap herself and her little boy up warm!) and ask for a loan of heaters from the council!

Ariadne Tue 27-Jan-15 11:09:39

Marty abbreviations:

AIBU = am I being unreasonable (the thread heading)
SIBU = she is being unreasonable


Eloethan Tue 27-Jan-15 11:17:51

Penstemmon I thought the point you made about it being quite usual that people have to wait to get boilers fixed was a very reasonable one.

I'm not sure it was helpful to talk about some home owners having to save up to get such repairs done. To someone who may possibly never be able to buy their own home and who may have had other experiences of her landlord not getting repairs done at all or in a timely fashion, your remark could be hurtful.

I think this is one of the problems of responding to these sorts of queries. If you don't know anything about a person and their particular situation, it's difficult to judge whether they are being unreasonably demanding or whether they are being badly treated.

On a slightly different note, I thought families with young children, and elderly or disabled people received priority in getting heating fixed?

durhamjen Tue 27-Jan-15 12:05:39

There has also been a lot in the news about landlords getting rid of tenants who just wanted their boilers fixed. That's probably why she just asked how long she should expect to wait.

soontobe Tue 27-Jan-15 12:30:22

It is the perils of the internet.

In real life, we speak differently to different people.
We might give all sorts of advice to our nearest and dearest, but wouldnt say all the same things to a complete stranger.

On the internet, until or unless we know a person better, we speak to the posters all the same. Which unfortunately sometimes backfires.

Galen Tue 27-Jan-15 12:57:30

I remember the days before central heating. Coal fire in the bedroom if you were ill! Ice on the inside of the windows and putting your undies in bed with you to water. Them before dressing. I was a 'child with a disability' I had asthma!
I'm still alive age 70
No you weren't rude! Just practical. When I was without my boiler during the very cold snap in November just over a year ago! I lit the fire and borrowed heaters.

jeanie99 Wed 04-Feb-15 03:25:56

I remember years ago I made a general comment on a forum about something or other can't remember what it was now and a lady made a reply believing I had made the comment about her.

I didn't know the women but several people got on the band wagon and I was flabbergasted at the hateful comments I received.

People can totally take things the wrong way.
Something you might say in jest someone else takes seriously.

absent Wed 04-Feb-15 05:20:38

I am a landlord; my property is managed by an agent. There are contracts with tradespeople so when something goes wrong and needs repair or replacement, I am e-mailed, I agree to the work or purchase and it happens – usually within days and sometimes immediately. That's what landlords are supposed to do. I should hate my tenants to be without heat and hot water, cooking facilities or whatever at any time of year. My feeling is that the landlord has a responsibility and should respond asap. What happens with people who own their own houses is an irrelevance and perhaps that was caused the accusation of rudeness because it was perceived as a put-down.

TwiceAsNice Wed 04-Feb-15 06:29:08

I am in a rented house and my heating packed up on a Saturday night. I left a message on my landlords phone. He responded a few hours later to give me the number of the plumber he has a contract with and they text me to say a plumber would be with mr mid morning on the Sunday. I was lucky it was a small fault and it was fixed by Sunday lunchtime so my landlord responded very promptly and I haven't got children to worry about. I did have an immersion heater for hot water and a fan heater to use whilst I was waiting.

Falconbird Wed 04-Feb-15 07:28:57

I lived in a rented house for 8 months last year and the Landlord was great. However once I had given notice to leave, he became very distant. I had to pay a lot of money towards having the carpets cleaned when I left. (Can't remember how much exactly but think it was about a hundred pounds.)

Soutra Wed 04-Feb-15 08:00:41

Galen don't you just love predictive iPadsgrin I assume you wrote warm them before getting up but your iPad decided in its infinite wisdom to change that to " water them" grin