I do hope that your health is continuing to improve Louiseamay and that the problems you are having are not hindering your recovery.
Your original post mentions problems with your d.i.l. when your GS was just a few months old; her "distant and sometimes rude" behaviour but you go on to say that after a period of time this seemed to resolve itself and that it was your recent illness that bought about the re occurrence. It would seem therefore that your illness is not the issue here, but rather as has already been mentioned jealousy.
Jealousy is not described as 'a green eyed monster' for nothing, it is a very destructive force that can destroy relationships, even those between parents and children as I know only too well as it's our d.i.l.'s jealousy of the relationship I had with my son, that has resulted in him cutting us out of his life and the life of our only GC.
How do I know this? because she told me so. Before they were married she told me that she had been jealous of our relationship but she now realised that our closeness was a good thing and that she was over it; sadly that wasn't the case and her 'distant and sometimes rude behaviour' became even more pronounced when their child was born.
Whatever her issues may be, there is no justification for sidelining you and her apparent insensitivity. Why on earth, if this is the case, should a woman be jealous because her husband is close to his mother? Surely it's a good thing to have the man in your life show his love and concern for his mother especially at times of ill health. My DH is very close to his mum, he sees her twice a week, he is a wonderful caring man and devoted husband and if that is in part because of the close relationship he has with his mother, I am grateful for it.
I do agree that you are fortunate to have retained the relationship you have with your son and are able to see your GC regularly, I also agree that you should try and accommodate your d.i.l. as best you can but, within reason. Doesn't that sound crazy 'you are fortunate', why should it ever be a matter of good fortune that parents keep their relationships with their adult children when they marry and have children of their own, when it should be the most natural thing in the world.
Faye "if either of us had a personality disorder or belligerent personality and didn't give a toss what we said or how we treated each other, we wouldn't be a well functioning family" how right you are. We were for nearly 30 years but sadly are no more.