being annoyed at people wearing black to a wedding?

Lilyflower at my brother-in-law's funeral (died aged 51) his girlfriend, my husband and 3 brothers all wore Hawaiian shirts (brothers all matching bought especially) at his request. Another brother has since requested all wear shorts at his funeral as he wears them all year round (he used to cycle race).

I think pretty much anything goes these days. After all people are going to wear the outfits after the wedding and, if your preference is for black or white, then why should you wear something out of your comfort zone for that one day?

Sign of the times and bravado of youth Anniebach and not attention seeking at all.

I've never heard of not wearing black to a wedding and, as other have said, it is quite the thing for bridesmaids to wear black. At my DS's wedding I wore a white dress with black applique, a black bolero and fascinator and, for the first time in my life, felt fantastic. Had so many compliments and certainly the bride and groom didn't object to the white or black.

I guess I am just grumpy, and I absolutely KNOW I am not a good fit here, but whatever the thread, I find myself answering with the same thing: "their *insert occasion/person/whatever, their rules". Works here too - while one's own personal preference might be at variance with that of the hosts and/or other guests, it is unreasonable (and potentially offensive) to simply cling to one's shibboleths regarding anything. It can be more difficult to accept change as one ages, and we may seek out the comfort of the familiar, but one ought to at least consider with an open mind whether some of the changes may actually be positive.

I don't have a problem with black at a wedding and in any case, funeral black is different from other black in my mind.

Trends have been changing for years now and there's definitely a move towards the American wedding style, where women are almost in evening wear and very glamorous. Personally I wouldn't wear all white to a wedding, but if it was an evening wedding I would wear black without a second thought. Now that people don't have to get married in a church or registry office and at any time of day or night, it's only to be expected other things like dress code changes.

I especially love that bridesmaids don't all have to wear the same dress. The trend of them wearing a dress in the same fabric, but in a style that suits their body shape will be a relief to so many bridesmaids!

I wore black with pink accessories to my sister's wedding in 1969 (registry office). She wore a silvery white to her son's wedding in 2000 and there was no question of competing with the bride.

Some people do want to be noticed Annie. My very ex sister-in-law, who was quite petite but wore the most enormous hat to my wedding, insisted on being in front of everyone in the wedding photos "because she was small" and "stole" a lot of them. Was that a hat outside the rules of wedding wear of the day - nope. My SIL was an overweening narcissist - everything revolved around her and that made her very rude at times. If someone wearing a black dress tried to make themselves more important than the bride and groom they would equally be very rude; if not what's the problem?

Rules of etiquette are designed to make society run smoothly; to oil the wheels but when they become outdated and society itself changes - which it does with every generation - they can actually do the reverse and make the very people hanging on to them the ones who cease to make things comfortable for others because of intransigence doesn't not allow them to change with the changes.

And, as a follow-up - my mother wanted people to wear brighter colours at her funeral, not all black, and I requested that people attending respect her wish.....who do you think actually respected that heartfelt request at a difficult time? Generally the under 50's. The older people gave the lame excuse that "it shows respect" to wear black, despite my clear explanation of why I was asking them not to. How much respect were they actually showing, do you think? I know what I think.

An acquaintance of mine recently married for the second time and wore black herself. It was very unusual but def made a statement! I don't think she'll mind me sharing her pic as it's all over FB already.

The worst wedding clothes I saw was a groomsman in a football shirt. I wish people wouldn't wear black not even for funerals . It's so dull and drab. Muted colours if you must but there are so many beautiful colours to wear use your imagination and ditch the black.

Re Nipsmum's comments on black for funerals - I went to my dear brother in law's funeral in a pink coat. At all the funerals I go to now (more and more as I get older) the vicar starts with "This is not a time for mourning but a celebration of ---'s life." So I wore my pink coat in celebration of this lovely, funny, kind, man's life. Everyone else wore black or grey. I will do it again if I am asked to any more.

My last wedding, third, to my 'current husband' as I call him to keep him on his toes, we were completely broke, just afforded the licence and a cheap ring, had two witnesses, bought Macdonalds on the way home and opened a bottle of champagne saved up in the fridge. The two witnesses thought they were being asked to help with decorating so were wearing jeans an T shirts. Groom and I wore suits from when we had jobs.
That was 22 years ago, so added to the 17 years we had already been together I would call it a success. Really - what does it matter what colour people wear?

Dont think black really suits a Wedding, always asssociate the colour with Funerals and mourning, maybe it went down well with the younsters.

princesspamma I agree with you about the lack of respect shown.

Katek she looks stunning!

Times change and some are happy to be left behind, some are not.

I don't think anyone should be told what to wear for a wedding, even less so for a funeral. We all mourn in our own way, and if part of the grieving process is to wear a sombre colour, that should be up to the individual.

Totally in agreement with all the posters saying a) never heard of this so called 'rule', b) there are many worse ways to show lack of respect and c) frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn! I really feel that these silly, old-fashioned ideas of 'rules' are outmoded and irrelevant in the modern world. As long as everyone involved is polite, kind and filled with the love and joy of the day what on earth does colour of clothes matter?! And, by the way, the bride in the black dress looks brilliant! One of my daughters has said that if ever her partner manages to persuade her that a wedding is a good idea (she hates them!), she will definitely not be wearing white of any description and rather fancies black! It's all about enjoying the celebration surely?!

omajane I entirely agree with you about these strapless décolleté wedding dresses. The brides look so tarty and, especially with those Shirley Bassey type bridesmaids dresses, the bridal party looks so tacky.
Just my opinion to which I'm entitled

It seems to me not so long ago that folk were complaining about brides wearing white if they weren't virgins. And I remember our headmistress measuring the length our skirt hems were from the floor when kneeling!
We do seem to obsess over what other people wear - I wonder why. Things change, and that's probably a good thing, isn't it?

A wedding we attended in the70s bride wore a black trouser suit very unusual then a lot of guests were shocked but it was her choice and that's what matters .

My MIL wore white at our daughter`s wedding, but we didn`t mind, neither did the bride.

This is a wedding I was at a few years ago, I think she looks very elegant in black.

All these traditions are so outdated and Victorian. I wore a black jacket to a funeral recently (because I like the jacket, not because it was suitable attire for a funeral) and I felt a right wally. All the other women were in bright summer dresses and sandals. On the other hand I wore black trousers, a red top and no hat to a wedding a few years ago and all the other women wore skirt suits and hats. As to the question of black at weddings, of course you should wear it if you want to, this is 2016 not 1916.

It used to be said that it was unlucky to wear green to a wedding. I only did this once and it was a very pale green. My mum had a green hat on at my wedding!

Most Victorian wedding dresses were brown or black, or so I've read, because these were the cheapest colours of fabric. Only the very rich wore white.

Who cares, truly? Each to their own and surely the couple's choice and everyone should rejoice in this.