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AIBU to think the only person who should open mail is the person it's addressed to

(61 Posts)
nickynacky Tue 06-Sep-16 16:28:48

I just saw something on social media where someone was saying they were happy for their partner to open their mail and wondered if it was just me who was surprised by this? Of course if I have ordered, say, something for the house and it arrives, and it's obvious what it is then fine. But other post? No! Apart from the fact I like the act of opening it (unless it's a bill), I feel what is sent to me is sent to ME. Don't get me wrong - I have a happy and trusting relationship with my partner and I have nothing to hide. But my mail is my mail (luckily he feels the same)

Juggernaut Wed 07-Sep-16 11:23:16

I tend to open all the mail in this house, otherwise it would be put on the stairs and ignored.
If it's something obviously personal, I put it unopened on the seat of 'his' chair, to make sure he sees it.
DH does look in my handbag, but usually asks first, but he never opens my purse unless I ask him to, nor do I look in his wallet!

felice Wed 07-Sep-16 11:25:48

We stayed with my Mother for 4 weeks whilst moving countries, any re-directed mail which came for us she opened, including bank statements and officil documents.
She said it was her house and everything which arrived was her business.
I got up very early one morning to try and catch the post and she was hiding at the back of the front door. She was shivering and had obviously been there a while. Cause of yet another argument sad

EmilyHarburn Wed 07-Sep-16 11:34:24

Human Rights to open own mail see below:

Lady Stacey ruled that prison guards had breached the human rights of 51-year-old William Beggs by opening mail sent to him by the Information Commissioner’s office.
In a written judgement at the Court of Session in Edinburgh, she said the Scottish Prison Service had failed to respect the killer's rights under article eight the European Convention on Human Rights.
The clause guarantees that people have the "right to respect" for their "home and correspondence."

Lupatria Wed 07-Sep-16 11:54:04

i've never knowingly opened any one else's mail. sometimes something is delivered for a neighbour and as it's on my doormat then i assume it's for me and open it!! so an apology is quickly written on the envelope and one of the grandaughters delivers it to the right address!
otherwise i never opened mail addressed to my husband [now ex so i don't deal with that] or my daughter who now lives with me. what's addressed to her goes to her and she doesn't open my mail either.
regarding handbags - my guy will never put even his finger tip in my handbag - it's not the done thing apparently. and i seem to remember my ex husband wouldn't either.
however my ex husband would give me his wallet if i'd asked for money and tell me to help myself.
my guy doesn't use a wallet as he rarely has anything but change available [pays for everything as far as he can with a card] but is willing to dig in his pocket if i ask him ........... wonder why he doesn't ask me to dig in his pocket!?!?!

Lupatria Wed 07-Sep-16 12:11:07

forgot to add that at the moment i'm opening my brother's mail at the moment. he's moved to the usa where he's just got married and where he'll be living.
he's had his mail redirected from where he used to live and i've been asked to open his mail and throw away what's not urgent [seems to be mail shots mostly]. every now and again i have to talk to him via skype to ask him what to do with some item or other and i'll have to post a little package to him very shortly with some important letters.
but that's the only time i'll open anything which isn't addressed to me [apart from letters put through my letterbox by mistake as i said above].

Craftycat Wed 07-Sep-16 12:16:27

DH opens his mail about once a month!! I point out things that look as if they may be urgent & ask him to check. I have never opened anything of his or he mine except when he was working in USA for weeks at a time & then I went for things that may have been bills etc. Never anything personal without asking him first.
He does order a lot of 'stuff' online & sometimes I know they are for me but I still wait until he gets home from work.
It's just courtesy.

Stansgran Wed 07-Sep-16 12:38:05

DH always brings me my handbag even if it's for 20p for parking at the pub. We hand each other the relevant post but anything official he is handed as he's retired so he can do what I always did-Pay the bills.

Lozzamas Wed 07-Sep-16 12:43:32

I don't deliberately open anyone else's mail- my DH prefers that I open his - although I do tend to leave it. My Daughter still has her mail sent here although she has left and asks us to open it for her. I put my Sons in his dinning place and he ignores it - eventually he throws it in the bin unopened. He says anything he needs or wants comes on Email. He
Tells me if it bothers me I can open it - but he'll likely still throw it away.
My DH will go down my bag for things like headache tablets if we've run out, I'm cool with it - no one else in the world has ever dared!! I do not go in his pockets other than to check clear for washing. I'd feel entitled to though if he had something I thought should be checked.grin

Lewlew Wed 07-Sep-16 12:43:35

Actually, since my dad and brother have passed. I don't get any personal post, like greeting cards now. Our one set of US friends send our birthday cards and anniv card all in one A5 to save US postage as the dates are very close, and to disguise the fact that they are greeting cards. It's scary that some never arrive for being pilfered thinking there is cash in them!!! Had that happen a few times in past years.

He opens most all the post as he does the house 'stuff'. I can't be bothered.

Email is different...we have separate accounts and computers. That's private for each of us and we respect that.

DanniRae Wed 07-Sep-16 12:52:10

We open our own mail, and he would never go down my handbag unless he asks first.

We've never discussed it but it's always been that way for 46 years

lizzypopbottle Wed 07-Sep-16 13:02:17

My parents moved house many times and never opened our letters when we were children and friends we'd left behind wrote to us. We were always happy to share our letters but we read them first. As a family, we even avoided reading postcards addressed to another family member! I wouldn't dream of opening anyone else's mail unless expressly asked and even then I'd feel uncomfortable.

Christinefrance there was a strict pecking order when our regular, weekly comics (Bunty and Judy) dropped onto the mat:
1st Mum
2nd older sister
3rd Me
4th (last) baby sister (she's 60 this year!)
We never questioned this birthright! ?

We absolutely never looked into my mother's handbag. Nor did my dad. My handbag is sacrosanct!

pollyperkins Wed 07-Sep-16 13:02:29

Well I'm eating humble pie now! Just read some of this thread to DH and said 'You don't mind me opening some of your letters do you?' He said yes I shouldn't do it. So I said. ' Oh, you've got secrets from me then?' And he replied that he might be planning a surprise present or holiday for me!!
Well, it hasn't happened so far but I'll stop doing it and see!!
Then I said -' but you do open my handbag and take out money! '. He protested that he always asks first and as I'm quite relaxed about it and would hardly notice he may be right!

pollyperkins Wed 07-Sep-16 13:05:05

Ah Lizzie, but years ago we did get personal letters and would never open someone else's. It's very rare now. They are nearly all bills. Apart from birthday cards etc and I wouldn't open those!

miep Wed 07-Sep-16 13:10:34

When I am in hospital (which seems to be increasingly frequent), my best friend/carer opens all my mail with my complete permission. If I'm at home, never; nor would I open hers. I never opened my husband(s) mail either. It just isn't done - andI have a feeling it's also illegal.

BRedhead59 Wed 07-Sep-16 13:12:21

I'm retired so I open everything on arrival and deal with bills etc. My husband reads/checks everything when he gets home including junk mail. I am not allowed to throw anything away until he has looked. + vise versa

lizzypopbottle Wed 07-Sep-16 13:29:58

I think it's my right to privacy that would be violated if mail addressed to me was opened by someone else. Suffragettes marched and died for such recognition!

larraine Wed 07-Sep-16 13:33:07

Would never dream of opening my partners mail, but for any interesting mail, always make sure l am standing looking over his shoulder reading it with him, and l aways let him read all my mail too...although often not interest in doing so, especially those that look like they might contain he always leaves me to deal with them.
If he pockets 'it' with a "l'll read it later, then my curiosity is immediately aroused so you can be sure l will be constantly badgering him, to read it post haste.... dare l say...just like a Woman! haha. smile

Neversaydie Wed 07-Sep-16 13:53:04

Dh deals with all our joint finances but he would never open a letter adressed to me even it was obviously related to an account ,investment etc. I just open them ,scan and hand over to my financial advisor .
Similarly he would never go into my handbag even if I say 'oh its in my bag'He'll always bring it to me
I am the same .
I do open DD 2 post so I know whether to scan and send to her .It seems to be taking her forever to change her adress on things ...

RAF Wed 07-Sep-16 13:58:44

Would not dream of opening DH's mail, or he mine, we often like to surprise each other with birthday outings etc, so would risk ruining surprises! I will however hide his birthday presents and cards from others until the actual day, and he does the same for me.

We have an DiL living with us, and if I open her bank statement by mistake (same bank and surname as me) I feel absolutely dreadful, and scribble profuse apologies on the envelope.

Gaggi3 Wed 07-Sep-16 14:03:04

I met a man, a couple of years ago, whose mother had concealed his written offer of a place at University. He just assumed he hadn't been accepted, and didn't even contact the college to ask why he'd heard nothing. He only found out about this after his mother died. Nowt so queer as folk.

lizzypopbottle Wed 07-Sep-16 14:13:37

Good grief! Gaggi3 That's terrible! It just proves that opening someone else's mail is the thin end of the wedge!

Wobblybits Wed 07-Sep-16 14:13:44

WE don't get precious about who opens the mail, if they are official looking OH deals with that and opens them regardless who they are addressed to. Only around birthdays would we be more selective.

Swanny Wed 07-Sep-16 14:30:36

When we were first married my ex was in the Army and we lived in Germany. All our mail came to his BFPO camp address and he opened it before I ever saw it. I had no problem with that.

When we were later stationed in UK the mail came to our house and I usually opened it first, particularly if he was away. He had no problem with that.

One day I opened a letter addressed to him that was very personal and intimate angry I couldn't believe my eyes but also couldn't believe he would be so stupid as to give someone his real name and home address confused He tried to persuade me a colleague had used his details for a little extra-marital activity ...

Spangles1963 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:17:24

Anya - I have done that a couple of times!blush. Glad I did though. Secret bank account anyone? (My ex-husband,one of the reasons he is my ex).

Nandalot Wed 07-Sep-16 15:20:25

We don't care who opens what, though it Is usually me. I don't know if it is true/still true that legally a wife may open her husband's post not not vice versa. Doesn't seem likely but I heard it somewhere.