Constructive criticism?

Exactly right. Criticise what they've said but don't be personal.

To succeed with constructive criticism is highly unlkely. That would mean that you are of the opinion they are wrong and they should accept your constructive critisism and take another point of view.
I can't see that happening.
Constructive criticism is helping the person to do something better how better to make a cake or finish some woodwork or sewing. Mental constructive criticism is ususlly in the hands of a psycholgist or a counsellor as you have to be very careful how you tread.

Be careful what you wish for Rubylady

On GN you just get another point of view, and a softly softly thread will die off very quickly.

mumof I totally agree with you. If a person asks for help and you don't feel able to give it don't post! There are so many situation on here that I have no experience of so don't contribute unless it is to show sympathy.

Such threads come up every now and again because one of us thinks it is necessary to say so. What's wrong with that? Others (same ones usually) say it is unnecessary. Same old, same old..........................

So agree with merlot! (missed you m. Drafty round here without you)

I think we all agree with momb's post about offering help when help is asked for.

The opening post of this thread is not asking for help, it's asking if the poster is being unreasonable in expecting "no-one in particular" to be nice. The answer from some posters has been, no, you are not being unreasonable and from others yes, you are being unreasonable, not least because no-one knows "what in particular" provoked the question.

"Tearing into other people's points of view" is very good description of robust discussion. There are many instances in life when tearing into a point of view is exactly what needs to be done because the point of view is ridiculous or bad. Think of a really horrible point of view such as, say, torture by a country's police, and you'll understand what I'm saying. The "point of view" that torturing admissions of guilt out of people is allright needs to be torn into good and proper. Doing so is not tearing into a person, it is shredding a point of view.

Gransnet will not cover such extreme "points of view", thank goodness, but I'm using that example to illustrate the point. I will never stop arguing that attacking, tearing into, shredding, pulling to bits (whatever) a point of view or a belief is different from doing any of that to a person. A person and what a person thinks are separate, proved by the fact that people change their minds about even stongly held views.

Time to leave this alone now, I seem to have the understanding of most people, but there are some who still seem to see a discussion as some form of permission to get personal. Like the last few posts are really and I do not wish to involve myself with these posters. Not my type of people in the real world and not on here neither.

I really want you to understand my point Rubylady. This sort of thread makes everyone paranoid because no one knows who it is aimed at. Best really to make your view known on the thread at the time.

Margaret I have reported your comment:-

Be careful what you wish for Rubylady, it sounds threatening and I have no clue to what it is referring.

It wasn't aimed at anyone, just a general feel of how threads tend to be going.

No. I don't understand what that comment meant. Perhaps Margaret would explain?

Yes. I know what you mean rl.

I'm going. I went to the cemetery yesterday to visit my brother who died at 12 hours old. I want to live my life with kindness, too much hatred and ill doing goes on in the world as it is. I have lived with abusive people all my life and I am two days from my abusive son leaving home. I want to be free of the pain it causes me. So I don't want it on here too. Maybe a bit namby pamby for some, but I am up to here with vile people having been in my life. I crave laughter, support, care. If it doesn't change on here, then I will just go and leave.

Have you never come across the phrase "Be careful what yo wish for because it might come true?"

'constructive criticism' wouldn't work on a site like this.

It seems clear from the final paragraph of her post that Margaret is just pointing out that Gransnet without any disagreement or argument would be bland indeed!

Cheer up for Chatham.

I asked him yesterday to move some things I had bought and he threw them around in the living room, shouting as he did so. He has put me down this week in my choice of music, the programmes I watch on tele, I'm too old for anyone to date me. I feel like shit. Total shit. He makes me feel like I should crawl in a hole and stay there. And at times these last few years I have thought about ending it all, but for the dog. It would end the pain. But I'm not going to do anything. Like I said, two days to go. I have no self worth, I am ill and my body is starting to come out in bad sores. I miss my dad. I have no one to talk to who knows me from my past. The abuse started at age 10 and has gone on by different people ever since, apart from my five year relationship with the younger man. That was the only time I have been happy since I was 10 years old. I want to change the locks and not have him come back, I want to heal. I just want kindness.

This could send you right back under the duvet

I am SO sorry. I posted that before I seen your sad post.

Someone to date you is probably the last thing you need right now. You've got to keep trying to be happy. I know it's hard. x

Have you told a doctor all this?

Sorry ruby to realise you are going down again . You have started to sound more positive a few times , getting your car and getting out a bit. You really need this break from your son to see your way more clearly. Good luck with the next few days, you are going to need it.

I wish I lived near you rubylady.

I feel sick, was sick yesterday and am living on toast, soup and mashed potatoes. I will be ok, but there are going to be tears because I haven't been able to even grieve for my dad properly yet. My son expected me to be "over it" by the time of the funeral. Plus, with how ill I have been over the last few years and, particularly months, I have thought I might not make it to him leaving. My head gets this pressure in it, I have worried it could cause a stroke or have a heart attack. I'm going to sleep my way through the next couple of days (although up at 3 this morning). The rest of the time, bite my tongue and get through best I can. I have ordered myself some flowers for Friday, and some good food is on order too so time to start picking myself back up from then on.

jingle my doctor knows I feel like this, I am on anti depressants and he has put the dose up for now but he wouldn't do anything else. It will sort, just time.

Indiana Thank you, that is such a sweet thing to say and just what I needed to hear.

Life has given you a good kicking RL. I hope thing improve soon. Wishing you all the very best.?

Are you still taking him to uni, rubylady? Tell him to buck his ideas up or he'll be taking his stuff on the bus! Ungrateful so and so. I thought perhaps things had improved there, but am that they don't seem to have.

I'm sorry you are feeling down, rl, and hope that you feel very much better soon.

I don't think there are any 'vile' people on Gransnet forums.

No. Definitely not. TBH.