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Everyday sexism

(119 Posts)
Wheniwasyourage Sun 23-Oct-16 16:11:20

Apologies if this has all been discussed before. Recently I have rebuked a rather arrogant young Customer Services man in a station for repeatedly calling me "love" when I asked for information. I pointed out that he didn't know me and that I was a lot older than him. On another recent train trip there was a conductor who called the men "sir" and the women "dear". (In this case, he was a really helpful, cheerful man, and I wouldn't have dreamt of rebuking him, as I'm sure he meant no offence, unlike the young man in the station.) I don't see the need for any such form of address, but if one is needed, surely the equivalent of "sir" is "madam", is it not?

vampirequeen Sun 23-Oct-16 16:21:03

You wouldn't like it around here. Everyone says love. I don't see the problem tbh.

Ana Sun 23-Oct-16 16:22:35

I'd much rather be called 'love' than 'madam'!

Wobblybits Sun 23-Oct-16 16:31:28

If it's friendly, I don't care what they call me, ducks, hen, mate, luv, darling, honey, chuck, son, o'l git. silly bugger etc.

Alima Sun 23-Oct-16 16:49:51

I agree with Ana, hate being called madam, anything is better than that. In fact, why do you have to be called anything at all, at least that would avoid offending anyone.

mrsjones Sun 23-Oct-16 16:50:03

Call me any name you like as long as you call me.

Jane10 Sun 23-Oct-16 16:59:32

At my recent pre op assessment I was asked how I'd like to be addressed. Naturally I told them to call me madam! Can't see that happening though. I was impressed that they had asked. Finally settled on being called Jane10 of course.

petra Sun 23-Oct-16 17:03:26

How many times did some of us have that expression "When I was your age" thrown at us. I find a smile gets you a lot further than a scowl.

kittylester Sun 23-Oct-16 17:08:48

Surely, as the op indicated, it depends on the tone of voice and the attitude? confused

judypark Sun 23-Oct-16 17:10:01

Wheniwasyourage, Don't know what age you are? This is common friendly parlance. Do you really need to be addressed as Madam? If someone addressed me as such, I would assume that they thought me in charge of a French brothel.
Lighten up.

tanith Sun 23-Oct-16 17:15:44

As long as its friendly I don't care at all.

Wheniwasyourage Sun 23-Oct-16 17:17:04

Oh dear, oh dear. What is the point of posting anything if people are going to reply without reading it? I thought I had made it clear that a) the young man was arrogant, therefore, wobblybits, not friendly, whereas the conductor was friendly; and b) that I didn't see the need for any form of address such as "sir or "madam".

petra, there is no need to be unpleasant about my user name, and you might like to know that I had a perfectly friendly chat with one of the arrogant one's colleagues, from whom I got the information I wanted as well as a friendly chat about other matters. I am not given to scowling at people.

I've been lurking a lot on GN recently and have noticed that many posters are being picked on for what they have not, in fact, said, and find it sad that things have degenerated since we all started so cheerfully at the beginning of GN. sad

Wheniwasyourage Sun 23-Oct-16 17:22:45

judypark, your reply appeared after I sent my last one. What does my age (64) have to do with it? Most women seem to be able to tell the difference between a "dear" or "love" which is friendly and totally non-offensive, and one which is delivered with a sneer attached. The incident was in Glasgow, where "love" is not as much common friendly parlance as "hen", which can also be used in acceptable or unacceptable ways. Before you tell me that I should lighten up, perhaps you should read both my posts to see that I do not want to be called "madam". How old are you, may I ask?

tanith, you are quite right.

TriciaF Sun 23-Oct-16 17:29:26

You wouldn't like it here either (rural France). The times I've answered the door to someone (male) and they say 'Is your husband in?'

FarNorth Sun 23-Oct-16 17:31:12

Maybe you could address the arrogant young man as sonny / little lad?

Charleygirl Sun 23-Oct-16 17:32:26

I also do not like to be called "madam" and I hate being called "love" I have said in the past that I am not their love, but only occasionally.

Ana Sun 23-Oct-16 17:37:41

I have noticed that most men seem to positively glow if and when addressed as 'sir'! The train conductor probably knew that most women don't feel the same way about 'madam' so played safe(ish) with 'dear'...

janeainsworth Sun 23-Oct-16 17:44:13

In the USA it's normal for men to be addressed as 'sir'.
Women are called 'ma'am', which I rather like as it has regal connotations and avoids the brothel owner problem grin.
Don't get upset wheniwasyourage.
As jingl used to say, it's only an Internet forum. flowers

Jane10 Sun 23-Oct-16 18:20:23

Puts on best Margaret Rutherford voice -ladies there is a world of difference between madam and Madame! Madame is the perfectly respectable French appellation but may be used by some to denote the keeper of a certain type of free and easy establishment.
I reserve the right to be called madam as appropriate. Or Jane, hen, doll etc at other times.

Ana Sun 23-Oct-16 18:28:30

We used to have a checkout man at our local Netto (before it closed down) who addressed all women as 'my lovely'.

Lovely! thlgrin

BlueBelle Sun 23-Oct-16 18:29:11

I don't have a problem with any of the names mentioned so far not so keen on Madam feels a bit elderly but the one that gets me is other unknown women calling me babes or Hun I never would say anything but it feels a bit like the nail on the black board to my ears

petra Sun 23-Oct-16 18:42:10

My daughter lives in Leigh on sea, Essex, where there are quite a few The only way is Essex lookalikes. Their favourite greeting is Hun or babe. Grrrrr.

Jayh Sun 23-Oct-16 18:50:15

My hairdresser calls me Madame with the emphasis on the second syllable when he is asking me what I want. When we are gossiping he uses my name. I rarely feel insulted by dear or love but in my young day I was miffed the first time a delivery lad called me a wifie.
I like being called ma'am by young American people. I find it respectful whether I deserve to be respected or not.
I would have rebuked the customer services man for being arrogant and not giving me the information I wanted, rather than for calling me love, in the hope that he would get it right next time.

Wobblybits Sun 23-Oct-16 19:10:21

Wheniwasyourage, like wise, whilst I read your post, you should not read more into mine that I said. I made a statement that IF it was friendly I didn't care, I made no mention of my opinion on an unfriendly greeting.
So take your own advice and read the posts. If you want to start an argument, I am not your man, end of this thread for me.

harrigran Sun 23-Oct-16 19:28:01

DH and I get called pet when we go supermarket shopping, I don't mind it happens all the time up north smile