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Everyday sexism

(120 Posts)
Wheniwasyourage Sun 23-Oct-16 16:11:20

Apologies if this has all been discussed before. Recently I have rebuked a rather arrogant young Customer Services man in a station for repeatedly calling me "love" when I asked for information. I pointed out that he didn't know me and that I was a lot older than him. On another recent train trip there was a conductor who called the men "sir" and the women "dear". (In this case, he was a really helpful, cheerful man, and I wouldn't have dreamt of rebuking him, as I'm sure he meant no offence, unlike the young man in the station.) I don't see the need for any such form of address, but if one is needed, surely the equivalent of "sir" is "madam", is it not?

Iam64 Mon 24-Oct-16 08:53:24

In our area "love" is used by almost everyone, towards almost everyone. I was shocked to be called "sweetheart" by a staff member at our local hospital, it made me feel very very old. I decided not to be offended because it was well meant.

I like the way the American's use Sir and Ma'am. It's polite and friendly. I like Madame as used in France. I would like a similar term for women here but it ain't going to happen I don't suppose.

NanaandGrampy Mon 24-Oct-16 09:24:33

Jayh I am with you on the whole " Ma'am" thing. I like it.

I don't mind being called Madam , around here love, hun etc are commonplace and not usually done in a sneering way.

Life's too short for me to fret about this really :-)

LumpySpacedPrincess Mon 24-Oct-16 11:29:20

The intent is the thing. When a man calls you love in a dismissive arrogant way that's not on, if they call everyone love that's not a problem.

It's like catcalling, I've been catcalled hundreds of times in my life "give us a smile," whistled at, the list goes on. That's horrible sexist shite that puts a woman in her place and reminds them that their job is to please men. These men never cat call other males.

It's all about context, op I agree the first instance was sexist the second wasn't.

More people need to challenge sexism, I am sick of it and I want more for my daughter.

Iam64 Mon 24-Oct-16 18:36:43

Yes indeed LumpySpacedPrincess. It's been two steps forward, three steps back for ever it seems. When someone like the Donald can run for President, we're in deep doooda.

GrandmaMoira Mon 24-Oct-16 20:24:43

The only name I dislike is hun or honey which young women use a lot nowadays. I don't know why, but it grates on me and I feel like saying "I'm not your hun".

Faye Tue 25-Oct-16 00:31:47

I don't particularly care what I am called, though I dislike it when people keep using my name in every sentence. I feel like saying "don't say my name." thlangry

Wobblybits Tue 25-Oct-16 06:58:19

I would point out that it is not just women that get called things like darling, love , etc. Happens to me almost every day when shopping etc. so I can assure you this is not a sexist thing, it's just the way many people greet others. For me it is no problem whatsoever, I would rather be called "darling" that "miserable o'l git" or as I was last night "decrepit o'l bugger"

FarNorth Tue 25-Oct-16 07:40:56

By a shop assistant, Wobblybits? grin

Wobblybits Tue 25-Oct-16 08:20:38

Checkout operators. Not the silly o'l bugger, but "love" etc or if up north"pet" etc. Along with a nice smile, I am very happy.

Went into next last week, this rather attractive mature lady gave me a big smile as we went in, cheered me up for the day. A smile does it for me. smile

PRINTMISS Tue 25-Oct-16 08:38:02

Life is too short to be concerned about whether I am called 'love' 'deary 'pet' by people who are not important to me.

f77ms Tue 25-Oct-16 08:42:28

I am very happy to be called love , it is a term of endearment . Would hate to be called Madam , up North we use that term to describe someone difficult or badly behaved ie "SHE IS A RIGHT LITTLE MADAM" . Life is too short to be so pedantic about the unimportant things . I also used to be wolf whistled and loved it ! I didn`t find it sexist , just a bit of fun . Why is everyone so easily offended these days ?

Stansgran Tue 25-Oct-16 09:06:10

Pet or flower up here. I hate "youse guys" which is what the waitress said in Cafe Rouge the other day. That gave me the shudders. Madam and sir would have been much bettergrin

PRINTMISS Tue 25-Oct-16 11:08:16

f77ms yes, I wonder why people are so easily offended these days, we all seem to have become 'precious', whereas once upon a time we could take the rough with the smooth, and enjoy the banter that sometimes went on. Yes, I know, there are some areas where 'sexism' is rampant, many women suffer as a result of this, and we should be aware, but there must surely be a line we can draw and understand between good-natured fun and harassment.

Griselda Tue 25-Oct-16 12:17:54

I love being called madam, maybe it's because I spend a lot of time in France. I'm happy to be called love, but I really don't like dear or you guys.

Maggiemaybe Tue 25-Oct-16 12:59:40

f77ms, I love being wolf whistled even more now! Unfortunately it's usually just by drivers approaching from the rear. DD2 bought me a trendy little suede backpack and this deceives the unwary. Two teenagers went racing past me the other day, one shouting "love your backpack" and the other "love your bum" - I bet they were mortified when they looked back at the front view! grin

Rigby46 Tue 25-Oct-16 15:13:13

Is it that people are more easily offended or that standards as to what is considered offensive have changed - I think that these two are not quite the same thing. And is it better to not say people are offended but rather people find that unacceptable - again not quite the same thing. If I just keep to everyday sexism there have been huge improvements and whilst it still exists, it's much less than it was I think. And fwiw, I wouldn't want any son of mine to think it was acceptable to wolf whistle at a female of any age.

Rigby46 Tue 25-Oct-16 15:18:04

And again fwiw the drawing of a line between good natured fun and harassment is hugely problematic - who decides which side of the line a particular behaviour falls? Generally speaking the law has moved to how something is perceived by the receipient and not the author of the behaviour and that's how it should be I think

Shanma Tue 25-Oct-16 15:49:09

I am up north too, but I loathe being called Love by people in shops, ticket offices etc, and particularly by people who knock at my door trying to sell me things, especially if they happen to be in their twenties ! If I were buying a ticket as the OP was I would prefer to be called madam.

I once had a caller at the door, a Guy in his twenties, i would say.
He opened the conversation by saying " Hello Love", as he went into his blarney I said " Stop right there, I do not buy at the door, and if I did then you blew any chance you had as soon as you said " Hello Love". His face was a picture as I closed the door!

Wobblybits Tue 25-Oct-16 19:44:47

Many have said what they do not like being called, so what would you like to be called, assuming the person does not know your name?

Jalima Tue 25-Oct-16 19:53:59

Call me whatever you like but don't call me 'love'

'Me Luvver', 'Duck', 'Sweetheart', 'Madam', 'Jalima', 'hun' (from a woman, not a man) 'Pet' - anything but 'Love'

It always sounds so demeaning and patronising.

Iam64 Tue 25-Oct-16 20:06:13

Oh dear Jalima, do you live in the north west? It's such a common term here and I don't find it either demeaning or patronising. I don't use it myself mind, not with folks I don't know.

LumpySpacedPrincess Tue 25-Oct-16 22:59:17

I would love to think that there are more women standing up to sexist crap but for everyone who stands up there are another ten who tell them not to make a fuss, it's just banter...

Anya Tue 25-Oct-16 23:39:31

Strong women don't need to fret the little things, like being called 'love' !!

FarNorth Wed 26-Oct-16 01:16:56

Mony a mickle maks a muckle.

BlueBelle Wed 26-Oct-16 06:32:36

Why on earth is this considered sexist ? If I was being called 'her indoors' or told to put my pinny on and get back to the kitchen sink that would be sexist being called pet or love ain't sexist perhaps too casual or familiar for some, but not sexist The people that use these terms probable use them all round to men women and kids

As they say don't sweat the small stuff or maybe that s an irritating saying haha