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To feel like I'm bottom of the list ALL the time?

(65 Posts)
Caramac Sun 04-Dec-16 11:15:48

I'm feeling really fed up as I've had to give up my pre-paid very expensive 10 week gym package due to looking after dgc (I buy extra leave from work to help out) more hours than I used to, poor DH is temporarily laid up and needs lots of help ( e.g. Packed lunches on my work days) and therefore cannot do the errands etc for his elderly father so that now falls to me as he is an only child. I am also trying to keep the house 'visitor ready' as friends are ad hoc popping in to make DH a drink and to chat whilst I'm at work. My health is usually brilliant but I have diabetes which I'm struggling to control and GP has called me in. I think I'm going to be prescribed insulin. I am irritable and grumpy, resentful at times and that's not me. The DGC are delightful mostly, less so when their mothers , my DD's are here. I'm dreading Christmas when everyone is here. My usual wine and music in the kitchen grinis out as I will have to transport FIL (who I don't really like tbh) or his dinner if he declines to come round. I also pay and take all 3 DGC swimming lessons on 2 differ days. I was moaning a bit I suppose when eldest DD (single mum, works) basically said if it's too much don't do it. That wasn't my point and she knows it plus she would not manage without me. I just want 3 - 4 hours a week gym time.

Lyndie Mon 05-Dec-16 15:50:02

Caramac. . What about the Dad of your GC? Can he help or pay for childcare? You need me time.

David1968 Mon 05-Dec-16 16:19:41

Dear Caramac, other grans-netters have offered you some good advice here, so I'll just add this. How about in the New Year, you let everyone know (possibly in writing!) that next Christmas you'll be doing exactly what you want to (just with DH?) - and this might even be a hotel break or a holiday in the sun! And that in 2017 someone else will need to "host" the whole Christmas event - and that maybe, just maybe, (if it suits you), you'll come along as a guest!

joannewton46 Mon 05-Dec-16 17:22:35

It never ceases to amaze me just how much childcare grandparents are EXPECTED to do. You seem to be caring for 3 generations AND holding down a job. Caramac, I salute you!

Can husband not do anything to help? eg preparing veg for dinner slowly and while sitting down?

Can daughter (or HER partner) pay for additional childcare so you have your gym session (why should you have to buy time out of work to care for grandkids?

Can FiL not have a taxi occasionally, or maybe your daughter could collect and return him home?

You definitely deserve some time for you. I appreciate that you want to help the family but if you become ill, they will have to cope. If I'm being charitable I would suggest that your relatives don't appreciate how you feel and would be prepared to do more if they did. Not being charitable I suggest you're being exploited.

thatbags Mon 05-Dec-16 17:26:07

I've been reading this thread and, as well as appreciating all the good advice the OP has been given, I've been thinking that, except where there is actual bullying, one can only be always at the bottom of the pile if one allows it to happen. There is no indication of bullying in the OP as far as I can see. Stop giving in to demands that you'd rather not give in to, caramac.

luluaugust Mon 05-Dec-16 17:27:52

Having re-read your post I think you are saying you work as well as all this care. I know you know you are trying to do far too much no wonder you are so upset and the diabetes is playing up. I guess if you tell the GP everything you are trying to do they will say you have to unload something and its not your gym package. flowers

stillaliveandkicking Mon 05-Dec-16 19:44:17

Id suggest that as nice as you are you stop being a martyr. Tell people what you can and can't do.

Diddy1 Mon 05-Dec-16 19:49:12

Caramac you are a wonderful person, helping everyone, but it is time to cut down on this and think of YOURSELF, you must have your "own time" its really important, so get someone else to sort things, I am sure they will, and have your sessions at the Gym, then things will start to get better,and Have a Happy and Carefree Christmas xx

FarNorth Mon 05-Dec-16 20:12:25

You just want 3-4 hours a week gym time. Santa is not going to arrange it for you.
Speak to your family members and get it sorted out.

Your DD said 'If it's too much don't do it'. 'That wasn't my point' you say. What was your point, then?

Caramac Mon 05-Dec-16 21:41:14

Thank you all for your comments, they have all been very useful. Despite a very busy weekend and a long day at work (finished at 8pm) , I am feeling much better. DH and DS had even managed to cook dinner for us all grin thank goodness as I was starving grin
I do recognise that I am to blame for some of my difficulties but I am hopeful things will improve.
FIL won't change but has said nothing required Christmas Day so that's easier (I must not feel guilty)
When talking with eldest DD my point was I felt sorry that my youngest DD cannot have a set day off so is often paying 3 days childcare fees whilst only utilising 2 days and I pick up an extra (2 days instead of 1) it's complicated but the childminder can't offer floating days. Her partner works long hours in a low paid job with 2 hours traveling each day. Eldest daughter partner is ex thank goodness (DV) and doesn't pay any support .
I have made things as they are I know so in hindsight IWBU
I've loved your comments and some have made me laugh. It's good to share smile

Caramac Fri 23-Dec-16 01:06:55

Just an update - A Christmas Miracle has occurred!
Long story short- I have been prescribed a once weekly injection to improve my blood glucose and which replaces 21 tablets per week.
Literally within hours of injecting I felt so much better. My husband even said he'd missed me and was glad I was back. grin
I know I still need to address some issues but I am really so much better it's amazing.
Happy Christmas everyone ๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„๐ŸŽ„

Anya Fri 23-Dec-16 07:07:04

A once weekly for njection to improve blood sugar?

Anya Fri 23-Dec-16 07:23:04

A new therapeutic option for the treatment of type 2 diabetes is available to be prescribed by healthcare professionals for their patients in the UK.

Trulicity (dulaglutide) is to be taken as a once-weekly injectable solution and is designed to improve glycaemic (blood sugar) control in adults with type 2 diabetes.

I don't have diabetes, but I know those who do. This is a very interesting development Caramac I'm sure other sufferers will be interested in this.

Annierose Fri 23-Dec-16 08:01:20

Caramac, although you are doing a huge amount of stuff, I had wondered if it was the diabetes which was making you feel so bad, so am glad that is on its way to improving!
However, there has been some good advice which i hope you are able to take on.
Of course, any of us can see how your childcare obligations place you, and indeed for parents who do not work set hours, childcare can be very difficult.
I am not sure (haven't read all posts in detail) if anyone has suggested that you talk to the gym. A lot are struggling at the moment - they won't advertise flexibility but will sometimes be helpful if you explain - I have twice asked for and been given flexible & helpful arrangements.My own gym (admittedly in a relatively poor area) does 'carnets' so you get a reduction on individual sessions without paying a membership fee.
I also wonder if there are other, more flexible ways of achieving what you want from your gym membership. For instance (and I do see that it wouldn't suit everyone) I now have a 1-to-1 pilates lesson once every 4-6 weeks (ยฃ40) to keep me on track and in the meantime,do my own pilates at home.

And I completely agree with those who say FiL must be responsible for himself - although it might be helpful if you explained everything that you have to be responsible for, as in my experience, some 'elderly' (!) people get tunnel vision about the rest of the family!

Caramac Fri 23-Dec-16 10:34:13

Yes that's the stuff. My levels aren't yet in normal range but definitely improved. Plus my appetite has decreased so that will help too. I am thrilled grin