To feel sad that my adult children don't really bother with each other much?

I would like to be close to my brother but his wife is the problem. No one in the family liked her but for many, many years I put up with her and defended her with the rest of the family because she was my DB wife. It is noted that when she is around my brother says nothing but get him on his own he chats normally. The final straw came over her DD's wedding when she said my 6 year old grandson could not come which also excluded my daughter. Later she back tracked but instead of apologising she said I was lying and she never said it. My daughter and grandson went to the church wedding and then left and I attended the reception on my own. My SIL's sister was at the church but then took the train home after some offence.

Since then our only contact has been cards at Christmas and birthdays. I would like to see my brother but can't face her. We now live in different countries.

I so wanted us to be the Waltons, big multi generational family, car each, all the kids with careeers and devoted to each other.......it just isn't how it is for us. They do speak via FB or ring each other for advice but we love too far apart for real matyness..(is that a word) and one of them speaks to none of us and we don't know why.

Didn't get on with my brother as a child, don't get on with him now.

We are polar opposites on just about everything you could name.

Thank goodness you can choose your friends, 'cos you can't choose your family!

I know my 3 keep a good eye on one another via Facebook, occasionally speak on the phone, one is far away and the other two meet up here for Sunday lunch every so often. They are all working, growing GC with lots of activities, so no falling out just very well occupied, its sad but I only see my brother every so often.

Mine didn't really get on as children and one has cut off contact from all the family.

My Daughter and Son get on well really, but only meet at family gatherings, my Son I think, resents Daughters financial prosperity, while he has hardly ever any money to spend, but just about copes, ha has has bad luck with health problems and is a single parent, but seems the happiest of the two. They do support each other in times of trouble, and I am very proud of them and love them both equally and help them out when necessary.

Yet another thread which makes me realise how fortunate I am. Our two are very different but have always got on well. Luck of the draw I guess.

My DDs got on well as children despite a 4 year gap and are close again now (elder is 31).The death of my younger brother (my only sibling and we were very close,not geographically but emotionally)lastyear has made them realise how tiny our family is(DH is an only child ,they have no cousins) and how much they need each other .Neither has a partner or children though both have plenty of good friends .
They live 250miles apart and dont see each other that often, but did go on a short walking holiday together last year and are planning another.They are in contact via FB and the like.I am in a whatsapp group with both
I am so glad that are making more 'effort'to be there for each other. DD2 has a very stressful job (NHS) and I know DD1 tries to offer support (She knows DD2 doesnt want worry us with everything!)
I think as our children get older and they realise their parents wont be around for ever they do ,hopefully ,realise that its important to nourish family ties

The old saying that you can choose your friends, but not your relatives is sadly true.

My late brother's children are not close at all (since their younger brother committed suicide ten years ago), although I give them credit for both showing up to their dad's home in Florida to help when he had surgery which he did not survive, then came and went over the next couple of weeks to help my SIL.

They do not particularly like her, so I was very grateful for helping her as much as they did. They gave up their holiday time to do this. So I think some bonds are strong. Even if not close, they had a sense of commitment to the family and put aside their differences for my brother's sake and I admired them for that.

to all with difficult families and the heartache that can result.

Mine get on quite well inspite of being quite different, they both live with their respective girlfriends. One is more inconsiderate than the other and had cancelled meet ups at the last minute and not for particularly good reasons which did cause some friction. Also considerate one and partner have made more effort with entertaining, food and wine etc. with the other two, which they feel hasn't always been reciprocated. However, they have now moved away to buy a house, not too far, so they don't see each other as much as they would like to for get togethers but have had a couple since Christmas and the New Year but I know they are in constant touch on FB. I hope their small niggles stay just that and they never fall out big time.

I think sibling friendships come out in waves. My brother and I are not close, only exchange Christmas and birthday cards and a phone call once or twice a year. We became closer due to elderly parents and now they are gone we have drifted apart again. We are both very different, I am a loner he is life and soul of the party.

My own 3 children in their 40s don't see masses of each other as they lead busy lives. However they help each other out with baby-sitting occasionally. They offer each other a shoulder to cry on and practical help times of trouble. That mental closeness is more important than physical I think.

My two DSs married two best friends and moved away to be with their girlfriends/wives. So they're close, which is great, but we don't see as much of either of them as we'd like. We're just glad they're happy, solvent and have good lives. That's all we ever could ask.

Adult children are so busy working,taking care if kids and keeping up to kids extra curriculur activities that they socialise with kids friends parents that they don't make time for their brothers or sisters until its a wedding or funeral that they meet.Very sad.

This is slightly off-topic but not all that much. My SIL never liked me nor my mum, and for years she applied that 'divide and rule' approach. But eventually (three decades later) my children and hers became huge friends, as adults. I think we need to take the (very) long view, there's no way of knowing what friendships will spring up among the next generation...just wish my late mum could have seen this...

They run their own lives, and have their friends to socialise with. Family is just there - always around when they do want to contact them, but not in their hair all the time. All you can do is keep them updated on any news of each other that you hear, and invite them to a meal at yours together from time to time so that they don't lose touch altogether.

And don't criticise them to one another - those comments will still will echoing after you have gone, when they could be forging links that don't include you any more (except, you hope, for fond memories)

will still be - should have proofread.

I last saw my eldest sister 33 years ago my middle sister and brother 10 years ago don't miss them and I don't think I would even recognise my eldest sister if passed her in the street, such is life!

How strange, - exactly the same situation, Happygran. I get on well with all of them, but separately.
I was planning a big party for my 80th later this year, but it's causing problems so I have cancelled it and will have 2 smaller parties instead.

My children are estranged from each other due to a particularly nasty divorce when they were young. Neither contacts each other and I myself am estranged from one of them. It doesn't bother me because I allow my children to live the life they want without interference from me.

As a sibling myself, I have very little contact with my brother, and my sister's contact is lessening as the years go by. Again, I'm not bothered as I find family contact wearing - sister is argumentative so I avoid and enjoy my own life. They all know where I am if they need me.

My two live over 300 miles from each other, both with busy lives and young families, so get togethers are rare. They talk or text occasionally but I think that being one male, one female means they will never be as close as same sex siblings. I know they love each other and I pass information between the two. I think they have a fairly normal relationship in this day and age and I only see either of them every 2-3 months as I live 1.5 hours from one and 3 hours from the other. I do not fret about this as I too have a lovely busy life. We're all happy thank goodness and we all know we are there for each other if needed.

A good friend once bought me a sign: "Friends are the family you choose for yourself".

My own sons have not got on well since they were teenagers, they are chalk and cheese and really have no connection. I personally do not get on with my sister, not sharing her values based on money and material wealth. I don't think that she has ever helped anyone or given anybody anything unless it was to her own advantage.

Perhaps it simply isn't reasonable to expect two people to automatically be friends just because they are relatives, though I know that in an ideal world they would be close.

And I should add Bluegayn58 that my sister is very argumentative too, she feels that she must go on and on until everybody else shares her views. Sometimes I've simply said that we should agree to disagree and she's been unable to accept this.

Yes I agree with you OP. My sons were so close growing up even though there was 6years between them - the oldest always very protective of the younger one. No at ages 50 and 44 they live in different countries (but European- so no long haul) but I don't think they even phone each other -maybe a text on their birthday. They send cards and presents to each other's children on their birthday and at christmas so I suppose that's something. I know they are fond of each other but I put it down to them being male and less likely to phone for a chat.

We see a lot of the eldest and dil and GD and try and get to see younger one and his family every couple of months. It annoys me that they don't come here - think it's been 2 years since they were here.

I don't fret about these things, just a bit sad like OP said.

Families are such complex organisms as all the comments above illustrate. Often, it is not the geographical distance that may cause splits and lack of contact, but the personalities of spouses. This was the case for my OH, his sister and her husband. Now that we are older, BiL has mellowed and relationships have improved.

I have a sister who is 10 years older than me and we have had a totally different life on each side of the Atlantic. I am closer to her children than to her because I have more in common with them and they with me but I know my sister and I have a strong bond and, when needed, this bond manifests itself wholeheartedly.

Our 4 children, only two of whom live in the same country, are in good contact through WhatsApp, FB, and through us. Our GC love their cousins and can't wait for our annual meetups. They are all different but know and feel their connection. We do our utmost to teach them about their shared heritage. We hope this will continue as they grow. We have a huge attic room, devoted to visiting GC and have walls with the names of each GC painted on, one side for girls, the other for boys( so far there are 5). We also have a decal world map on one wall with indications on it where each family lives. The older ones love seeing this when they visit.
Because of this, my OH & I have not been able to downsize because we need our big house for them all to come back to at special times such as holidays, weddings, births, christenings, special birthdays.

I think of it as parallel lives with magnets connecting them. Sometimes we are the magnets. Hopefully, when we are gone, their connections will continue regardless of geographical distance.

As I said, families are so complex and we can only do our best.

My two children...son age 29. Daughter age25.....both live in London ....daughter is one to initiate contact ...but I know they both meet up for drinks..daughter loves this as son usually pays!!! I once wrote them a letter saying that I would love if they would always be there for each other as they got older ......their dad..my husband died when they were only 8 and 4. So i feel very strongly that they must stay in contact as it was such a terrible thing we all went through when husband died....
One of my girlfriends thought it was odd that they met up on their own without their own boyfriend or girlfriend being there too ......I said I thought it was absolutely great they caught up on their own...son has such a mad sense of humour and daughter says she loves it when she's with him so I'm happy too .
Son gets married this year and daughter has been asked to be one of the bridesmaids by son and his lovely fiancée ...so things are going along happily for all concerned .

Iv got 2 brothers. And never see either of them which is a shame ...one I don't know where he lives. And the other only contacts me if I contact him .

We r all different but I take great satisfaction knowing my 2get on and see each other .