AIBU to not feel any gratitude?

You have my total sympathy and understanding.You are not bring unreasonable as it is the manner in which these things are done that counts.
I had a difficult relationship with my mother but tried to keep things easy. It was very difficult at times.
She would arrive unannounced to stay for several days and before her coat was off would walk round feeling the compost in my houseplants always declaring " these plants are as dry as sticks" and proceed to carry them into the kitchen to be watered. That is the absolute truth.
She would critisise and find fault with as much as she could.
It was a huge relief when she could no longer use public transport and had to be fetched to visit.
I can see you reaching for your keyboard to ask why I put up with this but until you have lived with it, it is hard to understand. I was an only child and my father died when I was eleven. I was told on a daily basis how much my mother had done for me, what sacrifices she had made.
I was all she had and she would have walked out and did once, when I told her a few home truths and I had to to the apologizing and making things right again as my conscience would not let me do anything else. Things are never black and white in relationships.

I wish my mother had been like this! I always felt envious of friends whose mothers would start pottering around tidying when they visited

You are so lucky to still have your Mum around. I would give anything to have mine with me once more and wouldn't mind what she did. She was probably trying to save you a job and didn't like the idea of just sitting around while you were busy.

I so miss hearing my Mum saying - have you brushed you hair this morning, have you lost weight again, you need to start wearing vests, all said with love, I miss her so much,

Restless people really do need a task or something to tidy up, they mean no harm.

Well as it is your home it is up to you how you keep it. However I think you are over-reacting your Mother was probably bored and needed something to do that is all. I never got any help with anything so I would have welcomed my Mother dropping in to help out. We lived in Belgium and she was in UK so no chance of that!

Well it is your home, your garden and your Mum. If it was my home and my Mum (sadly long deceased) next time she visits I would leave the lawnmower and edging shears out on the path in case she was feeling energetic!

Mums can't do right for doing wrong............next time she coes ask her to do a job you want done.

I think mums just absent mindedly get on with things, she wold bev ery wecome here.

You are baking what is she going to do? I think she is just making herself useful. Joining in, feeling part of the team.
Sweeping is much better than moving ornaments - that would be a no no.

My mum visited when my daughter was newborn, 'I'll do a bit of ironing' she said, 'Thanks, there's some next to the ironing board' i replied, and she proceeded to re-iron the pile I'd done (which hadn't yet been put away, obviously), while leaving the unironed pile alone!

When going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, sometimes I'll start whimsically washing the cupboard door, and forget about the tea. I think your mum whimsically started sweeping the leaves.

When the children were small our bathroom was downstairs and I used to keep the dirty linen basket in the cupboard under the stairs because that made sense to me. MIL came round one day to wait for a delivery for us and when I got home she told me off for the state of my "clean" washing which she had kindly stood and ironed while she waited. I still don't know how anyone could have ironed a basket of mainly grubby children's clothes without realising!

I agree trisher that we are emotionally tied into our mothers and our upbringing which inevitably colours our adult relationship. It's not then really surprising that we can feel uncomfortable as adults with seemingly trivial actions. Now MILs evoke a whole different minefield of emotions.......

I would be delighted if any of my family got the broom out & started sweeping the paths!

My mum used to do the little jobs I had missed. One of her favourites was to clean out the kitchen sink plug hole and leave it gleaming and shiny. "Thanks mum, that looks great".

I don't see this unsolicited help as a reflection of your home making skills. Simply someone seeing a pile of leaves and thinking I'll grab the broom and tidy the patio. I do it all the time at my son's ...... But who knows perhaps my DIL finds it annoying! So instead I shall park myself in a chair and do nothing!

You say you know you're being 'very petty' ........ I agree. She's trying to make herself useful and lighten your load. Unless you prefer a scruffy garden .......

Reading between the lines it is clear since you use the word'judgement' in two posts that the work needed doing and your mother made you feel guilty.

Don't be hijacked by emotions and resentments which linger from childhood. Your mother loves you and wants to help. Next time she comes give her a job you actually want done. You could give her the ironing and chat while she does it.

Oh dear, I do feel sorry for you. In a way, I can empathise but it's not my mum who sweeps in and does things unasked, it's DD! She is a tidiness & cleanliness freak & her own house is like a show home. Alas, mine isn't, it's loved & loved in, but always, within 5 minutes of arriving, she'll have a cloth in her hand & be wiping the kitchen tops down or mopping the floor. It makes me feel like a slut but I've managed to get over it & just let her get in with it. I don't feel she means anything by It, just wants to be helpful & needs to be doing something. I'm sure this is what your mum thinks - I've realised as I get older that you can overthink things & get offended when there's no need to, so I'm learning to chill more & stop looking too deeply into people's motives.

My MIL always did housework when she came to stay; irritating because we'd always done an extra clean before her visit. My DH mentioned it to my FIL who said "Don't be offended. If I sat still for too long she'd dust me. She enjoys cleaning. (We arrived home from work the next day to find him painting our laundry room!)?

Rather than let your understandable frustration grow until it explodes into a row with your mum, why don't you take control and plan a task for her for her next visit? You're not going to stop her so be the one in charge!

I fully understand your frustration, my DM is 88 & I recently went to stay with her for 2 weeks (she lives 300 miles away from me). She frequently made remarks which made me feel she was treating me like a child, I'm 61.

The worst was when I was driving (she has had to give up her licence), I've been driving since I was 17, clean licence, but she would act a little bit like Hyacinth Bucket, think it is related to her having been a driver rather than a comment on my driving skills, at least I hope so.

It used to annoy me if when she came to stay if she did things without saying, do you mind? or where is the brush so I can sweep the path?

I think the annoyance is some-one doing a task (which probably does need doing but might not be high on your list of priorities) without asking. I would not dream of going into my DD's home & starting tidying up etc (she has a messy but comfortable home but mine's not a palace), I go to visit DD & DGS.

I wouldn't say anything to Mum as we both realise that we are independent, both widowed & used to pleasing ourselves

Go straight round to your Ma's place at the earliest opportunity and do exactly the same thing!

See how SHE likes it......

My lovely mum used to do that, only found out after she had died she just wanted to be useful and to please me. I wish I had appreciated this small effort more.

As most have said so far, I would feel exactly the same as you, but if I was your Mum I'd have done the same as her.

Perhaps she should have asked you first if there was anything I could do to help, instead of finding something herself. She obviously wanted to do something but be out from under your feet while she did it.

Years ago when my mum used to babysit, she would do all my ironing. I was so grateful as i hated ironing but she loved it. I would never be offended if my mum helped out in my house. Sadly she's long gone.

grammaH I do feel for you! My DD is a real clean freak and is diagnosed as suffering OCD. I haven't set foot in her house for a year or more, nor has anyone else, for fear of contamination. When she visits me - almost daily - she sprays everything with antibacterial spray and vacuums my already spotless house. She really does make me feel very grubby, but I don't stop her because she would be distressed. Relationships really aren't easy, are they?

We are all control freaks to some extent ("we" being us housewives, whatever we call ourselves)

When the children came along, they taught me that there are other ways of doing things, and I learned to grit my teeth together and accept that, if the result was vaguely to my specifications, I had to let them do things their way.

Or here's an example of my mother's way vs my way. My mother took over the kitchen after lunch one day when she was visiting. She had it straight in no time (would have taken me at least an hour). I noticed that her way of dealing with a full rubbish bin was to push everything down and compress it, whereas I would have taken the bin out and emptied it. Her solution was far more economical.

Similarly, my DS often taught me other ways to do things, too, which made more sense.

You've made me worry a bit as I do jobs for my daughter sometimes when we are babysitting but only in the kitchen or the children's bedrooms.
I don't think it bothers her although I may be a bit more careful in future. Last time we were there she asked me to help her to clean out the kitchen cupboards.