AIBU to not feel any gratitude?

It can be so boring to be in someone else's home while they are working on a task. I detest it and am much happier to be involved and helpful.

Perhaps it helps your mum to feel included as opposed to being a 'visitor'.

Maybe mention it to mum - in a light hearted way, and come to a happy agreement that suits both of you.

Communication can make a big difference.

I'm just having a whinge.....mum's doing things that I find irritating at times....it's not a constant thing and maybe it could simply be that yesterday I just felt she overstepped the mark. I'm never going to say anything to her (she's way too sensitive for that kind of thing) so I guess I've got to find a way of managing it in my own head.
I can understand that others may think I'm being over sensitive & I should be more grateful. I am always grateful for any help.... but when I've asked for it!!

Your mum was just trying to help, I think it was a good thing for her to do. If you had said 'hey that looks so much better' you would have made your mum very happy. I would be saying 'mum, come over I would love to see you and I need my path swept'

On the other hand I would never do anything for my daughters without asking first, too risky, they might react like you did.

When I babysit I often do the ironing if it's out there to do or put the bin out if I remember and she hasn't or if she's rushed out and there's washing up to do I do it I wouldn't be ringing her up and saying do you want me to .....and that's for either daughter I wouldn't for my daughter in law as there is never a crumb out of place And I wouldn't if I d been invited round for a meal or a coffee

I understand what you mean, OP. She probably just wants to help and instead of just twiddling her thumbs while you were baking she wanted to do something BUT I can see how it can come across as interfering.
I think I'd try to let it go though, save your ire for something that is bigger, iyswim.

It would irritate me. If you get on well surely she could have asked if you wanted it done. My mother went to my house once while I was at work and cleaned all the windows, I wasn't happy. If she had rung and offered it would have been ok but just to go ahead in someone else's home is not a good thing in my opinion

My mil lived in a flat but always really missed her garden, so I loved her to enjoy my garden, pottering around, dead heading and doing little things which gave her so much pleasure, especially as I let her think she was really helping me! I always remember one occasion, when she had been sweeping the pathways, and was very pleased to tell my hall carpet had "come up lovely" after she had brushed it all over with the garden broom!

Just be ggrateful! Probably makes her feel useful

Take control. Next time she comes ask her to Hoover or sweep the path while you make a pot of tea or bake a cake. I had to babysit a sick DGD for a week while the parents were away . It was a spur of the moment request and I didn't have time to pack anything for my idle hands. They had no tv and only very pop music or very highbrow on an incredibly complicated music system. While sick GC was sleeping I dusted and put into alphabetical order their bookcase. Don't really care whether they were cross or not as I was going out of my skull with boredom. They had a cleaner and she was my only contact in the human race other than the baby. If your mum was bored be kind . Some of us can't sit still and when visiting our daughters expect them to speak to us not disappear off to bake.

The fact that it was your mum I'd just put down to, she's being a mum, she see's something that needs doing and just did it without thinking. She happen thought she was helping, I'd say go for it mum. I'd be more put out if it was my MIL but in saying that they still have that urge to mother and help, it's just taken the wrong way, it's the bad MILs who spoil it for the good one's who have good intentions.

Awwww how sweet - reminds me of my own mother many years ago when she would visit and for some reason would target my oven? I remember at first as a newly married woman (many many years ago) I took offence thinking was my mother saying I was a hopeless housewife ? But after time I let her do what she wanted - and it made her feel still wanted and useful - which I will add was very useful!!!?

I'm with seacliff, don't feel offended. She's trying to do her bit. My mum never did anything - if we all had a cup of tea she would take her cup through and wash it and leave the rest! Life is too short - my mum has gone and I'd love to see her washing just her own cup again.

Seems you know what the underlying problem really is, icybean: your mum is restless. It's not about you. Maybe that's why it irks you so much (not said unkindly just a thought thrown into the ring).

Oh poor sluttygran! At least my DD stops short of the antibacterial spray but, unlike your immaculate house, there's definitely room for improvement here! I'd just prefer it if she shut her eyes to it & stopped referring to "your stuff"! What stuff? I see no stuff...but I love her, she is as she is so I let her get on with it!

icbn Maybe as you were doing something nice for your DM (baking) she thought she would do something nice for you ! one day you will look at that very garden and wish with all your heart your DM was still here to sweep the path.

You are kind enough to make a cake for them! She is kind enough to try and help with a possibly less pleasant job! What on earth is the problem?"She's your mum ...thank her for the help, or tell her you like it messy! Enjoy their visits, don't waste time on stressing about something unimportant. I wish my mum was here to cake a cake for.....!!!!

I look after my granddaughter 3 days a week, my daughter works 4, and if my granddaughter is asleep or playing with her toys , I do I few jobs around there home. I always think i'm just helping out, and helping her work load when she is home with her daughter. sometimes I do wonder if I am stepping on anyones toes. if it was me, I would jump at the chance of help.

I think your Mum was just trying to be helpful, and maybe was a bit bored while you were baking. I would have been delighted if somebody helped me out in the garden.

Years ago my Dad used to bring my children home from school to our house. He had an hour or so to wait until my Mum finished work and needed collecting, so he would sweep the kitchen floor, wipe down the surfaces, even peel potatoes for dinner. I so missed this when they became too old to need collecting from school and I came home to all these jobs. Enjoy the help you are getting OP, it won't always be there and is done with love I'm sure.

My motto is to always assume good faith and I avoid a lot of unnecessary grief. So the garden was in dire need of tidying and your mum was up to the task. As a busy mum yourself, you probably have a lot on your plate and some parts of the house are going to be more of a priority than others. Assume that your mum was trying to be helpful, not 'judgmental' and then go outside, offer her a cup of tea and enjoy your garden.

I have to babysit often and get bored, will take this thread to heart, my daughters may well be pleased with less sweeping, or they may wonder if I have taken leave to my sense.

I used to love my mum coming to stay when my children were young it was heaven by the time she went cupboards all clean and tidy ironing up to date ,pile of mending done and my twin girls and son were all little angels when she was around.When my DD retired he took over running the house to 'help' her so she loved coming to me to feel 'useful' win win all round.My sister in law didn't like her helping though saw it as interfering!! Do occasionally take my daughters dogs out when she works and I do her housework she loves coming hone to a tidy home .rings me and says the fairies have been in again mum it looks lovely , which is her thank you.just enjoy any help you get

I just wish I had my mum/mum in law still around! Your Mum most likely, only trying to help.

'was'

I don't think it's a matter of opinion on the state of your home, criticism or anything similar. I suspect she likes to be doing things and sitting still while you are baking is boring.