Problems which are not problems

I agree that we should all continue to post , whether that be light and fluffy, serious and thought provoking, asking for help or support or info. I also agree we can't be expected to know everyone's back story , partly because there are too many of us and partly because not everyone posts about that part of their life.

Where I think we could be more thoughtful is to not rush in - to take a moment to think about what could be motivating a post such as anns . To maybe ask the question ? To sometimes ( and I'm not talking about this thread) be a little kinder.

Before I'm accused of only wanting posts of flowers and hugs - that's not what I mean. I just think anonymity, lack of tone or facial cues , being virtual not face-to-face can make it easy to give an off the cuff , harsh response without looking a little deeper.

Just my opinion of course

We don't have to analyse everything and sometimes it's good to frivol (new verb) sometimes to be sad and other time to be deep and meaningful. That's what makes GN interesting isn't it ?

Good post G&N and Christine

Sorry if I come over as 'preachy ' , but the other side of the coin is if we sympathise with others, and try to help, however minor we think the problem is, we're developing the compassionate side of our nature. If we don't use it we lose it.
eg Portia's speech in The Merchant of Venice. "The quality of mercy is not strained ......It is twice blessed - it blesses him that blesses and him that takes."
Not that I try to help all who come on here with problems

I like that new verb Christine

I frivol
you frivol
we frivol (even better!)

?Here we come a-frivolling
In the merry month of May
No more shall we be snivelling
Or endlessly a-drivelling
For GN's here to stay

Here we come a-frivolling
In the merry month of June
Politicians are a-drivelling
The Tories even a-snivelling
But we'll just dance by the light of the moon ?

My Gorgeous Aunt Ann, I am so sorry that you are feeling a bit low love, you definately cheer me up, on here, on the phone and when you come to see me. I am looking forward to your next visit to the hospital, you really have become a very special person in my life, so please remember that when you are feeling a bit down.

You are a beautiful lady, generous of heart and spirit, who runs rings round young people. My son used to (and probably still is) plays his computer games all the time, time wasted in my eyes. You do not do this, waste time, not sit and play computer games, I don't think so, anyway, . So, don't think about time running out, you make the most of your days, unlike some people. Enjoy every moment and we will look forward to when we can go out for a lovely meal together, instead of hospital food. I will take you for a slap up greasy spoon, lol, a lovely meal when I am better. Lots of love, from your knackered out Neice!

What a lovely post ruby!

But sometimes is good to hear how people cope with unbearable circumstances. I have had such help,
And posted funny pics of The Boys ( cats )
some replies spot on. Some unkind

Love it MawBroon

I hope your having a better day annsixty I can truly understand where your coming from. The awful situation that is unfolding in my own family can often completely overtake me. It takes my breath away leaving me in a state of absolute terror. I often post about it. (I probably shouldn't) these episode often come in waves and without warning it's at those times when all other problems both mine and others seem irrelevant. Once the wave of emotions have subsided (they can last minutes or days) I return to a normal way of thinking and feeling and everyday life once again returns and with it comes the realisation that the world is still turning. Everyday difficulties and frustrations are still occurring. While I'm in that state of despair and terror they appear frivolous and insignificant but of course there not. So it's perfectly understandable that you feel as you do. The problem is if other people have no knowledge of what's happening in your life then they can appear uncaring. If they knew many would be supportive and kind. What's upset me the most during our crisis is that people that I've known, loved and often supported have completely abandoned us and that adds to the pain. Oops sorry annsixty I've let my emotions run away with me. What I'm saying it's perfectly normal to have times when you feel as you do when you posted.

Sometimes a friend or friends 'abandon' someone because they just can't take any more and because nothing they do or say seems to help, not even oft expressed sympathy and much kind listening. At this point the person in distress, without meaning to, is dragging down their friends. Some people can take a lot of that and some people can't without becoming ill or depressed themselves.

That's when people drift away. It's not that they don't want to help but that they can't.

Well that's us told then.
" Not a sympathetic person " up thread and now droning on and bringing people down.
I might as well shut up now.

On checking back that was empathetic.

Sigh. I said it wasn't a criticism, ann. It wasn't. Empathy is over-rated.

Empathy is over-rated.
I am not sure that empathy is something that can be learned or cultivated; it is innate.
That's just my opinion.

it's not that they don't want to help but they can't
There's a fallacy here which may have a lot to do with some so-called friends drifting away, and that is the idea of helping
GN is full of it, we are asked for advice and we give it, sometimes based on experience, often not, and may offer advice or solution even if none is sought. We are kind people by nature and genuinely want to help. How often after a bereavement do we ask "If there is anything I can do...don't hesitate" or similar words. Money collections such as after tragic occurrences like the Manchester bomb are another example.
It is a human instinct to want to "fix things" , make them better in whatever way we feel we can.
But too often there is no "fix We can't change the situation so, feeling helpless we shake our heads and walk away.
Just BE there, BE a listening ear (even if it is for the eleventy billionth time) BE sympathetic, BE patient.
And if a friend's misfortunes make you sad, be grateful that your life is as yet on an even keel!

I'm not droning on either. Just explaining something that can happen. it happened to me and I felt really huilty about it until I heard from a string of other people to whom the same thing had happened because of the same person. Many of these others I had always thought much better listeners and sympathisers than I. Seems they weren't.

It happens.

And that 'droning' post wasn't about you, ann. It was a general remark. I'm discussing a general issue. I'm not discussing your problems at all. <thinks: maybe that's the problem> ?

guilty

I am sure that will be classed as uncalled for.
I am sitting waiting for a visit from an engineer / surveyor to tell me if my house falling down? Am I insured if it is.
Initial talks with the insurers tell me , probably not.
Well at least the house won't have any value to go towards my H's care home fees.

Yes, BEing there is great. But what if even that gets too much? What if one's own distress level rises to an unmanageable point because of being there for someone else?

I'm not getting the impression that people, so far, really understand what I'm saying.

stuck for words annsixty
sorry, that's no help

Surely the insurers won't be able to wriggle out of paying - but they may try to.
They'll tell you anything to fob you off.

Would you like a list of my problems, ann? You and others might get where I'm coming from then.

Not that I'm going to tell you.

Perhaps one's friends' misfortunes wouldn't make one 'sad' if one's own life was on an even keel, maw. Have you considered that? You know, being full of sympathy and being strong for someone else, when your own keel is damaged?

I enjoy all the posts (I manage to read) on here whether they're frivolous or serious and would be very sorry to see anyone leave GN who feels they're not a valued member. I know a lot of people have real problems going on in their lives now and feel dreadfully sorry that I don't have the adequate words to convey how sad I feel for them. We have been through some dreadful times in our own lives and I wish I'd had a place like GN back then to go to for advise or support or just simply to read something to take my mind off whatever the issue that day was. to all those with troubles today and every day.