Wedding

What's done is done. Take some time to get over the hurt you feel, but then let it go.

Everyone has their own lives to live, so don't feel disappointed or resentful that you helped her in the past. It's because of your help she is now in a good place - so feel pleased you have contributed to someone else's happiness. xx

I hope you feel calmer about this now, Sleepyamber. You weren't excluded from the wedding, as you put it - your sister in law and new husband just had the quiet wedding they wanted, and you should be happy for them. Too many people are pressurised into having the wedding day they feel other people want, instead of doing what is best for them.

Our children have run the gamut, from a huge castle do, a private house ceremony followed by a big party in a barn, a stylish town hall wedding and meal for 16, and a registry office ceremony for just the happy couple and one friend each as witnesses. We were genuinely happy for each of them, we gave them the same wedding fund to spend on the day or their house or whatever they chose, and their weddings reflected their personalities and made them happy.

Don't whatever you do let your resentment spoil their happiness or your own. Life's far too short for that.

Wow not getting an invitation to a marriage.... and you dump the relationship? They got married they did not have a wedding. No expenses for anyone and a legalistation of their relationship..their right not yours!

Weeme56
I have never heard of the term Indian giver so I fooled it. I found it very offensive. What a nasty person you are.

Meant to say googled it

Wow weeme what a charmer you are.

It's also a racist term so I'm reporting your post

It's a very old fashioned term that has unsurprisingly dropped out of common use. I'm sure the poster meant no harm and should have found a more apposite word of phrase.

I too suspect it wasn't meant to be racist. We used to have an assistant headteacher who was always coming out with phrases like that. She was oblivious to the fact that they were racist comments as they were phrases from her childhood. I bet the poster is mortified.

I am just about to do the same with my partner. We don't want any fuss or expense to us or friends and family. Please don't take it personally.

Sleepyamber, I am daily struck by the insensitivity and casual cruelty of some (not all) people when I read posts on Gransnet and I think your husband's sister has been, at best, massively thoughtless, especially as you had both been suportive when she needed help. However, she seems to have had a small wedding where others, too, were missed off the list. This being the case I should not take the slight too personally.

Have a think about whether you want to keep the relationship or ditch it and proceed accordingly. If you want to stay friends with your SIL you'll have to, in the awful phrase, 'suck it up' as it sounds as if she is one of those unempathetic people who will blame you when she realsies she is in the wrong.

Jane and Mary excusing the use of racist and offensive terms by calling them 'old fashioned' or saying that the poster meant no harm or didn't mean it just won't wash in the 21st century. It's actually irrelevant what the poster meant to be ( and unless you know them, how on earth can you make that judgement) . It's how others perceive the words used. How on earth could it work if judging whether certain language was racist/sexist/ disabilist or was intended to be was left up to the person using it - that is so clearly a nonsense. I hope GN delete the post but even if they don't it doesn't mean it's ok to use such a pejorative and offensive term. People should always be called out on such usage in the hope that they and others may learn something.

I am not excusing the comment and I am certainly not racist. At no point did I say that comment was acceptable. It is not. However, I was hoping that perhaps the poster would read the comments and apologise. I do not know the poster and neither do you, so at least give them a chance to apologise if they did not realise what it meant.

I'm pleased to say I don't even know what the term means!

I said the term was racist and it is. I don't care at all whether she knew it or not, her use of it had to be challenged. End of.

Rigby you seek and find arguments where there are none. End of.

Well, you have challenged it so your anti-racist credentials are clear. It sounds like a little-lnown US expression, so it is not likely that anyone here is going to pick it up and run around looking for times and places to use it. I have never seen a post from that username before, and probably never will again, so I suspect you are wasting your breath demanding an apology from thin air.

If I were you, I'd let it be now and get back to discussing the original question.

My opinion is that by taking offence at this the OP and her husband will be cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Yrs, it would have been nice to know that your SiL was getting married, you could have sent her your best wishes and perhaps a gift - but when and where she marries is entirely her own business. If she or her new husband have been married before, they will have one all the big do stuff once and may not have fancied all the hoo-ha a second time round. In any case, not everyone wants to have a big wedding party. They may feel that they just want to be on their own and make their vows.

Then think of who else they would have had to ask if they asked you - more family, friends of each of them, partners and children of those friends and family, it soon adds up to large numbers and a large bill.

If you want to celebrate with them, invite them out for a nice meal in a few weeks time, just the four of you, and wish them joy. And keep quiet about not being invited, reproaches are not a good way to celebrate.

Elegran where on earth did I demand an apology ? Sometimes posters are so keen to have a go at me that they invent things that I never said just so they can.. Really really really silly......

True, Rigby you didn't demand an apology. You did go on a bit after your first condemnation and your post that you were reporting it though.

So? Since when was it your role to make up what I said because you thought I went on a bit? Rhetorical question so don't waste your time answering. This thread has run its course anyway - hop you are feelin a bit less hurt OP and test you all have a nice celebration together soon

No need for any more comments about the wedding then? Another thread goes off-piste into arguments about the wording of posts, leading to verbal fisticuffs and bad temper and ending in summary dismissal as having run its course.

The internet has a lot to answer for. So much opportunity for confrontation.

I am sure I am not alone in never having heard the expression before.
Native Americans (right term?) suffered more than enough without this characteristic, if such it be, being preserved for posterity.
I hope we will never more hear of anybody welshing on an agreement, a deserted location being likened to Aberdeen on a flag day , Dutch courage anybody getting off Scot free, or indeed Spanish practices
What to do with offenders though?
We can't send them to Coventry.

Yes, you did a good job didn't you*Elegran*? Why don't you start a thread about it? Your pot calling pan attitude is breathtaking in its arrogance. Well am I allowed to leave the thread pretty please? Others can carry on obvs

MB just before I go - I would argue ( well I would wouldn't I) that your examples are not racist but the original example is