Wedding

My sister did almost the same thing, it was second marriage for her and they just wanted to be married no fuss.They didn't invite anyone,dress up, have a celebration or even take photos.They just wanted to marry quietly so they did.Like you we'd all been supportive of her in times of trouble etc but it was what they wanted so we were happy for them. Good for them I say, it's not about the day itself but the happy years that follow.

My SIL got married in Spain with only a couple of friends present. We weren't invited but it was their choice. We were just happy for them. I can understand why you are hurt but please try and wish them well x

We did the same too, I was a driving instructor and took my pupil along after her lesson to be a witness !
We didn't tell anyone for a couple of months, not even the children.........didn't want any fuss.
If our families were upset they didn't show it, now I'm wondering if anyone was

I like your idea Radicalnan........a small simple celebration laid on by you , your gift to them as well. This has happened twice within our extended family ...both to Gretna Green with close friends as witnesses. Both second weddings. Sometimes it's the expense as well as who to invite without upsetting someone else. I can imagine you are upset as you obviously feel close to her but try and view it from different perspectives. Some people like the surprise element of marrying like this. Whatever their reasons once you have got over this initial shock/hurt be happy for them.

I think my daughter will do this at some point due to family logistics and her hating fuss I would be sorry to not see her married but she as my blessing to do what she wants and as low ng as she is happy I am .

I agree - vent your hurt on hee but not to tgem. Try to put a brave face on, congratualte them and offer to put on a small celebration wven if its just inviting them for a meal. Maybe a small wedding present? You dont want to spol your relationship!

Sleepyamber. Your SIL had a reason for doing it 'their way' and it was their choice.I understand your hurt I would feel the same.
I can't however understand SIL purpose in sending a photo of the event?.What did she hope to achieve?
Next step.Send a card of congratulations, sit back and wait for SIl to make the next move.Least said soonest mended.What is DH's opinion.?

My sister's younger daughter got married on Friday, with just Very close family present. Total number in the bridal party was 12, including 2 babies (who behaved beautifully), and everyone thoroughly enjoyed the day. All the couple's friends and colleagues enjoyed an evening party that night, which completed the festivities perfectly.

My youngest daughter has been sailing round the world with her partner for five and a half years. They had a daughter, my first grandchild in Mexico and we went out to visit them there. It was incredibly painful not to be around for the pregnancy and birth. A year and a bit later we all got an email from her HUSBAND saying they had got married the day before. In Fiji with no guests but their sleeping daughter and two employees from the registry office as witnesses! I did feel a pang but it was what they had wanted and we had experienced the full white wedding in church for her sister three years earlier. We got over it and I hope the OP can do the same.I don't need to instance all we have done for her - she's our daughter.

Please don't be sad or angry.My brother had a second wedding in Las Vegas with just me and my partner present. None of the rest of the family in the U.K. knew until the morning of the wedding. That included our dad, my brothers sons and families, my SILs twin sister and her twenty something daughters. They were sorry not to be there but arranged a big party for her on her return. Perhaps you could think of something to celebrate their happiness. It sounds as though she perhaps has a better time ahead that she has had in the past. Try to be glad for her if you can.

So sorry you feel upset, but they probably didn't think that anyone would be upset by their very quiet wedding. We got married with relatively few people present - its my first marriage, and my husband was a widower.

I hope people weren't upset at not being invited to our wedding - I was just thrilled to be getting married and didn't really think that it would be a big deal for other people. I do hope you will feel less upset as time goes by. We would have got married with no one there at all but that proved impossible!

I doubt anyone intended to hurt anyone and perhaps didn't realise their importance to you? As others have suggested, can you host a dinner or small party for them in a few weeks? What's important is that they love each other, and that everyone else accepts their choice of wedding and feels able to congratulate them. ?

My son lived with his partner for many years, they even had a child, but insisted marriage was not necessary. Then out of the blue he sent a wedding picture from a registry office wedding, it was a total shock, but that was their choice and at least they did not waste thousands of £ on it. I would have liked to have gone - suggested that we and bride's parents could have gone out for a meal, if nothing else. Apparently they said the same, but what's done is done.

Has it occurred to you to ask her why you didn't get an invitation.

I certainly wouldn't have left it and hoped for the best.

Both you and your husband are entitled to know.
After all, you are family.

It's downright rude and insensitive to blank you like that.

With respect, this is her day, not yours and it's entirely up to the happy couple how they choose to organise the event.
Surely you aren't tallying up who owes what in terms of support lent and favours owed?
Family love doesn't involve keeping score.
Just be genuinely happy for them and offer your congratulations.

They obviously didn't want anyone there as her daughter was the only witness. It may be because her children's father had died. Lots of people do this, after all it's just a legality and there's no need for a big fuss.
My sister did the same, it was her third marriage and didn't want the fuss, though I guessed before the event and got a small wedding cake and tea for them , when they visited a few days later.
It's not about you, it's about what they want.

My DD also did the same 4 years ago, I could perfectly understand her reasons for doing so, I knew in advance so it wasn't a shock, but I couldn't stop myself from being hurt. However this cloud had a silver lining, when their daughter was christened early this year, all their friends and family came and they had their marriage blessed at the same .
Wish your sister well, talk to a close friend about your feelings, to help you come to terms with it, and when you feel the time is right invite your sister and all her family over fora celebratory lunch

I got married recently. We informed immediate family, didn't prevent them from coming but made it clear it was unnecessary. A couple of local friends were witnesses, we went to Wetherspoon for mixed grills all round, then we both went to work. If anyone was upset by this, they were sensible enough to keep it to themselves.

Understand how you feel . My Brother got married and we didn't know till after. My Hubbies Brother also did this to him but they have built bridges and rebuilt their relationship. I know I haven't done anything wrong and have tried to contact him to no avail as even a discussion to find out the reason would be good.

My brother recently did this and I completely understood his reasons. I was married for 28 years when my husband left. I've since met my current partner and we've been together for 16 years. I can't see any reason to marry but if for some reason we did it would be a very private affair with no guests whatsoever. To invite family would, to me, be like celebrating the break down of my children's original family. I'd be embarrassed to promise in front of a crowd to stay with someone 'until death us do part' when I obviously didn't manage it the first time around. It's great to celebrate a first wedding with family and friends but, in my opinion, not appropriate following divorce, especially if children were involved.

It's probably because it's a second marriage and they just needed 2 people for witnesses. Emotions aren't rational, though, so I get your feeling hurt, anyway. But agree with pps that it's wise that you vented here and not at them. Send congrats and move on is my advice.

I did exactly the same. It often seemed as though the wedding meant more than the marriage to some of my friends. We had 2 witnesses and told everyone afterwards. People seemed pleased for us . A few months later I asked my family how they felt and the only one who was bothered was my 8 year old niece who felt that she'd missed out on being a bridesmaid.

You say her daughter and her daughter's partner went and were witnesses. So it seems they wanted a quiet wedding inviting the daughter as they wanted someone very close to them as witnesses.

Now if they invited you how many other people would they have to invite so others weren't offended. Then would they have to pay for a reception which maybe they didn't want to spent money on. Difficult to invite people to a wedding and say that's it we are going home. Was this the reason they wanted a quiet affair?

Then you say, "I don't think our relationship will be the same again.". Well that will be your making. How sad you are disapproving of someone you love because they didn't do something how you wanted it to be.

How about getting all the relatives and friends together and have a pot luck barbecue to celebrate the marriage to wish them happiness in the future. Marriage is hard enough without people who we thought were friends being unsupportive.

My only brother's son got married & there was no invitation for us. Only found out when I asked if my nephew was still with same girlfriend whom I've still never met! Extremely hurt as I'm close to my brother.
I have accepted it as I don't want to upset anyone other than me!!

She sent you a photo, so I don't think there was any malice intended by not inviting you. My husband and I did the same thing (2nd Marriage for both) didn't invite everybody, because we'd been round once already!! Don't fall out over it...Life's too short!

I worked with someone who 2nd time round got married in their lunch hour, and came back to work in the afternoon. I think they told us later that week, or maybe at the end of the day.