...to feel frustrated with husband....

If you're in good health then yes I think you are being unreasonable!

Why can you not deal with cobwebs, mould and the carpets?

You are not being unreasonable icbn. You said that "he says the welfare of all he loves is all that really matters" in which case it should matter to him that you're unhappy.

Have you told him just how unhappy the state of the house is making you feel?

Mr. S. is much better than he used to be but years ago when decorating needed doing we always went through the same saga; I'd say we need to decorate, he'd get in a mood, I'd insist, we'd have an argument and then we'd decorate.

TBH I've always done the lions share leaving him to do the bits I can't reach and I quite enjoy it.

Kateykrunch's suggestion is a good one. You can hire a machine for carpets, the rug doctor is good and easy to use. You never know, if you get just one room up to scratch he might appreciate the difference and be inspired; I hope so.

I think I would tackle this by listing down all the things I think need doing in priority order and then seeing what I could do about it within any monies available. Certainly any structural issues like damp etc need dealing with properly and your husband will need to engage with this but you cant start the process of by getting the quotes. After that a fresh coat of paint and a big declutter can do so much to liven things up and you will feel better if you are being proactive. As for your husband and his busyness is it work or play he is doing - if its the latter you might need to put your foot down.

if you start to clear one room at a time , up tell him no dinner till it is done and if he helps it will be quicker

I agree with Oriel, but as you say that money is a problem, If it was me I would just take on a room at a time myself and give it a good spring clean, tidy up, clean the old carpets (as long as safe) de-clutter and buy 1 or 2 inexpensive items to cheer the room and you up. Take it a step at a time, good luck!

I sympathise icbn - no hubby at home but lots needs doing, drives me to despair sometimes, can't do it all as I work full time but no money - ah well...

I do feel a lot of the diy does fall on my shoulders as he openly admits he just doesn't have the patience. His answer would be to 'get someone in' but we just don't have money going spare so it is near on impossible. He's also got a substantial debt from his previous marriage which still has a number of years till that clears. Feel like I'm going a 'little bit mad' with it all. Just need to rant a bit....

I agree with Oriel - but I would get a list of costings first, then tell hubby that these are the things that need doing, and this is how much it will cost if someone from outside has to be brought in.

You say he will do anything to help anyone but clearly that offer of help doesn't extend to include you.

If I were in your unenviable position I would sort things out myself. Get someone in to sort out the repairs, redecorate and generally bring things to an acceptable standard. Place an order for new carpeting and get a cleaner in to help with the cobwebs, etc.

Ah, if you love him just forgive him( as Tammy Wynette I think sang). Wish I had one like him!

Can you do something about it? Maybe get someone in to look at the mould and give and idea of what needs doing and cost etc. Cobwebs are usually pretty easy to deal with unless of course you are incapacitated in any way.
Carpets can be dangerous when they start really wearing through so maybe if you point that out he would think about changing them.