Last moments

I want want Spike Milligan put.... "I TOLD you I was ill!"



I'm having Christmas music at my 'Death-day partay'. Planned it with the grandkids!

This is your Obituary which I presume you won't be able to read so is it worth upsetting your family about. With the state of the NHS you will be lucky to be in hospital unless you know you will be in a hospice and with the lack of nurses you could be dying alone. So you could be at home and it would be your family.

I think they just wanted people to know they cared. Maybe better wording would be "She died with the support of family and friends". This might meet everyone's needs.

'Passed away' is appalling! What's wrong with 'dead' or 'died'? Think it might be American, along with 'casket' (ugh!)

Thanks for a great thread of funny posts.

...best laugh I've had for sometime.

Is Blodwen still with us? Sorry but it could read as though her loved ones have had their last visit.

I am wondering why ask the question - are loved ones upset at being shut out? I can understand wanting to be alone or just with professionals, even if you are dying, you may feel that you have to be thinking of the loved ones needs rather than the other way round, when perhaps you may want to relax and be mindful of your last moments. There are one or two people I would not mind having sitting there, saying nothing, just in companionable silence, but would hate all the family members to be gathered round watching. On the other hand, they might feel offended or upset at being pushed away from my last moments, and carry that with them for the rest of their life, whereas, once I am dead, my last few moments on earth will hardly matter to me anymore.
If you are lucky enough to be in a hospice at the end, you could let the staff know how you feel, they will be used to dealing with it in a gentke kindly, manner.

I am always puzzled by the term 'surrounded by his/her family'. Are they all there (I wonder how many) waiting for the final breath? Do they talk, converse, laugh, cry? If it's in hospital I'm sure the staff are delighted when masses of relatives arrive! No, I want to do what both my mother and my sister did - die 5 minutes before I arrived. I had said my goodbyes the previous day and they both knew I loved them.

I worked in a nursing home for several years and quite a few residents had family with them for days, sometimes weeks, at their bedside and it was when the family left for a short time that they died. It was as if they didn't want their loved ones to see them go.
Blodwen1910, can you ask them not to put it in your obituary if that is your choice?

I don't want to pass either so I think I'll just be "late" like Mma Ramotswe's father!

I don't care if people choose to say passed, passed on, passed away, lost, it's their grief and they have to cope with it.

I just had this very conversation with my youngest son yesterday.

I do not want anyone to sit with me and wait for me to die, it is harowing and I have done it so I know. I have lived an independant life and I want an independant death, just me walking home. I've told the kids to leave me to it.

I loathe hospices, they make me me cringe with their well meaningness.........when my mother died, in the early hours of the morning the hospice nurse met me at the lift and said ' you have just missed it' as if it were the penalty shoot out in a cup final.

The hospital where dad died was just as bad, kept offering me a priest to give him a blessing, he was a blessing, he didn't need their mumbo jumbo.

My obituary will read 'she didn't like any of them'.

I was interested in becoming a soul midwife but found it all too hippyfied, I have lived my life without the need for a Tibetan singing bowl I don't want all that faffing about when I am leaving.

I have booked a click and collect funeral, just me and the chas at the crem. The kids can do whatever they like about a get together, it is for them not me, so at a time and place to suit themselves or not as the case may be.

Agree totally with maryeliza54 - what difference will it make to you whether you have the friends and family whose lives you are a part of, or some 'compassionate' nurse who you may not even know? Is it because you want this nurse to give you a gentle help along the way? It's the people who are left behind who feel the lasting pain, so if you do have family and/or friends who may want to be with you, why not? This all supposes it will happen that way anyway, which is unlikely.

my funeral instructions are in my will.no expensive coffin made of wood that could be better used than being burned,no waste of money on flowers,as my own mum always said take flowers to the living when they can enjoy them dont take them to the dead to lie withering at a grave or in a crematorium garden and NO headstone..or memorial of any kind.I have lived a good life ,as best I can ,and done all that is within my power to do for others but I certainly dont want a chunk of stone with stuff written on it ...like the rest of the human race I have lived and I will die ....end of .no obit either in local press,anyone who needs to know will be told ...

As one who was taken to A E yesterday,with my eyes closed because of vertigo and nausea, I realise the last thing you probably hear is "the ambulance is on its way."
Either that or my DH screeching" Mind that ... " as I am driving.
Am better today, off into the garden.

I've told my family my wishes, written full funeral instructions and all I hope now is that if I can't enjoy life any longer I can be allowed to go in peace with some dignity. Only MIL, DH and DS left now, so not much point in a lot of fuss (suspect that I'll be the 3rd of them to die) and all that remains of real concern is that want DS to find Ms Right and let me see some GC!

I don't think you're being unreasonable if that's what you'd like. I'd like my family to put something that makes them feel better since they're the ones who have things to deal with.

What a great thread. So many people avoid any discussion about this seriously big topic or it is so dressed up in soppy euphemisms as to be quite unintelligible. I think we all have a responsibility to let those who will probably have to deal with it all to know our wishes both verbally and in writing. But what happens when it all happens is beyond our control. Most people, I think, would like having those who love them around in the final period, if not necessarily the final moment. As several people have noted often people do die just after as loved ones leave or even pop out to the loo. If at all possible I do believe it is important to do our utmost to honour and respect the final wishes of someone we love but this is not always possible for many reasons. Like most parts of life we generally do our best. Having had to deal with the complications of several very messy Wills please pay your children or beneficiaries the respect of making your wishes and intentions as clear and straightforward as possible.

I'm only 35 and just planned my wishes.. I am pregnant and have a complication which heightens the death risk of my c-section to 9% so I'll prob be fine BUT someone needs to die so I want to be prepared.. I've got everything down to a fine tune lol.. I expect my family to follow my wishes and they shouldn't change them in the slightest.. It's my death so it's up to me.. I'd never dream of questioning anyone's wishes so I don't think you're being unreasonable, I actually like your idea and may use it myself!! Xx

At the moment I am even thinking about putting in my will that my family need not attend. If they can't make the effort while I am alive, why bother to visit a lifeless corpe?

I would like to be carried out from the church - by my three sons and 3 son -in laws to Gracie Fields singing "wish me luck as you wave me goodbye" - my husband - a man of the cloth has said "over my dead body" we shall see!

I was with both my parents when they died - mum very young from breast cancer and dad 25 years later from brain haemorrhage. Neither were conscious but I wanted to be with them as my last act of love as their daughter. It felt right and the (temporary) relief that they'd gone was uplifting. Years later and I'm sobbing writing this.

Thistlerosel, from the other side of the world I salute your courage and send you the most heartfelt wishes for the safe and joyful delivery of a bundle of love and joy.

Exactly my mother's wishes, paddyann, which of course we have followed. She added that in lieu of flowers, she preferred donations to a named charity. No gravestone etc, because she didn't want to impose cost or time for others having to maintain it. Unselfish to the last.

paddyann, you describe my mother's wishes, which of course we carried out. She requested donations to a named charity instead of flowers, and didn't want anyone to have the cost or trouble of maintaining a gravestone or memorial. Thoughtful and unselfish to the very last.

I really agree about all the euphemisms for dying and passed has to be the worst. It reminds me of A levels. When my DH had to find his final days in nursing care I was distraught at first but came to realise that leaving the professionals to do what they do best was better for him and left me a few precious days to go back to being his wife not his carer.

I don't see why not. My Mum wrote hers xxx