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AIBU

To expect her to be on time!

(83 Posts)
minimo Wed 20-Sept-17 14:14:54

My friend (ex-boss but we bonded early on and became very close) is always, ALWAYS late. Usually by about half an hour so it's not a minute or two. I don't mind if she's coming over to my house (although on those occasions it's often longer than half an hour) but when I'm waiting outside a shop or pre-arranged meeting place, having texted her an hour before to confirm the time, she is STILL late. I'm using caps as you can see meaning I am VERY irate. I've tried arriving late myself but I just can't make myself do it. I pointedly look at my watch and we've laughed (me, rather drily) about her lack of punctuality before but it hasn't made any difference.

Anya Thu 21-Sept-17 14:20:33

Actually I think I'd be tempted to give her a taste of her own medicine and let her do the waiting.

Of course then you'd have to skulk nearby where you can't be seen...and keep skulking for at least 20 minutes, providing you didn't get arrrested for suspicious behaviour/bored/achy feet/etc.

#howtobecomeastalker

EmilyHarburn Thu 21-Sept-17 14:23:34

I am dyspraxic and used to have great problems with time. I always fixed my meetings with staff for half past and put in my diary the hour so that I had 10 and they had 10.30 say. Now I am retired I fix GP appointments for fifteen mins past the hour and put the hour on my calendar. It works. Your friend needs to be helped to come up with a strategy that works. I would suggest too that you meet in a cafe so that at least you can have a coffee and use the free wiifi.

Silverlining47 Thu 21-Sept-17 14:28:33

My DD is very often late when we've arranged to meet which is very annoying but I'm pleased to see her so am indulgent BUT I know she is very punctual for her work where timing is vital and to be late would totally unacceptable.
I recognise this is a trait I used to have when I was younger until a friend told me she wouldn't put up with it. I was taken aback but it did make me change my attitude to punctuality. So maybe you should tell her and not be so indulgent. She may not realise how fed up you are with her behaviour.

meandashy Thu 21-Sept-17 14:35:23

I am a person who hates to be late. It causes me a great deal of anxiety. This is for everything in my life from meeting friends to catching trains/flights. I get very stressed especially if somebody else is accompanying me.
My dd is always late. I feel I may have contributed to this by constantly mithering her when she was young about being ready... hurry up etc...
There is no sense of urgency about her at all!! Drives me potty. Dgd seems has inherited her mum's laise fair attitude to time keeping ? getting ready for school is a mammoth task despite her young age (6!!)
I have to agree with others, if your friends lateness really bothers you and you feel unable to speak to her about it tell her you're meeting earlier & you be there at the time you think she'll make it!

codfather Thu 21-Sept-17 14:48:21

At family get-togethers, I am always the first to arrive and my sister, the last, irrelevant of distance travelled etc. Nothings going to change so we all make a joke of it.

It's something we all live with!

Maidmarion Thu 21-Sept-17 14:58:53

I, too, have (had!!) a friend like that. It used to drive me crackers as she was ALWAYS, ALWAYS late and just used to say "you know what I'm like ..." And YES. It IS rude ... extremely!!!!!

grannyactivist Thu 21-Sept-17 15:19:51

I once wrote on here about a time I got very angry with a solicitor who was persistently late for appointments that I attended on behalf of a friend of mine. Eventually I gave him a very cross dressing down in front of one of his minions and accused him, quite rightly, of assuming his time was more precious than mine. He was never late again.
My father in law is often late and yet, although I sometimes feel frustrated, I never get cross with him because I understand his reasons. He wakes in the morning with a plan of what he would like to achieve and sets to work; if a phone call runs over time or there are unexpected interruptions he will still deal with them and if they cause him to be late then he will apologise.

Cubagran Thu 21-Sept-17 15:29:51

My DH is a bit like this with time, but it's when we're planning to leave the house, especially leaving to go on holiday or a day out somewhere. I have to tell him a time an hour earlier than I really want to leave - he just faffs around doing anything except get ready. Don't think he's twigged it yet!

Crazygran Thu 21-Sept-17 15:32:31

Lateness is something that drives me mad!!!
But I really do think it's something one is born with.
I was a primary school teacher for 30 years and it was always the same families who were late, not children's fault.
I have tried telling friends we are meeting earlier than we need but it doesn't work.
I am the opposite , always early . Didn't realise that I followed my Dad in this till he came to live with me.
Being early prob annoys my friends as much as they annoy me by being late.
Can't help it tho .

FarNorth Thu 21-Sept-17 15:50:08

Of course then you'd have to skulk nearby where you can't be seen...and keep skulking for at least 20 minutes

Why would you have to skulk?

nuttyasfruitcakenan Thu 21-Sept-17 15:51:40

Agree with previous post . I was brought up never to be late always leave plenty of time etc etc . Unfortunately not my other half or any members of his family ( I was waiting at the church for his mother to arrive at my wedding ! ) It was a problem for a long time eventually always tell either him or them at least 30 to 45 minutes before the actual time . I really works as everybody arrives around the right time

luluaugust Thu 21-Sept-17 16:48:59

My dd was another one who was always early for appointments and he trained my brother and I to be the same thereby making us both rather anxious about time and meetings we are always early and get worried if we are held up in any way. OH bought up the other way round, both more or less met in the middle now. Do meet your friend inside preferably somewhere you can sit down. When we visited Sandringham we were told the clocks had been kept fast as Queen Alexandra was always late!

AlgeswifeVal Thu 21-Sept-17 17:08:48

I have a friend who is just the same and believe me I get furious. I feel like driving off and letting her find her own way to wherever we are going. I just can't unferstand her. So, no you are not being unreasonable in getting fed up about her lateness.

MissAdventure Thu 21-Sept-17 17:13:13

I can't stand lateness: in my last job there was one man who was continually very late - meaning people couldn't go home until he arrived. It was looked at as an endearing quality, except by me. I would be secretly fuming!

ajanela Thu 21-Sept-17 17:19:23

Living in a country were everyone is late, it drives me mad

At work did she keep her superiors waiting or clients.? If yes then that is the norm for her, if no then she is disrespecting you.

From your side you know this is going to happen so why go so early? You want her to change but just as easily you could change and not put yourself through this stress.

Daisydoo2 Thu 21-Sept-17 17:35:27

It is just rude to be late, tell her to be there half an hour earlier than you intend to arrive. I feel annoyed for you!

Lilyflower Thu 21-Sept-17 18:40:53

It is very middle class to be fashionably late but I can't stand it. I think it is rude and if you are cooking dinner for others it can be ruined by tardiness. I cannot help feeling that were these same latecomers who are signalling their superior air of 'I am not tied down like boring people' by their behaviour would be infuriated if others paid them in like manner.

Caro1954 Thu 21-Sept-17 19:54:36

I had a friend like this and tried everything I could think of - the 30 minute thing, meeting indoors, giving her ten minutes then leaving. She arrived for meals at my house up to an hour late, at her house her DH cooked and she would come downstairs half an hour late saying been listening to a radio programme. Eventually I came to the conclusion that she believed that she was simply of importance than anybody else and decided that I didn't want such an unequal relationship. It depends how much you value this friendship whether you can put up with this.

Mapleleaf Thu 21-Sept-17 22:07:47

I agree with gagagrans suggestion.

Mauriherb Fri 22-Sept-17 07:19:21

I have a friend like that and we used to laugh about it even though I was annoyed. Then one day she told me to chill out and asked why I got cross about it. I told her that I didn't like the fact that she considered that her time was so much more important than mine, and that I had nothing better to do than waste time waiting around. She hasn't been late since , and yes, we are still friends

123kitty Fri 22-Sept-17 08:24:30

Why would your friend even bother to be on time if you always wait for her? You are obviously upset by her rude treatment, please stop putting up with it. Follow one of the above pieces of helpful advice to deal with her. Good luck.

Bambam Fri 22-Sept-17 10:26:50

People who are consistently late are rude, disrespectful and arrogant.

Catherine1954 Fri 22-Sept-17 11:11:50

Completely agree but found with one good friend when he was late (as always) and I just left, he changed but he still mentions this as example of how unreasonable I can be

Amry64 Fri 22-Sept-17 16:13:07

Very sad to see such judgemental posting about this. I've always had a problem with time-keeping - it's not intentional, I'm not being rude, I certainly don't think I'm more important than anyone else! Whatever I do, I find I am 10 minutes out - at school I often missed the bus, then was often in detention, but it got better when I went by bike and had control over my travelling. Work wasn't too bad as we had flexi-time, but meeting people and catching buses since I retired is still a problem. And as one person said, I do have problems leaving the house. Is it a form of agrophobia? Today, I have found things to do and put off going out until it is nearly tea-time and I still haven't got to the shops. Strangely, since my DH died 2 years ago I have found my timing has improved - he always blamed me but used to dither and delay and would then say it was my fault we were late! Please have some sympathy - it's a problem not arrogance.

rafichagran Fri 22-Sept-17 18:47:17

Sorry*anry*I an not buying in to what you are saying If you are making arrangments to meet someone you should be on time. It is frustrating having to wait for people who are late, and it is not nice hanging around. You know the time you have arranged to meet someone, you need to organise it better, and yes it is rude to be late.