Gransnet makes me feel lonely

The problem with lurking is that no one knows you’re there. If you see the same old names over and over it’s because they are the same people who are jumping in and having their say. And on most threads people post their opinions re the OP rather than responding to individual posts so it’s fairly rare to get an actual response to your own post if you’ve just responded to, not started, a thread. Killing a thread is more about joining the conversation too late than putting people off because you’ve entered the room. It’s rarely personal, just bad timing.

I used to join in the contentious threads but didn’t like the heated discussions. Mistakenly, I took those personally and soon learned best to steer clear. Recently I’ve started a lot of theeads asking for domestic advice and these lovely people are always very keen and helpful with tips and ideas and aive learned a lot (who knew white vinegar was so useful?). Some threads never really get going - the trick seems to be to ask something that a lot of people like to give their opinion on but it’s a mystery what that might be. I never follow other people and only ‘chat’ with them. I think you will have to try again and jump right in and give up the lurking. Good luck.

Really good post, mollie!

Thank you.

You just have to jump in and post. Many of us don't get replies as such. This is not a chat room in the sense that every one gets instant responses.
If you browse through threads you will see that anyone just comments.
It is a sort of free for all on who posts on what subject anyone can make a comment or an observation.
I do not feel put out if nobody responds.

Listen, you who still feel loners, bight the bullet and just keep posting. I can fully understand about feeling shy or such but it is worth it to keep on.

I snuck into GN when DD anounced she was pregnant and lurked. When my first GS was born and I posted that I was now a real grandmother and not just a lurker.
The response of congratulations from everyone amazed me I thought people would just take it for granted.

We have not had any new gransnet babies to celebrate for a good while though.

I really should be on my way to the shops right now I have Seville Marmalade to make. Not lurking on GN

Maybe start by putting an opinion on the forum about tv programs or joining in with the games, that is good fun.

I love going on Gransnet every morning, i find reading posts more real and interesting than the newspaper!!!

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and obviously other may not agree but dont worry about it, that is life.

Welcome to our life jamsidedown

Jamsidedown, I was saying to my sons how great Gransnet is for the quality of the grans' comments on relationships especially. And in an age of loneliness what a good service Gransnet is! Then I noticed that nobody at all had offered any moral support on a personal problem that I explained. I did feel rebuffed. So revised my over-enthusiasm for Gransnet. However on balance the loving kindness outweighs the apparent rejections.

Nanawind's comment ("Don't worry you are not the only one feeling like that")just above this one is important because the feeling of rejection , of not being normal for the group , is a large part of loneliness and anxiety.

Hello jamsidedown ?
I haven’t seen your user name before, so perhaps put more posts on here and then everybody will get to know you.
I had never thought about posts being ‘replied to’ or worried about it, after all they are going to be read by other posters which is what matters on a forum.
On political/ news threads I put what I think, but temper honesty with kindness on threads where somebody has a
Problem because in my view, that’s what is needed.
The games threads are a good place to do regular posts.

Hi jamsidedown don't worry the comments you made have applied to many of us on GN from time to time. As another poster said its not a chat room so there are not always responses on any given topic. GN is less cliquey now than it was, just a group of people sometimes get heated over political issues. Don't be put off, keep the posts coming and you will soon get responses. Good luck.

And, those of us who have been here a while do get to 'know' about others - just like any new group you might join. You will feel more comfortable as time goes on!!

Hi Jamsidedown, good to to read your post, I do understand where you are coming from. I think there are some threads where the topic is a passion ( usually politics ) with some posters, they do not seem very tolerant to any views expressed by posters who they deem to be less well informed than themselves & this is when it can get a bit nasty & personal, some threads are almost a closed shop. But there are lots of threads that are very enjoyable & more lighthearted, hopefully you will find some you like, you are not alone, there are far more of us ' unpicked lovelies ' than there are of the 'chosen few' thank goodness?

Please don't give up. I felt lost here when I joined , it seemed everyone knew everyone , I thought - I don't belong here.

I stayed and thank God I did , laughter, disagreements, compassion, support, all here . You will find the same x

I understand how you feel, jamsidedown. Sometimes I will have typed a long post and then thought better of it and deleted it, thinking ‘nobody will care what I think’.

I lurk more than I post but I have made some lovely friends on here who have helped me through some trying times.

Bellasnana - I do that a lot, thought better of it and deleted my typing as I think no one will be interested. I'm getting braver though now and a bit thicker skinned. If I feel strongly about something I will post it.

I had composed a response to this, then scrolled up and saw that janeainswqorth had said what all that I intended to say but more succinctly

All that I would add, is that you become a member of a community like GN by posting. No-one ever became part of a group by standing outside and deciding not to join in.

And no-one ever wanted me in their team at school and I was always outside the 'in group', but never actually wanted to be part of it.

Aww, if you delete and not post you will never know ?

jamsidedown welcome and sympathies, but the others are right - jump in, then people will recognise your name. Lurking has its uses though, you get used to the threads and familiarise yourself with names. I'm a returner, and though I joined in 2011 I left a couple of years ago and I too am nervous of posting, and I do seem to kill threads.
Keep going and good luck

Totally agree with what everyone has said. I was always the last to be picked for team games at school as well and have also deleted more posts than I have posted but if I feel I have something to contribute then I will.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to respond to this - and i am surprised - although maybe I shouldn’t be - at the many people who share my feelings. Maybe I just need to develop a thicker skin! Have a good day everyone.

haha if all us ‘ outsiders’ got together we d have a big ole club
Let’s do it x

I've been a member for some years but don't 'know' people. I come and go depending on what is going on in my 'real' life.

If you think you have posted something worthwhile why not add another comment which will get your post back on the Last Hour for a different set of people to look at?

I am sure I am not alone in not looking at every post, not many would have the time for that. I don't like posting on a thread unless I have at least skim read all the posts so I don't even start reading some of the very long threads and only look at I'm On or Last Hour so probably miss lots of threads but life is too important to worry about what I might have missed.

Maybe only start a post when you know you will have time to go back and look at it for the next few hours?

jam I remember your name from your previous posts. As others have said, I think a lot of us felt the same as you when we first 'signed up'. I'm very shy in RL and am not much better on here!

Some GNetters may appear cliquey, but that's only because they've been on here for a long time, and/or have met up in RL, so it's only natural for a newbie to feel a little bit on the outside of things.

I ventured into the Games thread to ease myself in gradually and just generally get the hang of things. One of my first posts on a different thread was greeted with a personal comment, which nearly put me off ever posting again, but then I realised that this particular poster was fairly blunt with their comments to everyone

I've also managed to kill off numerous threads over the years, which is also disconcerting to start with, but is just part of GN life.

Hope you feel that you can carry on being part of GN. There's so much knowledge, wisdom, kindness and wit on here that the positives far outweigh any negatives.

Of course, if you'd rather be doing the hoovering, washing, de-cluttering . . . . .

I have never really felt like that - sometimes people respond to my threads, sometimes not. It is all the same to me. They probably have something else to do!

But I have to say that there have been times when I have gained enormous support - there has been kindness and useful advice freely given; and on the couple of occasions when I have posted when in distress, the response has been immediate and positive.

Just jump on in and do not let it get to you if sometimes you do not get much response.

It only a superficial thing but can I just that your name jam side down is perhaps just a little bit gloomy. Perhaps Sunnyside up or something like that might make a bit of a difference. Do you feel that on the whole your life has been jam side down? If so perhaps gransnet can cheer you up.

I agree with other who have said lurking will get you know where jam . But I also wonder at the expectations we might have that a post with no response means no one cares- what about if its as simple as no-one has anything to offer?

Or that after we post a thread seems to die - or has it run its natural course.

I'm afraid Ive never seen your username before but is that because you mostly lurked or have different interests to me? its not that I don't 'like' you its that we simply have not had the chance to get to know each other.

Start easy, wander into *soops8 kitchen, no-one is ever ignored and a warm welcome is guaranteed. After you have been plied with virtual cake and offered a friendly pet to cuddle everything else falls into place

Molly - Very wise post!