AIBU My 18 year old granddaughter has lived with us for 15 months after falling out with mum but I have had to ask her to leave.
Sorry for the extended back story but its more than a bit comlplicated
DS and DIL split 6 years ago after 12 years of marriage , in a very angry messy divorce. The marriage broke down (mostly) due to uncontrolled spending of my DIL, The 2 grandchildren lived with mum, who was very bitter and has some mental health issues. As often happens Ex DIL poisoned the kids blaming my DS for the break up.
DS kept in contact with the children, had them most weekends and paid above and beyond maintenance. I'm sad to say ex DIL changed partners on a too regular basis, moving a new man in as she kicked the last out and I'm sure my granddaughter saw and heard more than a child should ever know.
After a fracas with an unsavoury boyfriend of Ex DIL the youngest, my grandson came to live with his dad. My granddaughter who was 14 by then refused to leave her mum and wanted no more to do with her dad (even though the assault was on her dad). Again we tried to keep in contact.
15 months ago my granddaughter asked if she could move in with my husband and myself. She wasn't getting on with her mum and needed somewhere safe to stay, still blamed her dad for the divorce, so I said yes. We gave her a bedroom, sky TV food money etc, ferried her everywhere to college and to and from friends. Her mum transferred her Family allowance which I have saved for driving lessons
Unfortunately her standard of everyday living and our are miles apart. She doesn't shower very often, smokes and drinks, her room is a tip. Despite 15 months of reminding cajoling and downright telling she hasn't changed a bit. Making allowances for her upbringing is one thing but her attitude is something else.
She got a job about 9 months ago and I didn't ask her for anything towards her keep.
She seems to think that she doesn't have to do anything around the house at all as she 'now goes to work and its my job.'
She treats the place like a hotel, refuses to say when she is coming or going or who she is with.I have given her a key, but she forgets to take it so I have said to her that if she is not coming home to tell me as I am not happy leaving the back door open at night. This resulted in her getting locked out and waking me up 2 nights last week.
She earns between £800 - 1200 per month, but spends it in the first 2 weeks. I have offered to help her budget and even worked out her expenses but she's not interested. Then she tries to borrow money when she runs out and gets cross and tries to manipulate me when I refuse.
The last straw happened about a week ago. My husband has several chronic illnesses and is on a downward spiral and has been hospitalised 3-4 times in the last few months. His illnesses can be bought on by stress. She and I had a heated discussion over something and when my husband intervened and told her to keep it down she shouted at him to go back in his room and watch the tv and keep out of it. I told her that she needs to be more considerate, because if he had a heart attack after she stressed him out I would blame her and she would blame herself. To which she replied she couldn't give a sh*t if he did.
I told her that she had better find somewhere else to live if that's how she felt.
So AIBU to tell her to leave
Thanks for reading this far, feel better now its written out
doglady1 Sun 04-Feb-18 16:15:58
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