Is it usual to go off sex at 65

So glad to see this discussion . After 35 years and a very healthy and enjoyable sex life with DH my libido seems to have fallen off a cliff recently.We have been intimate about 1/2 a month,and when we make the effort it can still be enjoyable but I've often gone to bed hoping DH won't try to initiate anything because I'm simply too tired,or worried about dryness despite using a good lubricant.Sylk. It was becoming a bit of an elephant in the room as I was worrying DH was frustrated,but after a frank discussion turns out he's not as inclined either,and worries about maintaining an election as a couple of times lately hasn't been able to.It was a huge relief to discuss it.And he admitted it took the pressure off him.We've both had a lot of 'stuff' going on with elderly parents,jobs etc so that impacts too probably.
We both agreed we're happier than ever together,to just relax and cuddle and not make penetrative sex the be all and end all.If anything were more affectionate in other ways so if we are not red hot in bed so be it.And neither of us feel the need to go down the Viagra,extra this and that route.But I'd hate to be in a situation where there was a big difference in desires.And where my partner didn't respect my feelings.So sorry to hear your situation Linnie. You deserve so much more.

Are you some kind of researcher MagicBubble? Do you work for BANT?
Your contribution sounds very like advice from someone who knows not a lot about ageing and has wandered on to patronise and give unwanted advice. This thread is a positive one in that many contributors have been able to express honestly how they feel about ageing, sex and relationships.
"get it right and you might be chasing him round the bedroom!" - give us a break. Many contributors have referred to various significant health problems. Sex is an important part of a loving relationship but it isn't the only important thing, as this thread confirms.

We have had this discussion on GN about 4 years ago and Guess what? it landed in a newspaper in an article about sex in later years.
I also used it for a personal survey as I doing a course in psychology and needed practice in surveys. I came to the result that more than 50% were not interested. GN in their article had quite different result in that we were all very much into sex even after 60 and with medication to help.

My survey was just notes in a notebook and a calculater nothing came onto my computer.

But be careful the next article will be written. This is the subject newspapers like best.

Personally I'd rather have a cup of tea!?

Germaine Greer in her book The Change stated that she thought after 30 years sex with hubby you should be allowed to stop if you want.
Most women would feel different if they had a lovely young, fit and handsome man in bed.
but they havent!

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

A cup of tea and a hobnob'll do me, thanks.

I remember it being said when I was young (many many years ago!) that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex. Don't completely agree with this but do think it is a give and take situation. I think it is equally difficult for the one who wishes for sexual intimacy as it is for the one who doesn't, and one is not necessarily male and the other female. It can and does work both ways.

This is true, this is why it is not funny. My cousin in New Zealand found a Turkish female on line. He at the age of 86 took himself of there several times. He was robed of most of his life savings. He also lost his life due to a massive overdose of Viagra. I say this to anybody that is a few moments of pleasure worth it? We have a destroyed family over in NZ. Think about it.
Jane.

Is LynnieMe on the right thread?
I thought this was a thread about sexual relations when you're 60+, not about abusive relationships yet people are randomly answering Lynnie in between answers to the original thread.
If I'm right, this person has posted similar pleas about abuse in the middle of another thread some time ago and she was advised (in a kindly way) to start another thread besides receiving sympathetic responses.

Can we stop having the OPs thread hijacked?
There is an unrelated thread running through here and no-one has made her aware of the fact that she should start another thread or look for one already open.
Someone started a similar thing with a similar story a while back, just after I joined.
This woman is 64 and I'm sure that she must be aware of refuges and help from her GP.
Are they the same person? I don't know and I do sympathise, however, I'm cautiously sceptical.

What a nice thing to happen out of the blue westerlywind
It just goes to show that life throws us surprises and it's up to us to catch them.
Lots of good wishes to you both

Re ckaire raynors quote
The quote I remember reading somewhere was " put a marble in a jar every time you have sex in the first year and then take one out every time. The jar will never empty.

28 years ago, when I was 46, my husband told me " I don't get the urge any more". We'd stayed together after he'd had an affair about 2 years previously. I found, and find this quite humiliating, as if I wasn't and still am not desirable as a woman. I look after my appearance; I buy very good clothes and jewellery to boost my self esteem, but it still hurts. I've been secretly having solo sex for years now, with very satisfactory orgasms, but I still feel resentful. He is a grumpy old thing: all stained corduroy trousers and plucked fleece jackets, he has no friends. I have some wonderful friends who make me feel good about myself. I wouldn't mind the occasional show of genuine affection from him but this is never forthcoming - by word or action. He's what my mother would have called "a small parcel". It seems I'm stuck with him! Thanks Gransnetters: I feel better for getting that off my chest.

Jaxie maybe you shouldn't bother doing it secretly, you never know, it might trigger some interest :D

GabriellaG - Thank you. I never thought I would be happy ever again! It is just so nice to be alive.

How refreshing to be able to talk like this. I love my friends and family and could talk about anything with them but this. Its true its like an elephant in the room. I'm sure it would be the talk of the golf club if I ever mentioned it out loud to any of them although secretly I think that they'd agree and I could never hurt my husband, which it would. He's very kind and very funny so I have no problem with being with him.
The advertisements for the creams and gels which have started to appear on TV, for me are great for people who want to but can't for some reason but I just don't want to. Thank you all for your reasoning's and it just feels better talking about it.

Jaxie I feel for you. My own situation has been a little different from yours. I have always enjoyed sex but sadly my husband became impotent and then even more sadly died some years later. I have been widowed now for a number of years but my sexual desires have never diminished. I have recently met a man who has made me feel like a randy teenager again, though so far our friendship has not developed in that direction. Like you, solo sex has satisfactorily solved a lot of desires over the years.

I too am 65 and nearly three years ago met my partner on a dating site who is 10 years younger than me. My ex and I were celibate by his choice after our youngest was born and I used to cry myself to sleep wanting that intimacy again. After my marriage broke up I am embarrassed to say I joined a swingers site at 60 and met many men younger than me for sex. They made me feel good again after the rejection. I came off the site after six months and went on the normal dating sites. My partner wants sex but I don’t as I have zero sex drive. I don’t know why that is after my experience. I so want to have a normal sex life with him. He is very patient and doesn’t pressure me which makes me feel worse.

MargaretX "Most women would feel different if they had a young fit handsome man in bed"
Love it!!!!

Why would most women feel different if they had a young fit handsome man in bed? Thanks, but no thanks, I would much rather have someone of my age, whom I know well and I know will stick around and where love aand affection and knowing eah other well enhances the physical experience.

I can imagine nothing worse than having sex with some gigilo, who is probably doing it for what he can get out of me at the end, probably money. A real passion killer.

Monica

Although I would never actually go to bed with a young fit man ( chance would be a fine thing) , because I would be too self conscious, I do believe that my libido might be revived . I've never been of the opinion that sex is about love.,It's lust ! ( runs for cover)

Atqui That really made me chuckle. For me, however, it would be a combination of love and lust!

"Diet, weight and exercise play a major part. If the woman is overfeeding them both then sex and intimacy may suffer, so there are things that she might be able to do to help them both by helping them lose weight."

Magic Bubble are you saying that men only get fat if the wife over feeds them? What? Men can't overeat without some woman over feeding them. It's all our fault ladies! What a load of tosh!