To be very annoyed at this ungrateful child?

I would have very firmly taken (not asked for) the present back, not least because with any luck the boy would have reacted badly to this and this would have hopefully prompted a conversation between the grandmother and her grandson about why you had done this.
What a shame for your grandson, minimo. It's so lovely to teach a young child the joys of giving as well as receiving. How confused and disappointed he must have felt, poor little lad

I try and do as much school pick ups as possible for my daughter as my granddaughter doesn’t like going to after-school club every day! But one day she goes to her friends for a play-date after school. This boy is rather a badly behaved child who says and does what he wants when he wants! He’s not like it at school so no malady with it’s own ‘letters’ is gonna cut it. Laid firmly at the door of patents! Now my granddaughter is beginning to think it’s acceptable NOT to say please and thank-you... and sulks if you insist on it. My daughter is a child psychologist so is handling it nicely ...but we’re all hoping THIS particular friendship fizzles out soon!

I have a four year old grandson who is high spirited but soon gets pulled up if his behaviour is not acceptable. I don't think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. Trouble is, these kids grow up with problems because nobody dares discipline them. Sorry - I blame the parents, but grandparents also need to step up if the parents are not around.

We have had a little incident this past week with my grandaughter. (She will be 4 end of May)Her Aunt, my other daughter, brought her a small gift back from her recent holiday and she promptly said “I don’t want it” and tossed it down. When I and her parents found out she was given a good talking to regarding receiving gifts. I might add, she is known as a well mannered child normally so hopefully this won’t happen again.

How awkward & such a shame that your friendship with the other grandma was been jeopardised. On the plus side your own GS was shocked .....
so thankfully he understands that the other child was mean and rude. Kids eh!!

Bluebell, My good friends son was a brat at 4, a bully at school, an even worse teenager, then suddenly morphed into a pompous 30 year old, who thinks the world owes him a living.
4 years old is a good age to nip bad behaviour in the bud.

plenty of time before you have to slap a label on him.

What a ghastly child! He probably has ghastly parents who are not training him in how to behave either. I would cut ties for a while and if you are asked "why" you can tell them straight. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. All the best.

minimo That's so horrible! Your poor little DGS! I would not feel guilty in telling your DGS that the way the other child behaves is wrong and you are so glad he is such a good and kind little boy and does not do those things.
I don't know how I would handle the situation with your friend, it is so hard for her. She really needs to stop her GS from behaving like this. Can you say you do not want your DGS exposed to that kind of thing next time it happens? Being me, ex-teacher, retired psychologist, I'd be saying outright to the child "do not behave like that when you are with my GS and me! It is very rude." But I'm not saying I would be right. I did have a friend whose children were wild, dangerous and basically thugs. Her youngest was same age as my youngest but twice the weight. This child nearly broke our telly. She was bashing it and her mother did nothing. I went over and took away the "tool" she was bashing it with and said no you don't etc. but she still kept trying to bash up my daughter. In fact there was another friend who's son was the same. In the end I had to speak up and tell the mothers that I would not have their children in my house behaving like that.

The children who say they don’t like a present are only being honest. It’s quite complicated to learn that there are times when lying (i.e saying you like something when you don’t) is necessary. They do have to learn to be hypocritical, but it doesn’t come naturally to most children.

Not that I’m excusing bad behaviour, but I wouldn’t be quite as condemning as some are here.

Rude and ungrateful child; heading along the path of being a lonely one if somebody doesn't sort this out, Making excuses for him is not much help to him. Children all seem to start like little savages devoid of consideration - they will push others out of the way and snatch what they want but this is where good parents step in and gently explain. Isn't it everyone's duty to guide children towards being civilised? This Gran by laughing it off or not doing anything at all is just making him completely socially unacceptable .

I wonder if his grandmother doesn’t come down harder on him because her daughter/son doesn’t want her to. He does sound like a brat, rightly or wrongly if it had been me I would have gently taken it back from him and say something like that's fine, my dgs would love to have it if you don’t want it. I’m aware other people may disagree with me but the child does have to realise that he can’t just throw something away he doesn’t want/like. Your not even telling him off, you are simply saying that someone else would like to have it

Re. parents. Lots of little kids behave differently with their parents than they do with grandparents. More usually it's grandparents can get children to do things that parents can't (e.g. eat certain foods).
Personally I'd give this child a very wide berth.

I have heard it said that it takes a whole community to raise a child - or something on those lines. I do not hold back on those type of occasions and would probably have very quickly taken it back to give to someone nicer who would be pleased to have a present and would have told the birthday boy all about it! My grandson would probably have had it explained to him there and then that the kind of behaviour just seen was very bad and he was to make sure that he didn't behave in such a rude way - ever! I do not become embarrassed at doing these things either!
That child's grandmother cannot allow him to treat her so badly either because as he grows so will the abuse. Some children push the boundaries just to make sure you care enough to actually have boundaries!

All 4 year olds can be bratty, precisely because they're 4 year olds.
They just need putting right.

"How do his parents behave" comes to mind.

Instead of "telling him off" for being rude, talk to this child suggesting what he has said was "not kind" "or rude" and if someone said that to him how would he feel?l
Would it make him feel sad or happy etc and have a conversation like that about good manners.

They do need to be taught to say nice things whether they like the gift or not. At four, they will really say what they think! I know an 8 year girl who was given a doll by her granny at Christmas. The girl exclaimed dramatically "you just don't get me"! Granny took the doll back and insisted she was taking it to the charity shop so a girl who appreciated it could have it.

I can't bear to be in the company of children who are allowed to be rude and behave badly. I would have taken the gift back and told him that if he didn't want it then my own grandchildren would play with it instead as I have no intention of wasting my money on him... and until his behaviour improved then we did not want to continue to spend any time in his company ...and I would make sure his grandmother heard this.

I definitely object to some of the comments here. Children are children and as such, are still learning and it is up to all of us to model behaviour.
Do not take it at face value. Sometimes children behave in this way because they are unsure. Maybe the child had never tried a jigsaw before and hence did not want to lose face. Very few children of that age actively dislike dinosaurs. In this situation, with any child, my own GD/Ss included, I would engage with the child. Picking up the present I might say. ‘What a shame, we love jigsaws don’t we X? Do you like dinosaurs? This jigsaw looks really hard – it’s got x number of pieces. I think I would need help with that. Shall we all give it a go?’ Twist the conversation round to your own ends or try a different tact. You are the adult! Once you have established a rapport, address the behaviour. ‘X chose that especially for you. Do you think it was kind to say you were going to throw it in the bin? I would hate it if someone did that to me! Do you think it would be a good idea to say sorry?’ The majority of children would act positively to this approach.
I am probably teaching many gransnetters to suck eggs but I will never condemn and give a ‘wide berth’ to a four year old!

minimo

Being mindful if the fact that you are now friends with this lady, coukd you possibly arrange to meet her for coffee when neither of you have your GS?
You coukd then explain that, much as you'd like to keep up the friendship, you don't feel comfortable with the way her GS speaks to her, nor his dreadful remark when given the birthday present.
You fear that if such behaviour goes unchecked in front of YOUR GS, it will confuse his perception of acceptable behaviour and you certainly don't want that.
Suggest that you meet as friends on another day.
I definitely think it's unacceptable and wouldn't expose my GC or GGC to anything like that.
Good luck.

Apologies for sp errors. I was having a coughing fit. ?

Even children with autism need boundaries. If this is the problem.

I'm sure that wherever other peoples children are involved there is always an element of "If he/she was mine...!"
It certainly was the case when I was a young mum, and friends visited and bought their naughty children to play with my 'angel'

This behavior over the present is part of the child's general behavior, shouting at his grand mother etc.

He sounds an angry unhappy child, does he resent being left with his GM. Is he worried about something that is happening at home or starting school. Children are happier in parenting where there are boundaries. Is bad behavior the only way he can get attention,

I feel the parent would benefit from professional help and a parenting course. Maybe the grandmother could find some guidance online or a book from the library.

Obviously your friend doesn't believe in ' my house my rules'.

Very negative to talk about this child being a monster for life when some help at this stage could turn him into a happy child,

If you feel you want to say something, you could say to the other Gm something like " I'm sorry your Gs didn't like the present we brought, unfortunately my Gs was quite upset about it". She might say she had words with him afterwards. You could tell your Gs that the boy had been very rude and was told off later.

Manners should certainly be taught....and bad behaviour addressed. This is not a good influence on your granddaughter, who sounds a sweet sensitive little girl. I think I would have to have a quiet word with this child's gran.She must be aware what this child is like. Maybe because he is not her child she feels or is not allowed to correct him. No one however old would call me names like this child is her. If he doesn't respect his nan (or mother) no other female will stand a chance as he grows up!