substance and alcohol abuse

icanhandthemback, your post shows true understanding of this cruel illness. It was I who suggested my daughter saw a GP for her depression and anxiety , it was he who recommended she try relaxing in the evening with a glass of wine , so she did not start social drinking, she started drinking to relax, as advised .

It's very harsh to say there's a choice in addiction as if the person suffering and, they do suffer, is in a rational frame of mind to make that choice. My marriage was destroyed by my late husband's drinking but I know now why he was drinking and it breaks my heart over and over again that he was desperately internally fighting the effects of childhood abuse in the worst possible sense and that drinking helped him to switch off his head from the vile memories. I agree that substances become physiologically addictive but if your emotions are beyond painful and a substance stops that pain and eases the screaming inside what do you do? Heartfelt sympathies to all on here who have suffered the effects of addiction.

Nonna, they can be dangerous can't they, thank God you didn't take her advice . I am so sorry you were robbed of a carefree childhood but happy to learn you have a happy marriage. X

Can any of us - non-addicts, recovering addicts or addicts - know what it's like to be someone else at their lowest ebb. There are times when I wonder why more people don't hide/escape in a bottle (pills or alcohol), food or gambling, as I assume it means for a little while you don't have to think about your worries.

But what is the answer, if a substance is killing you?
There is only one answer, regardless of the reasons why, regardless of anything else.

Patricia I too cannot agree that the torment of this illness is a choice , your poor husband was so tortured , it is good that you hold the thoughts you have of his suffering ,be so easy for you to dismiss his suffering

Humbertbear - you said something really worth thinking about. You said you wished you'd joined a support group for relatives - so important to help relatives feel not alone, and realise that they have choices. Some choices may look as if they will help the addict, but actually play into their pattern of addiction. As others have said, it is not your fault that someone close to you is an addict, but it is such a hard thing to have in your life. I know AA has groups for teenagers and adults close to alchaolics. I guess there are other support groups , for instance for partners of gambling addicts.

If only it was that simple MissAdventure the substance changes their personality ,it turned my sister from a bright happy woman with a heart of gold into a liar and yes a thief,she stole from our parents and her sisters and even her children to get her booze.Regardless of the effort we all put in over 25 years to help her and the hurt she KNEW she caused she kept drinking ...in her case because she was married to the man who started her drinking and in the beginning insisted she keep up with him drink for drink.HE was the main obstacle to getting her sober ,but whatever we thought of him she saw something in him that was essential to her and she wouldn't leave him.It broke all our hearts and I'm convinced was a factor in our fathers early death ...followed by her own .Its easy to stand on the outside and pontificate about something you haven't experienced.Not so easy when its killing someone you love and ruining lives all around her .I wish there was an easy answer ,we can only hope ...and Annie pray .

You have first-hand knowledge Anniebach?

Perhaps there isn't an answer MissAdventure , the post claiming most doctors say it is not an illness just reminds me most doctors said Valium was the cure for anxiety and thousands became addicted, Prosac was the miracle cure for depression, it certaintly cured those who were driven to suicide by taking it. Saying it is cured simply by making a decision to stop is not the answer . My daughter cut herself to cause pain when she was 'dry' , she didn't crave alcohol, she craved peace , finally found it in the river.

AL Anon for friend/srelatives of alcoholics

I lost a brother 15 years ago to drug and alcohol abuse, plus I have worked in Courts and Prisons, and seen the direct result of the damage done by addicts ..... to themselves, to their families, to society in general. I have seen the hard work that goes into attempting to rehabilitate, I have seen many success stories but sadly many more failures. So now I do admit to struggling to have sympathy for addicts. Everyone is educated now to drug and alcohol dangers, but so many still choose to go down that road instead of looking for alternative help. But that at times is trying to apply logic where there is none. I don’t have any answers, but do feel that penalties should be harsher... let’s face it, whatever society is doing, it is not working. I just have made sure that my kids and grandkids were 100% aware of all the horrors that I have witnessed over the years ... human beings reduced to rabid dogs, so desperate for the next fix. It’s heartbreaking and I have seen parents breaking their hearts not knowing where to turn, others just have to turn their backs on their kids, not being able to cope any more. Not many addicts take responsibility for their actions either, there is always something or someone else to blame .... it’s a tragic situation for everyone who has had to deal with this in their lives.

I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol and never have been. I did like food and eating out from chippy tea to fine dining. I also liked cosmetics. I liked to use soap and shampoo. I also used creams lotions and potions.
At a point in my life I became ill and eventually a diagnosis was found.
The result is that I can not do normal things like eat, use soaps etc etc. When the diagnosis was given to me I had to stop all those things instantly. For a couple of years now I have not been able to live a normal life. I also have to be careful when interacting with other people.
I do not consider that I am some sort of perfect person I just had to change my life instantly and I did. As much as I would love to eat normal food I just must not.
If addicts can not see what they are doing to themselves and those who love them even when it is pointed out to them there needs to be a very stringent method of dealing with the problem. At some point in time an alcoholic chose to have that first drink (and many more). Equally drug addicts chose to take drugs. I did not chose to be ill or for this to be the outcome.

Coconut, you have just spoken the words which have made me want to vomit, my daughter was not a rabid dog, Paddyann's sister was not a rabid dog, NanaMacGeek's son is not a rabid dog. it is the attitude of people like you who make the fight against addiction even more difficult

Oh I'm not suggesting its easy paddy. For some, like your sister, its impossible.
My friends daughter was a heroin addict, who gave up, and now drinks.
She has support workers, a family who love her, but she is in a terrible way. Legs and abdomen swollen up, eyes yellow, and sounds almost brain damaged. And yet, the minute she stops for a week or two and the swelling goes down, she is anxious to go home, back to alcohol.

My son was addicted to prescription painkillers via an NHS pain clinic. The prescribing consultant left suddenly and his support was withdrawn, he began to self medicate and living in Bristol, which is like a drug / alcohol open sewer, it wasn't long before he almost died. Three times in fact.

He tells me he knows he is loved.

I resent the counsellors sticking their noses in and giving their version of events. I have no respect for counsellors they are just quacks and make as much money from dealing in distress as drug dealers do, sadly with less success.

My son is 6 months clean at the moment. Life is hard for him. I do what I can and accompany that with constant worrying about him.

Our lives are blighted by it, not just ours but his sister's too and various young women who have loved him.

It is more of an industry than an illness people are suckered in and then are customers of the 'cures'.

I would be happy if we started to shoot dealers as they are doing in some other countries, they have the deaths of so many on their hands.

It is all about money, just the same as alcohol is, ruthless people prey on the vulnerable and all of us experience vulnerability at times. One of my family lives a fabulous lifestyle, married to a director of a turf accountants, how many lives are ruined by gambling?

We none of us know the choices we will make when we are at a low point, being loved and clever and educated and talented, does not help my boy.

Because you do something you lose control over does not make it an illness, are mass murderers ill, are people who find it hard to control their sexual urges ill or shop lifters Some would say yes I guess, but I do personally think we all have to take responsibility for our first actions or choices in other words the first time we use a drug or a drink to solve a problem knowing it can take us down a difficult and deadly road I think we need to take the responsibility to not allow ourself to take that path in the first place. My teenage grandkids are surrounded by drugs they are even brought into high school they are at every party or disco they go to I talked to my grandson his answer I m not taking them I m too scared and it’s a mugs game, a contemporary of his 15 years old is now dealing
A counsellor should NEVER EVER tell someone what to do that is not what counselling is about it should simply be a talking/ listening service a safe place to discover where your head is at and discuss and discover ways out, totally led by the patient
The vast majority of alcoholics or drug addicts who seek help will not be successful if they continue living in the same environment with the same friends the successful ones and there can be good outcomes have to walk totally away from their familiar surroundings
Nonnie and Anniebach if you are sure that’s what the counsellor said and not the patients interpretation they should b e reported and hopefully struck off because that is that is unacceptable and not at all how counselling works

I take a Parkinson’s drug. I’m fine, but it can turn users into addicts. I was strongly warned about the risks. This drug alters one’s brain chemistry. If only there were a drug that worked the other way and blocked the brain’s desire to be addicted to alcohol, drugs etc. we wouldn’t be reading about these family tragedies.

Addiction may seem like something which addicts have control over, and to a certain extent this is true, but in psychodynamic terms we can see that all addiction stems from separation anxiety which has its roots in very early childhood and that is clearly NOT a problem caused by the child. The ability to manage that anxiety is the key to curbing additions of all kinds and therefore there is a need for the addict to submit to therapy in whatever form works best for him/her. I know it can be frustrating to watch someone repeatedly falling into the trap of returning to his/her addiction but that really is just a sign that the treatment isn't the right one.

What about addiction to food leading to obesity? I know very intelligent women in top jobs who are obese. Do you think they want to feel the shame of being fat? They are probably comfort eating through stress in jobs and private lives. They KNOW what they are doing to their bodies but it takes something to click on in their brain, an effort of will, call it what you want, for them to stop overeating. I feel compassion for them but lecturing and fat shaming won't help.

Addiction is NOT an illness.... it's just LMF .... or as my mum would say a 'lack of moral fibre'.... old fashioned view I know.... but all this new mollycoddling of these so called 'illnesses' just bloody riles me.

Seems the answer is no one takes that first drink, problem solved .

BlueBell, the person I spoke of was a dry alcoholic , had gone through recovery with A.A. and was recognised as such, these people are volunteers so no point in reporting him. I fear for anyone else he chooses to play God with.

As for warning our children about the dangers of alcohol, my daughter was 38 when the GP advised a glass of wine, a lovely person, so much love, laughter and caring for others, post natal depression and bang.

Saggi, your mother's attitude bloody riles me , but I suppose I need to be more understanding of ignorance of such matters

All addictive behaviours start with the decision to try that first cigarette, drink, drug, bet or even cream cake. Totally the individual's responsibility and I am sick of taxpayers' money being wasted on them when it could be used to reward those who choose to do the right thing.

Do tell quizqueen, are addicts born with a warning stamp on them? How does anyone know when they take a first drink they will become an addict. Or do you think, one morning they just decide - I want to become an addict?