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to get my AC to clear their old rooms?

(91 Posts)
Dontaskme Mon 26-Mar-18 10:58:33

They have both moved out, not that you'd notice as they both still have rooms full of stuff that they come back and look through for something and chuck everywhere. I'm not kidding when I say the rooms look like there has been and explosion and I'm so embarrassed and frustrated, even though no-one sees them. It is also all over the landings and up their stairs (multiple storey house) Its MY home and its driving me nuts. I gave them a deadline of the end of this month but nothing has happened. They go crazy if I go in their old rooms but aibu if, once the deadline has passed, I go in and bag their stuff up? I've told them that anything they want to keep can go in my loft, its not like I've even said they have to take it, although the amount of stuff they have will take most of the loft tbh. They don't pay rent for the rooms, never did, and have been gone for some time. What would you do and how did you get your AC rooms back?

Jalima1108 Mon 26-Mar-18 20:51:14

One DD is a hoarder (takes after my MIL!) - as long as it is hoarded at our house.
I really must toughen up and dispose of it all.

Grampie Tue 27-Mar-18 09:48:57

Sounds like it is time to downsize.

razzmatazz Tue 27-Mar-18 09:51:42

I gave mine a decline then told them I would take it to the tip if it wasn't collected . They knew me well enough to know I meant it . It was gone by the deadline . Say it and MEAN IT.

Missfoodlove Tue 27-Mar-18 09:53:43

I have sheds garages and loft space full of my children’s stuff.
However when my eldest moved flat recently we refused to take his excess.
He sent it via courier to his sister who hasn’t stopped whining!! Oh the irony.

Skweek1 Tue 27-Mar-18 09:55:18

My feeling is that you should tell them that they have 3 months or whatever timetable you feel realistic to remove all their stuff (including what is in your loft), or you will pack it all up, give anything valuable to a charity shop of your choice and then anything left will be put in a skip which you will charge them for. Point out that you are having a major declutter to clean out your home and remove all unwanted rubbish from your life. They won't like it, but tough!

Coconut Tue 27-Mar-18 09:57:51

I think many of us Mums are guilty of giving one last chance, then not following thro, and it sounds like your 2 are not taking you seriously. Personally I would go in there as you say and start boxing and labelling “ stuff” then tell them when you’ve done it, and it will all be in the loft, and give another deadline before you do put it in the loft. That way they have had adequate notice and know by then that you are serious. As others have said, they def need a reality check that they are not their rooms anymore .... unless of course they would like to pay you as a storage facility !

NotSpaghetti Tue 27-Mar-18 09:59:51

Personally I'd do what M0nica suggests. Just a box at a time. It would make you feel there was action and little by little they'd probably get used to the idea. That way you aren't making the choice about what is "worth" keeping. Maybe your deadline could be the start of your boxing up project?

HootyMcOwlface Tue 27-Mar-18 10:04:42

My two's rooms sound like yours Don't so I feel for you! I hate going in their rooms they are so messy. I have one at uni and the other lives a 3hours drive away in a rented room in a shared house (that's all he can afford) so looks like I'm stuck with mine for a bit yet. Once they have their own places I will do the same as you.

I'd send them a reminder then if they don't show up to clear it by your Saturday deadline, text to say you will be starting to clear on Monday, then text to say you've started and have a skip coming next Saturday (even if you haven't) that might get them moving! Good luck!

Saggi Tue 27-Mar-18 10:11:47

I gave my two ultimatums after they left home ...which I thought extremely liberal ...a whole year to sort what they wanted to take to their flats... what they DIDNT want kept and what went in he loft. Lift stuff was mostly stuff if theirs I wanted to keep; old school reports, certificates for sports and swimming ... pots they’d made me , cards they’d made and bought me. All sentimental stuff . There childhood games went into loft..which they have trolled through since and taken ‘othello’...’monopoly ‘.... ‘downfall’...kerplunk... connect 4....all have gone to daughters house for her kids.My son took his scalextric...his action men and jeeps! He’s got no kids have NO idea what’s going on there!!? Every other thing including bikes went to charity or dump! Neither of them looks back all the time...! Give you kids s final ultimatum and let them know you MEAN it! Then throw the lot in a skip or dump! You can only hang in to childhood for awhile ...then it’s time to cut the strings!

Nannymarg53 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:14:26

Ha ha! They’re keeping their options open aren’t they? I think MOnika has the right approach ?

ReadyMeals Tue 27-Mar-18 10:14:57

Box it up, and don't let them go through the boxes to find individual things. So they either leave it with you neatly boxed and untouched or they take it home to sort it there.

Witzend Tue 27-Mar-18 10:16:10

I must be in a minority of one here, but I don't mind keeping dds' stuff. We are still able to use their rooms - in fact I have two lots of guests arriving one after the other later this week.
Dd1 in particular has a lot less storage space than we do - her loft was converted into more bedrooms so that space is gone, they have no garage, and rooms are fairly small with not enough cupboards, and she has 2 very little dcs.

We were quite a bit younger than her and son in law when we were able to buy a bigger house with plenty of storage space - the relatively much higher cost of housing is certainly a factor here. Many of dds' contemporaries are living in smaller houses than their parents were able to buy at the same age or younger.

I should add that both dds know they are fortunate to have been able to buy their own homes at all.

Overthehills Tue 27-Mar-18 10:17:13

We downsized so they’re stuff had to go - they sorted it, decided what they wanted to keep and got rid of the rest. But - ducks behind sofa - I quite like having some of their stuff around. In moderation of course! wink

Overthehills Tue 27-Mar-18 10:17:41

Oops - their!

Teddy123 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:25:49

I can't remember how I did it but once they moved out, most of their their stuff did too! I think in your circumstances if they don't remove their stuff by the deadline, I would condense it into the smallest bedroom.
Then rethink your next step. I liked Monica's idea of taking a couple of boxes round to them every time you visit. Ok you'll be doing the work but at least it will be done. Good Luck

blueskies Tue 27-Mar-18 10:36:04

I suppose I am unusual in that I am happy to store my children and grandchildren's possessions until they are ready and are able to take them. I love the fact that they trust me to look after their stuff and I treasure memories I have of them. I am lucky to have the room I know but life is so short and isn't it wonderful to have family. Many don't.

Kim19 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:37:59

I have a few items of clothing for the son who lives far away and this saves him packing when he visits. He also admits to loving wearing ironed stuff when he is here! Other than that nothing belonging to my children but I did have a bit of angst with one over this matter. We're fine now and my house is mine with an ever open door for them but no items to be left behind - ever.

Silverlining47 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:42:36

It sounds very familiar! My adult children both worked abroad for a number of years so had left all their 'stuff' back at 'home'! Like Don't I felt uncomfortable going through their things (found boxes of letters and diaries that I peeked at and closed quickly...too much information!)
Eventually, over a number of visits it got reduced but we still ended up taking a box of my daughters stuff to France with us as I'd promised not to throw away some childhood treasures that she had no room to store. Ridiculous really but I didn't have the heart to threaten her with throwing them away.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 27-Mar-18 10:46:55

If rent has been charged and the occupants continuing to pay rent, although not living there, keep collecting the money. However this does not appear to be the case. Your good nature rent free storage is now at an end and they are ignoring you requests to move their property so you are within your rights to dump it. If their property is of value get hold of a charity who will be glad to have it and will collect free of charge. Let your 'lodgers' know of this. Alternately hire a skip to dispose of their property and advise them where it can be found.

David1968 Tue 27-Mar-18 10:53:48

I'm with Grampie - time to sell and move on?

ReadyMeals Tue 27-Mar-18 10:55:07

Some of the comments here are ignoring that the adult children in this particular case are not neatly storing their excess items with their parents, they are keeping their old rooms unusable by strewing their items around the rooms like they did when they lived there. It's not a case of storing a few neat boxes in the attic or a boxroom, which most of us end up doing happily.

Hello2U2 Tue 27-Mar-18 11:00:13

Am I the only one who misses my kids terribly? I cherish the things they have left behind, because that’s all I have of them left.
They aren’t “mine” any more, they are married and busy professionals, with kids of their own. I remember how busy I was at their age. My mum hardly came into my head, nor could I visit her regularly being 6 hours away. That was the days before mobile phone...even a phone until later. None the less, their rooms are still their rooms, now with the added addition of my grandchildren’s names on the doors.

That’s all I have to remind me of the very very happy days when my children were living with me, their mum and I cherish these memories. I’m never going to be downsizing, leaving this 5 bedroom house, purely because my husband never really lived in it all these 45 years he worked long, long hours. My darling dogs and cats are all buried in my back garden.

Yes, one room has a lifetime of memories in it, and each other room has memories. Some baby toys and memorable clothes, photos, books and other bits they left behind and I cherish everything. Their room will always be their room!

I’m hanging on to the past, I know, but it was a great past, and now I’m saving my grandchildren past. Guessing you all think I’m crazy, but when you live mikes away from your home town, no one to help you get out on your own, a husband who just slept in the house, that is the only comfort I have left....and one friend who has another 12 years before she retires!! I’m home alone now.

Witzend Tue 27-Mar-18 11:00:41

One thing we did get rid of recently was a mountain of soft toys in bin bags in the loft, though several old favourites are still there in their bedrooms - Gdcs enjoy them when they come.
However I am ridiculously sentimental about just chucking soft toys out! Given that friends' dogs used to like carrying them about, we thought of asking Battersea Dogs' Home, and yes, they were pleased to have them - as long as they weren't stuffed with polystyrene granules.

Exit Dh to Battersea Dogs' Home, with a couple of bin bags.
Obviously they'll be chewed up/chucked soon enough anyway, but at least they'll have served some sort of purpose first.
On similar vein, we also offloaded several old duvets to a Dogs' Trust centre not too far away. They are always glad to have such things.

GabriellaG Tue 27-Mar-18 11:03:17

My 5 AC took all their possessions, lock, stock and barrel, when they moved out without me having to ive deadlines, so I'm in the fortunate position of not having that problem. What I would say is that a month is adequate time for them to collect their stuff...ALL of it.
I wouldn't allow them to keep things in your attic as it uses space which you may need if not now, then in the future.
There's no need to justify anything or for them to point out that (perhaps) you have more room. They must manage their own possessions and clean out everything or else it gies to the tip or charity shop. Put it in writing or email and keep a copy.
Being a parent doesn't mean you'reca storage unit.
Be firm and give a day and time by which it ALL excuses.

GabriellaG Tue 27-Mar-18 11:04:47

*give, goes. Sorry.