Gransnet forums


to get my AC to clear their old rooms?

(91 Posts)
Dontaskme Mon 26-Mar-18 10:58:33

They have both moved out, not that you'd notice as they both still have rooms full of stuff that they come back and look through for something and chuck everywhere. I'm not kidding when I say the rooms look like there has been and explosion and I'm so embarrassed and frustrated, even though no-one sees them. It is also all over the landings and up their stairs (multiple storey house) Its MY home and its driving me nuts. I gave them a deadline of the end of this month but nothing has happened. They go crazy if I go in their old rooms but aibu if, once the deadline has passed, I go in and bag their stuff up? I've told them that anything they want to keep can go in my loft, its not like I've even said they have to take it, although the amount of stuff they have will take most of the loft tbh. They don't pay rent for the rooms, never did, and have been gone for some time. What would you do and how did you get your AC rooms back?

goldengirl Tue 27-Mar-18 18:53:14

DS has taken all his stuff but there is a cupboard of DD's bits and pieces. She has a small home with very little storage space so I'm not pushing her. Occasionally she comes and has a sort through and a reminisce which is rather nice really.
DH is the one who takes up every ounce of unused space!!! I think his mantra is: see a space; put something on it. It's that which drives me nuts more than DD's bits and pieces.

grannyjean09 Tue 27-Mar-18 19:05:20

If its scattered around like a bombsite then its reasonable to ask for it to be moved. My main childrearing rule was to never make a threat or a promise unless you intended to carry it out. If you are not consistent they take no notice. If it worries you that you might be throwing away stuff of value and you dont want them taking for granted that you will keep it forever in the loft - do you have an old shed or garage to put it in before the deadline. Somewhere damp, dirty or cold might trouble them and increase the speed of removal. I store selected stuff of value for my kids who have smaller homes with no storage, but this consists of cots, prams and childrens clothes and toys being kept for future babies and to be passed on later to next daughter. Dont forget to use Ebay. I have been amazed at how much some of my 'rubbish' sold for. Your rubbish could be treasure to someone on a low income who buys it from you. Good luck

ajanela Tue 27-Mar-18 19:43:20

Well you all seem to think giving a deadline and then getting rid of the stuff is the right answer.

I like g melon's idea of?
packing everything in one room

You don't want to use the space so what is the problem? how long have they been gone, 5 plus years and their own family home I understand. IF living in rented accomadation they may feel your home has lots of good memories and is still their home.

Think about it

Shizam Tue 27-Mar-18 19:48:53

Two rooms full of stuff here, too. Eldest didn’t even empty rubbish bin after he left! He also has room full of stuff at his dad’s. Youngest at university so willing to leave that. Eldest in rented accommodation. Once he’s more sorted will definitely say clear it up! But it’s a weird stage. They’ve gone, yet, not, esp youngest. Feel in limbo with it all. Don’t need all this stuff, or house this size for just me ....

Eloethan Tue 27-Mar-18 19:59:39

We do have a few bits and pieces belonging to our children but I think it is unreasonable to expect parents to store huge quantities of personal belongings.

Nankate How awful that your friend should feel so powerless in the face of a demanding daughter. Even if she didn't depend on her Mum socially and financially, I think she should have more respect and consideration for a parent.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 28-Mar-18 08:35:22

You are being quite reasonable, but if you want, you could e-mail your children telling them that your deadline is to be taken very seriously this time.

Point out that it is not only their old rooms that look like bomb-sites, but that their things are all over your stairs and landings and that you are not prepared to put up with this any longer.

Don't offer to store anything for them. Tell them anything left after your deadline will be thrown out.

Why should you go to the trouble of packing their stuff and lugging it up to your attic? I don't somehow see them coming to help.

There are plenty of storage facilities now-a-days if they really want to keep all this stuff. If you store it, you will have a problem if you ever want to move.

goose1964 Wed 28-Mar-18 09:28:24

same problem here I'd hire a skip but DH won't throw anything out

Margs Wed 28-Mar-18 11:21:24

If you have a garage then I suggest you stuff their junk into black rubbish bags and dump it in there.

Let it get damp and mildewed - that'll teach them! After all, they are effectively living in their own places and yours as well - bloody nerve of them.

HillyN Wed 28-Mar-18 12:41:17

My two DDs have been married for 11 years and 3 years and have their own homes. I still have their wedding dresses hanging up in the spare bedroom. They say they haven't got anywhere to keep them but they take up an awful lot of room! Part of the problem is the cost of having them cleaned and boxed. Having read this thread I wonder if it's time to issue a deadline for their removal?

Grammaretto Thu 29-Mar-18 08:38:47

Maybe the only answer is to move house. I have tried to get shot of their stuff for the past 20 years and instead my DD has completely taken back "her" room as a pied de terre whenever she pleases. I don't really mind and keep it fairly tidy so that friends of ours can stay there too. It's filled with cot, car seats, spare nappies and high chair now so a bit of a squeeze. Her older brother, who lives abroad, said he would clear out his stuff and eventually did so reluctantly with a rather bad grace - it was mostly old videos and home made tapes. I think they want you to love their things like you kept their prize essays and woodwork trophies. Love me, love my stuff!!!

NanKate Sun 01-Apr-18 07:15:24

I hope you had a positive response Dontaskme. You are now in a position to reclaim your house for yourself. Be brave and do it.

alchemilla Sat 28-Apr-18 17:09:14

OP have they removed their stuff? or did you have to? hope your house is now clear a month after you posted .....

Dontaskme Sun 29-Apr-18 13:53:54

alchemilla it was an epic fail! Something super important came up for both of the AC every time they weren't at work, like having to meet a friend, have a sleep in, cook for PIL, walk the neighbours dog - you name it, so many excuses which they called reasons why they couldn't come over and clear their stuff. I went ballistic and bunged their crap in bags willy nilly, which I then launched into the loft where several landed and burst, open but did I care? We hope to move in a year or two and if it hasn't been taken by then in the skip it will all go. They never do anything when I ask them so shouldn't have been surprised. My fault entirely as I was too easy going when they were growing up, which tbh made my life at times a bit not-quite-how-I-expected. My advice to any new parent - be firm, MAKE them do as you say when you say it and don't take any nonsense. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Stansgran Sun 29-Apr-18 14:28:41

Every time one of them visited me they were given something to take back. Every time I visited I took something. This was when they had their own homes. If we were going to stay then we took massive suitcases ,minimum clothes for us but full of their junk.

annep Sat 09-Jun-18 05:37:33

Dontaskme I wouldnt give up yet. I would take the stuff in the car and be assertive. I would not leg them off with it They'll respect you more.