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To hope for help from husband?

(79 Posts)
Ukulele28 Tue 10-Apr-18 12:14:04

I'm fed up with having to check DH pockets before doing washing. Over the years I have found many items ranging from screw drivers, money to a full wallet. Today I forgot to check and now have to wash everything again, as there was tissue in one of his shirt pockets.
We've had a dishwasher for about 10yrs. DH usually leaves his dirty crockery/cutlery next to the sink, even though I ask him to put it in the dishwasher.
If I'm lucky he'll do that but literally throws everything in. I then have the job of reloading before washing.
I know these are little things but I find them annoying, AIBU.

silverlining48 Tue 10-Apr-18 20:03:01

I am with grandma 70s and of the firm belief that undomesticated men need to be trained in cooking and all household jobs as early as possible into the relationship. If you miss this opportunity all may be lost and you are forever tied to your kitchen sink while they are tied to the sofa asking about when the next cup of tea is arriving.
Happy days!

Grammaretto Tue 10-Apr-18 20:21:07

I always hope for improvement. When he says he'll wash up and tidy the kitchen, I still believe him. I want to believe him but after nearly 50 yrs if marriage you'd think I'd know I have to do it all again to my standards. He means well but I don't think he notices anything.

Like some of you, I harvest cash from pockets and bathroom floor.
His mother did warn me about him. She said she had to dress him until he was almost grown up.

There you go ukelele. Yours isn't the worst.

allsortsofbags Tue 10-Apr-18 20:48:13

In our house we are both guilty of putting things in the washer with stuff in the pockets. To be fair both of us check pockets but we do suffer from thinking the other one has done the check. So annoying when stray things damage laundry though.

However, when it comes to the dishwasher !!! Since OH has retired he is firmly of the belief that I am incapable of loading the DW lol.

I just don't know how I managed when he was working away for years. Ha Ha.

Oh well one less job for me to do now :-)

aggie Tue 10-Apr-18 20:56:00

Well OH used to load the dishwasher , vacuum , hang up washing , he still offers. I have a new hip and can do most things now smile , just as well since he can't even feed himself. I have to pretend he has other things to do while I stagger about doing what I can ... life changes so quickly

Cabbie21 Tue 10-Apr-18 21:08:36

We are on a losing battle here.
But I am grateful that DH opens bottles and jars as my grip is poor, and that he fixes things, especially my computer.(thanks Rufus).

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 11-Apr-18 09:49:38

It's annoying having to check pockets but it has to be done. I expect mummy did that for him before he left home and now it's your turn!
I'm widowed and so I've only got my own pockets to check but no matter how careful I am from time to time I miss one of my own tissues. Grrh!

Barmeyoldbat Wed 11-Apr-18 10:04:05

No problem with my dishwasher as my husband does them by hand. I cook, he washes.

Coconut Wed 11-Apr-18 10:04:37

Long established practises are the hardest to change ! Remember that Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars ! We have all been trying to figure them out for years. Pick your battles tho, presume he has lots of good qualities as you are still with him !

Humbertbear Wed 11-Apr-18 10:05:05

Tell him anything you find in his pockets is yours or simply stop checking. He won’t want to keep replacing lost cards

paperbackbutterfly Wed 11-Apr-18 10:16:42

I've washed and tumble dried OH watch twice this year as he didn't take it out of his pocket. On both occasions it was my fault for not checking!

Teetime Wed 11-Apr-18 10:22:08

DH is currently doing everything as I am hors de combat. He is making a good if at times funny job of his tasks. There is currently a lot of banging going on from the kitchen where he says he is giving it a good scrub!!! His cooking is a nightmare but without him doing all this I couldn't have had my operation so I am doing my best to be a good patient patient.

fluff Wed 11-Apr-18 10:26:18

Do you know, I was feeling grumpy about something similar the other day, and then it occured to me ... all the kind and helpful things he does for me, are these little issues really worth bothering about? My mother used to like to point out all his annoying little habits to me and it used to cause quite a bit of strife between us, well we moved further away to get a bit of space ... I see a lot less of her and we are still happily married , these little things only become big things if you let them. She recently said that she would like to come and live with us ..... well that's not happening neither of us need a nag in our lives!

Teetime Wed 11-Apr-18 10:32:32

He's hovering and dusting round me now and told me he's cleaned the small freezer and I shouldn't have put a packet of ham in it - shouldn't I?

Nitpick48 Wed 11-Apr-18 10:37:48

Google Michael McIntyre sketch “doing the bare minimum” and show him

Nanny41 Wed 11-Apr-18 10:41:40

Mine does empty his pockets but I still check.The dishwasher is another matter, I usually put it on and mostly empty it, but sometimes leave it open to be emptied I suggested we emptied it every other time,that was NOT popular, but it did sink in and occasionally he might empty it when it isnt "his turn" big deal! Training takes a long time at our age, so never give up.Good luck all GN ladies and gentlemen.

Grampie Wed 11-Apr-18 10:55:45

Not only must I empty my pockets I must also undo my shirt buttons if I do not want torn button holes or shredded paper or holes in the pockets of my washed clothes!

We only use our dishwashing machine when we have visitors so I wash the previous day's dishes the old-fashioned way when I am making my darling wife's morning cup of tea.

She puts the drained crocks and gobblin' rods away while making our toast for breakfast.

Rosina Wed 11-Apr-18 11:30:37

We have had several 'discussions' about leaving tissues, shirt collar stiffeners, screws and coins in clothing, not to mention the rolled up sleeves on shirts. However, after the machine had to be repaired when a collar stiffener got into the works, and several shirts were washed, dried and ironed after a fashion with the sleeves still rolled up, the message did seem to filter through. He does try - without one single domesticated bone in his body. I blame his mother for not making a better job of training, and myself for taking over where she left off and carrying on in the same vein. My DS is capable of doing everything.

Sheilasue Wed 11-Apr-18 11:37:17

So annoying and isn’t it. Where did we go wrong..?

keffie Wed 11-Apr-18 11:47:41

Ukele with respect be glad you have him, for all his little ways that drive you mad. One day you will wish he was still here driving you mad. My husband was only 60 passed away suddenly just over 3 weeks ago. I wish he was still here driving me mad with all those little ways.

I always check pockets on everything before I wash anyway. I am not criticizing you. Just asking you to look at it from another angle. Life is too fragile to be sweating about the small stuff. It's not worth the energy. Oh yes that type of things drove me mad once. Now it isn't important

Aepgirl Wed 11-Apr-18 11:48:02

How I wish I had a husband or partner who I could tidy up after.

JackyB Wed 11-Apr-18 11:58:21

My DS1 had to teach his wife to check the pockets before washing. She had been brought up by aunts and grannies and didn't have much idea about housework. To this day she has never ironed anything. If DS wants a shirt ironing, he does it himself.

I'm glad I brought them up like that. But changing DH's habits? Probably not. Old dog, new tricks and all that.

I groaned as I left home this morning and heard he had switched on the dishwasher. That means he'll be emptying it later, whilst I'm still at work and I shall come home to find half the contents draped around the kitchen and the rest in the wrong drawer!

LuckyFour Wed 11-Apr-18 12:10:49

I don't have a dish washer but only two of us so no problem. I've asked DH many times to put dishes in sink to soak before washing up later but he doesn't. Consequently, if I wash up, any debris has dried and they need a scrub, if he washes up there is dried debris on the plates and breakfast bowls and they need washing again!!! Scream!

LuckyFour Wed 11-Apr-18 12:13:10

Apologies to all Gransnetters who have lost husbands or partners. I shouldn't moan about the small stuff, he's not a bad old stick.

JanetAnn Wed 11-Apr-18 12:18:07

I shrunk a couple of my OHs expensive woollen jumpers, accidentally of course, now he does hits own washing, result.

tonibolt Wed 11-Apr-18 12:46:21

Mine is an absolute non-starter with anything domestic. I accepted years ago that he wasn’t going to change, after many attempts in the early years just caused rows, and the only person left upset was me. No, it isn’t particularly fair or right IMO, but he is very good in lots of other ways, so on the occasions it still niggles a bit, I just remind myself of his goid points, and let it go.