Gransnet forums

AIBU

Swearing

(126 Posts)
Vanatic Sat 02-Jun-18 15:40:53

Just had the longest meeting yet with my potential future son in law. They've been together about 18 months.
He seemed to think it ok to swear as if he was with his mates. He apologised beforehand as he was just recounting his mates words but I can't help but thinking that someone in their twenties shouldn't be be talking like that to someone in their sixties!
I don't think I have ever uttered those words to my kids, let alone them to me.
Dread to think what his parents would think if my daughter did the same

minesaprosecco Sat 02-Jun-18 15:56:56

Why was he telling you what his mates said? If it was part of the story I can't see what the problem is with the swearing. But then, I'm a real potty mouth myself so couldn't judge anyone elsegrin

Vanatic Sat 02-Jun-18 16:11:41

I think I've just been brought up not to swear and felt very uncomfortable. I've had friends before who thought it ok but when it's your future mil, it's just reinforced my previous thoughts about him

LynneB59 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:32:26

I was brought up with 3 older brother who swore (our parents didn't though), and then I've had 2 sons of my own. We all swear in the house, but never in front of grandchildren or anyone else's kids. We don't swear when we're in a restaurant or somewhere like that.

Swearing doesn't offend me at all - it's all just words. The actions of some people offend me far more.

None of my family has ever committed a crime, been sacked from a job (or been unemployed), or been short of friends. We are, as a family, polite, considerate, generous and kind - those are the things that matter to me

Oldwoman70 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:40:27

If he was recounting a story and had apologised for the language before hand then I don't see the problem. Does he swear in normal conversation?

Swearing doesn't offend me as such but I do get a bit fed up of those people who seem to swear every other word - it's almost as if they don't realise they are swearing and it is a lazy way to express yourself.

silverlining48 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:41:49

Vanatic am with you on this. I don’t like swearing, there’s generally no need for it, especially when meeting future mother in law. Would ask what your daughter thought assuming she was there. .?

maryeliza54 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:48:46

If he apologised before and said he was re out I g his mates words, what’s the problem? If on the other hand, he’s visiting and you ask him if he’d like a-cup of tea and he replies ‘ I don’t f***ing mind if I do’ then that’s a different matter altogether - context is all.

maryeliza54 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:54:45

Sorry for gobbledygook ‘repeating his mates words’ of course. My husband once came home from a cricket match and repeated with all the swear words what a group of young men sat behind him had been recounting about a brush they had had with the law. In context it was really funny

Baggs Sat 02-Jun-18 16:54:52

You're an adult, vanatic. Deal with it. It hasn't done you any harm. Feeling uncomfortable is normal.

Besides, as you say, he was quoting someone else.

There is swearing in Shakespeare.

Baggs Sat 02-Jun-18 16:55:51

I bet what you're really saying is that you don't like him.

maryeliza54 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:57:26

Baggs 😄

sodapop Sat 02-Jun-18 16:59:58

Yes I had that feeling too Baggs I think as he apologised in advance and was recounting another conversation there was no offence intended.

maryeliza54 Sat 02-Jun-18 16:59:59

And don’t say a word to your dd- it can be a short move from ‘I don’t like it when he swears when he’s here’ to her saying ‘well we won’t bother coming then if that’s how you feel’

BlueBelle Sat 02-Jun-18 17:09:03

Me too Baggs and Sodapop
Swearing especially if it’s quoting and apologised for shouldn’t be any problem I wouldn’t look for reasons to dislike him Of course if he swore at you or your daughter that would be a whole different ball game

winterwhite Sat 02-Jun-18 17:23:49

I agree with you Vanatic, and if it were me I wouldn’t like him for that reason alone, esp if the swearing wasn’t an essential part of the conversation he was reporting. No matter what language he uses when with his mates, he wasn’t with them then, and his behaviour towards you shows a certain lack of social awareness, which would bother me. On the other I agree about not mentioning it to your daughter.

jenpax Sat 02-Jun-18 18:13:51

LynneB59 Not everyone who loses their job or becomes unemployed is at fault as your comment seemed to imply! I deal daily with employers who sack people because they don’t want to pay redundancy and so make spurious excuses to avoid having to do so and people who have lost their jobs because employers are going bust and end up unemployed!

Dontaskme Sat 02-Jun-18 18:35:49

What's up with being in your 60's - you're making it sound as though you're Victorian Royalty!
Get over yourself and just admit the poor bloke never stood a chance as you obviously just don't like him. After 18 months I take it you've met him before so is this how he usually speaks, or just when he was recounting a story?
He apologised beforehand. If you didn't like it at the time you should have said "sorry but I don't like that kind of language" and put a stop to it there and then, not come on here and moan about him after the event.
I feel sorry for him.

gillybob Sat 02-Jun-18 18:41:11

If on the other hand, he’s visiting and you ask him if he’d like a-cup of tea and he replies ‘ I don’t f***ing mind if I do

I’ve just wasted a perfectly good mouthful of Prosecco reading that MaryEliza grin

KatyK Sat 02-Jun-18 18:44:07

I hate swearing. To some people it's natural and partt of their every day vocabulary which is fine for them and fine for anyone who doesn't mind. My father was an abusive, violent, alcoholic. He language in front of us young children in the house was horrendous. I assume this is where my loathing of foul language comes from.

petra Sat 02-Jun-18 19:08:57

Dontaskme
Victorian Royalty Love it.
It's the daughter I feel sorry for.

annodomini Sat 02-Jun-18 19:11:04

If he apologised in advance for what he was about to repeat he was aware of your probable sensitivity. Surely you'd have thought even less of him if he hadn't warned you that he was about to utter something inappropriate. He evidently meant no offence and none should be taken. Time to enter the 21st Century!

Falmer Sat 02-Jun-18 19:14:46

it's just reinforced my previous thoughts about him What were your previous thoughts about him Vanatic? I feel there's only part of the story here?

Luckygirl Sat 02-Jun-18 19:15:31

Can't see the problem myself.

petra Sat 02-Jun-18 19:22:29

I'm sure I'm not the only one who saw the story of Judy Dench telling the paramedic where to go when he asked her if she had a carer.

pollyperkins Sat 02-Jun-18 19:41:30

I'm with you Vanatic. Unnecessary and tactless (not to say offensive) in front of prospective parents in law. I wouldn't like it. Let's hope your DD gave him a ticking off afterwards. But I wouldn't mention it!