Swearing

I am with Falmer. I think you are just looking for faults because you don't like him. I see you making trouble for this couple and feel very sorry for your daughter.

You say in your 60's as if that is old.

His parents would most likely feel like others here that it was ok as he was repeating a story. They most likely feel sorry for him having a disapproving mil to be and very angry you should be so be so critical that you feel the need to share it on gransnet.

This is your future family, please try to make him welcome to your family for your daughter's sake or you won't be a welcome member of their family. Or is your plan to hope she finds someone more suitable to your taste.

merlotgran
A colleague of mine teaching on an access course for degree students used to use a sentence very like 'yours' (above) in English lessons to make the group think about the difference between nouns, adjectives and verbs - and the reasons why communication might be clearer if more precise words were used. They were all mature students, so it tended to get their attention.

I was fifteen the last time I swore! I came out with the f word at school and another girl said "I never expected you to swear". It made me think, and I decided not to use those words again. So, Edith O'Brien, thanks!

Baggs..... I have thought about it.........wrong on every level, in my opinion, which is mine and not to be rammed down the throat of others. I have never felt the need to use a swear word as emphasis and they have no meaning apart from showing a coarseness of character. Are we all happy then to use the c word in every day speech?

What’s folks opinion of omg, but said properly, don’t say it loads but get row at sons house if say it in front of them but especially the kids. So now come out with some weird stuff and always different from oh dear me to magari ( an Italian word ) and all else between ?

Families are very different in their attitudes to use of language. Could be the young man comes from a more liberal family. My family was very uptight, to the extent that I was told off for swearing when I exclaimed "Good gracious!" The consequence is that I and my brothers swear like troopers with each other, although never in front of children, the elderly, patients, clients, customers or people we don't know. Context is all!

I absolutely detest swearing - let's just call it bad language. It is quite unnecessary as we have a beautiful, colourful language. I also object when we are told that a TV programme may contain 'offensive language' - which is exactly what it is.

I'm a swearer, it's just a formation of letter that make a word. I don't swear AT people in an abusive way (very very occasionally I suppose) and I don't swear infront of grandkids.
It doesn't sound like he meant to offend you but you clearly already have decided not to like this man. Has he done something? Treated your daughter badly?
If your daughter is going to marry this guy he will be part of your family. You will isolate your daughter if you continue with this dislike/disdain. I really hope you don't push your daughter into a corner where she decides to cut you off.
Good luck OP

Annodomini . It may be the 21C but who makes the rules we should all accept what comes out of another persons mouth. We are not the 'parrot' specie with no choice other than to repeat what we hear.

Fair enough but I don’t have a wig

Worrying about swearing is a shallow thing. There are far more important things to consider, Does he love your daughter? Does he make her happy? Does he treat her well? My SILs and my DS all swear like troopers ( as do my daughter!) Wouldn't change them for the world. And you are in your 60s. Not your dotage!

Well I don’t know about anyone else ( and you may not want to say) but ime the variety of words available for describing sexual intercourse are very context dependent - ‘fuck’ can somtimes really describe a great experience as can ‘making love’ at other times

Oops should have added

Sometimes, such as when you stub your toe, drop something breakable, or some idiot in front of you nearly causes a car crash, then I'm sorry, but only a few damn good curse words will do!

Ah the morally superior. Feck em all, I say.

I don't think I'm morally superior!! Just prudish I expect (according to DH and DD. It's just the way I waz brung up! I can't help not liking swearing and hate to hear it but I'm not condemning anyone else, just giving my point of view. ..

Swearing is part of daily life now. My dh and I swear at home and he swears more then me but he is 76 and suffering with a lot of pain with arthritis. He never swore when he was younger only at work he was a builder so it was normal I suppose. I swear when I am frustrated and angry, but never in public.

I don't like swearing, but admit that at times a good "f**k" is all that will do (the word, not the action )

I work in an environment where swearing, whilst not common, it not uncommon either. I never swear at work.

Except once. I can't even remember what prompted it now, but I did use the F word. A deathly hush fell over the office and someone said "oh wow - you must be really angry, because I've NEVER heard you swear before!".

And they've never heard it since.

What "worries" me now is the way that F has become a commonplace, everyday word. So now that it has moved into common parlance, those who need to use a word to shock and offend have moved onto using the revolting C word. I am hearing and reading this more and more, and it utterly makes me cringe.

I wonder what word will become the next one to be used to shock and offend, once the C word takes over from the F word as perfectly acceptable in conversation and in mixed company. I dread to think.

I think the OP has had a bit of a rough ride here. For HER, that use of the language was offensive. So being told to basically put up and shut up is very rude, in my opinion. It sound like she's being told that her feelings are not valid.

I do agree that in this case however, context was everything, and if she had felt, when warned ahead of him using the word, that she didn't want to hear it, she could have politely asked him not to use it. The fact that he apologised in advance indicates to me that he is quite considerate of others' feelings so would likely have found another way to relate the tale.

But as has also been pointed out, she clearly doesn't like him anyway, so I suspect he'd be damned if he did, damned if he didn't.

Maryeliza- yes, nothing wrong with literal use!
Lollee- no, derogatory use of a part of the female body.
Jenpax- yes, very insensitive to anyone with employment issues.
Lynne- Your attitude to job problems and your wording sound like relics of the 1950s

OP- I have used words which might upset you in poems either for emphasis or quoting someone. However when reading I judge my audience and do not deliberately shock. I am far too rapidly approaching my 80s if that is relevant.

Love the emphatic fenland tractor driver!

I swear occasionally. It is great for shock value if carefully used. Like HurdyGurdy says people know you are really angry.
If he apologised and he was just telling a story I think you should try to be more understanding. As to what his DPs would think if your DD did the same, they might be more liberal and your DD might surprise you as to the extent of her knowledge and usage of language. My DSs can all swear when they choose to, but moderate their language when they are with people they know will be shocked,

Oh WTF! .... get a life ... poor lad

Spot on !

I swear a lot but as a grown up am socially aware and aware of my audience, ie at home v the bridge club. It's basic respect.
When meeting future MIL I went out of my way to be nice to her and we got on really well. We were very close in time but I always respected her and treated her as Id like my DH to treat my mother.
There's more background to OP's post. Relating a story is one thing but honestly, maybe he shouldn't have bothered. Maybe you need to know each other well and be more comfortable together to be very open.

Isn't it strange how all the folk who think it is ok add the rider ' but we don't in front of the children'. Well if it is so ok and part and parcel of our language why not in front of the children? Because deep down you must know it's not ok, just like smoking, drugs and heavy drinking is not ok in front of kids.
I do slip out a swear word occasionally and one day relating something on phone to my son i did so. His shock was palpable (even though he and his brother swear), he even said mum i am shocked, never heard you say that word before. At end of conversation he mentioned it again and said how it had made him feel really shaken. So it just goes to show, even swearers accept that it can be an affront.

PS my oldest son reminded his then girlfriend, now wife, not to swear whilst waiting for me to answer the door for our first meeting. However, she is lovely and i have never heard her swear.