AIBU to expect a gift?

I would be upset if it had not been pre agreed that birthdays were no longer going to be marked! It seems to me that your husband probably forgot til the last minute and then tried to make it sound like a decision. I would tell him that while a present wasn’t essential no meal out to celebrate nor a night off from cooking at home! Would have marked the day! A cake even a mini one would have been nice.
I would suggest that you lay this thought out calmly and clearly and see his response.

It is our 59th Wedding Anniversary today. I came down to a hand drawn card this morning. I have not done a card.
I will make up for it next year if we both survive.

We have agreed not to give each other a present, just a card! The key here is that we made a mutual decision whereas your husband has just made a decision on his own with no discussion and no shared agreement!

Skip subtle .... men often don’t get that ! So come straight out and say things like ‘ I felt hurt I didn’t get a card from you ( I don’t care if they’re a waste of £2.50 lol) . Come right out and say , ‘ I’d like a token to remind me how long we’ve been together- doesn’t have to be expensive !

Madgran is right , it’s only ok if you decide this together. So time to lay your cards on the table !

Its my anniverary today and I got a card, box of chocs and a ladybird windmill for the garden!!!! lol. Got to love 'em

I've been married for 38 years, and on 4 occasions only, my husband has bought me flowers. He's never booked anything, done anything romantic, etc. I have got used to the fact that he isn't like that. It was both our birthdays in April. He got me a card, nothing else. I got him a few presents and arranged a meal out. That's the way he is - he's always been a very hard worker and a great provider, tells me he loves me, so I accept his lack of spontaneity

Luckily, my adult sons are more thoughtful.

We don't do gifts at Christmas and birthdays, exception being our 70ths. We give each other cards at every occasion and that is fine.
I don' t need lavish gifts to know DH cares for me, he shows me in every single minute of every day.

We mostly agree not to buy presents for each other because we are in the fortunate position of being able to purchase most things we'd like as, and when, we fancy. However my OH is prone to buying surprises for me when it is not my birthday or Valentine's or an anni which is lovely. We tend to go out for celebratory meals these days rather than exchanging presents.

For Christmas we agree together a nice treat to do together ...maybe a meal on a special restaurant we fancy or go to a show we both fancy with a meal etc. One year it was an overnight stay in Brighton , lovely meal and seafront pottering! So no surprises but agreed together and fun

Flowers and a card ! Yes let him know

Go out and buy yourself something and tell him it's your birthday present as you didn't get anything from him. That's what I would do. Seems reasonable to me.

While you are buying your cake, buy some flowers too and put them in a prominent place to enjoy - and make a visual point that will last several days that he could have chosen them. However my OH is the same, his excuse/reason being that it is how he treats me all the time that is relevant hmmmmmmm?

From me - birthday greetings.
blossom14 Happy Anniversary

Forever the romantic, I bought my wife a set of Lecreuset pans and a canteen of cutlery for her 40th many years ago.
Over the years, if we want anything for our birthdays we tell the other but that doesn't happen very often.

We agreed we'd just make it a gesture to show we'd remembered. So it's pretty much just a box of chocolates or a new mug and a card - once I forgot to get the card and just made a childish one out of a bit of folded paper and a drawing. So basically we acknowledge but don't make a thing of it.

I forgot to say we don't celebrate our anniversary because neither of us can remember the exact date and can't be bothered to fish out the wedding certificate to check.

Men think differently to women, and put 'importance' on other things. 'I work hard and pay the bills, so that shows her I love her'. Human Given did a fantastic seminar years ago called 'Brain Sex Matters', which went into this.
I think it's sheer laziness on your hubby's part. If it were me I'd give him the same treatment on his birthday/Christmas etc. On the whole men liked to be cared about and looked after, so wait for the response. Maybe sit down with him and explain how this makes you feel. I'm a CBT therapist and a great believer in talking and letting people know how I feel....assertive...but nice!!

I guess he had no idea that it would hurt you, so I agree with those who suggest your talking to him about it. Not to punish him, and don't sulk -these are ways to make sure you are both less happy - but just to tell him it has a meaning for you when he gives you a nice card or gift, or arranges a special meal. You care about him and value his care and love and wanted to share this with him.

Unless it was a pre-agreed arrangement I don’t think you are being unreasonable to have expected at least a card. I would have to mention it though as I wouldn’t want to leave it festering.

We are the same as justnoneed and nanaK54. We decided to give up buying gifts except for very special birthdays, the last one was our 70th 5 years ago when we bought each other rings. We do take time to choose a special card though and DH is very good at that.

YANBU and Happy Birthday! We infantilise our men if we do not expect them to do grown-up things, and part of that is remembering and marking significant occasions. It doesn't need to be expensive, it needs to be thoughtful! He should not take you for granted. Life can turn on a sixpence - one never knows what will happen (I've been widowed twice). Tell him in no uncertain terms how hurt you are. No need to give him hints or mark the calendar; if he's a grown-up he will make sure HE marks the calendar to remember your birthday/anniversary etc.

I woud expect a card at least. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. However I do arrange my own birthday 'treat' and when it's OHs birthday he chooses. Personally I would sulk too

A few weeks before my birthday this year my other half asked what I would like for my birthday and I said,there is nothing I really want but could we go away for a few days to a hotel we like instead, so he booked it and we had a really nice time away ? and he still produced a birthday card while we were away ??

Even if you don't 'need any new things' the lack of care of your feelings is disgusting. Part of loving someone is to take care not to hurt their feelings. I would have said yes you are right I do not need anything so how about taking me out for a film, meal, cream tea, theatre trip. As others said, mutual decision not to buy is fine but you can still do something nice together, not doing so is when relationships begin to die.

No gifts for years but he had always made very original birthday cards for me which I treasured. Now after 55 years of marriage, he has stopped doing that but on a rare shopping trip recently he was overjoyed to find a remaindered bundle of the most horrible cards for £1. He sent one to his sister and pointed out that now he could also send one to me on my birthday. He looked bemused when I told him they were a cheapjack lot and I would leave him if he gave me one.
It's not as bad as it sounds. He never listens when I point out something I would like, nor would he, except on the rarest occasions go out and look for a gift BUT he never objects when I buy whatever I choose.
As suggested elsewhere in this thread, I would just like the excitement of unwrapping a surprise

PS I do not have a OH (I presume that means other half), but my ex always sent flowers if working abroad or left money with our kind neighbours to buy chocs and flowers.