grand daughter buying a car

budds8- you are very welcome here. Just pop in and out as you feel like it. There are some lovely posters and good advice to be had.
Don't worry about controversy, it all adds to life's rich pattern!

Sorry folks have not been on comp for some time. Maybe I should not have been on at all as it is a few years since this happened. My family, my mother and father and other relatives, have never had fallings out about money or any other things. Just expect other families to be the same but obviously this is not the norm. I am just so sorry for my DD as she has been over the years giving my DH presents and fathers day cards etc. and he never gave a sign that he did not like her. Feel he has been very hypocritical and should have said something sooner. By the way my dd and ds's father hanged himself in 1992. So to have taken my DH in to their life was a big thing. My DH has no problem with my ds. Sorry everybody for not being on the posts all the time but life gets in the way some times. Thank you all for being there even if some of the comments have been negative. I am not used to posting and find it quite difficult.

Dear Budd get better soon. And mega stars for getting to grips with the internet and gransnet! I know if I were unwell I would very much want my DD to visit - and would certainly make that plain to my H. It does, alas, sound as if he is controlling you - which may just be his character or may be for financial gain should you God forbid die earlier. In which case he may be able to live in the house till he dies and gift away most of it to whomever he likes or to a new wife and her children. When you feel able I would certainly go to a solicitor with your will and ask what it implies. Can you do that, or do you rely on him to drive? Could your daughter take you?

I think your husband has been unreasonable. I am a widow with adult children although no grandchildren and I have not remarried. In similar circumstances, I believe I would be the guarantor for granddaughter. In theory, and with the benefit of hindsight, I might discuss it with husband first. However, it is easy for me to make remarks like this after the event having had time to think about it.

Much would depend on our financial situation too.

Budds please don’t feel you have to apologies for a bit of controversy after you ve been on a while you will realise controversy and niggling happens on nearly every thread even if you started one that said something very bland
Now I hope you start to feel better soon?
I just hope you are not in a controlling relationship as reading between the lines I m sorry to say that comes across, you tell us your daughter is lovely and caring as is your granddaughter but haven’t mentioned your husband since the first post and I find that concerning is he lovely and caring ? that’s a genuine question of concern

Thank you brismum my dd is very nice and and my gd is away on hols now. I am in my seventies and try hard to keep up with things. Have been laid low since having a fall in March and am trying to keep my spirits up. My dd works in a nursing home so is a very caring person. Really should shut up now as am becoming boring,

Thank you budds8. You take care. We’ll take the smile as a given. Get your gd to give you some advice, from my experience she’ll have more patience than your dd!

Sorry do not know why that was sent twice.

What makes me sad on the postings is how many of them are about money. I come from a family where money was not the main thing and it is so distressing that so many families are being broken up about money. Suppose that is modern day living but is a bit sad I think.

What makes me sad on the postings is how many of them are about money. I come from a family where money was not the main thing and it is so distressing that so many families are being broken up about money. Suppose that is modern day living but is a bit sad I think.

Sorry to have caused so much controversy. I am not on computer every day and did not know what it would cause. This was my first try at gransnet and I am not used to sharing my life with anybody. Thank you all the ones who seemed to understand. The lunch with my gd did not happen as I was not very well again. She understood and was ok with this. My gd had birthday yesterday and dd had wedding anniversary. My gd was born on my dd 1st anniversary. Also my bf 80th birthday. Nice time was had by all. Take care all posters and forgive us who have less experience with posting. Sorry would have added a smile but am not very comp literate.

Nothing wrong with hoping, but it was turning into a bit of a diatribe which must have felt rather uncomfortable for the OP to read when she returned.

Also, a lot of people by the time they have felt desperate enough to reveal a problem here, are possibly not in an emotional place that allows them to think about the needs of the other thread participants.
Yes, I can understand that pov too - but it is not the needs of the other thread participants - rather that they hope they will hear that things have improved, moved on, for the OP.

^ReadyMeals*
"Well you asked our advice, now the due payment is that you give up your privacy and time and tell us how it all works out" which while satisfying to our curiosity is somehow not in the spirit of supporting and comforting.
I don't think that is what posters are expecting - but perhaps they are wondering why, when someone starts a thread with a thorny problem and asks for advice, they often do disappear without even an acknowledgement or a thank you for the advice and help from other posters - some of who may have written about their own personal experience in the belief that it could help the OP.

There are some threads which are started which are obviously rather 'odd' but it is disconcerting to read an OP where someone may sound quite distressed with an unusual problem then is never heard from again.

It does make one wonder.

Anyway, budds has responded and told us she wasn't well - I hope you're feeling better now and that you had a lovely day with your GD.

ps did you invite her back for a afterwards? I do hope so!
If not, I hope you invite the whole family round soon to your house.

Glad you ve come back Budd and hope you are feeling better
Three years is too long I m glad your meeting your granddaughter for lunch I m glad you could help her BUT enough is enough please tell your husband he no longer has any need to dictate who can or can’t come to your shared home and that your family are welcome whenever they or you want ( whether they would want to come is a different matter) and if he doesn’t like it he can buxxer off

Invite your family round, inform him when they're coming and tell him to leave and return when their gone if he doesn't wish to see them.
Sounds like a bully and probably wouldn't do or say anything if the family arrived all together on mass.
I would also make a point of telling him when you went to visit them and if he objected say well your not happy about them coming here.

Well if I may venture my head above the parapet, there are as always two, if not more sides to this.
First, OPs often ask for advice or help on very complicated or difficult issues without a lot of information. Why we should feel able to trust complete strangers with something so personal is another matter, but it can happen that the OP subsequently adds further information which can cast a different aspect on the original problem.
So members ask questions, make suggestions and, frequently make judgements based on what they have read.
Some go to considerable length, often giving the benefit of personal or professional experience so it can be reassuring to know that OP has read that.
At the end of the day, nobody is forced to do anything, but there are times when it seems that the OPs have moved on, may not want further discussion of their issue or indeed that there has been a resolution of the problem.
If the latter, then there is no point in further consideration of the issue by members joining in later.
It can be a way if saying “Thank you for your input/problem solved/gone away/going to do my own thing whatever “ but the bottom line is that he or she may not want us going on and on about it.
Is that unreasonable?
There is of course the other sort of OP (not this one) where something quite contentious or shocking (or even banal) is posted and then we hear no more which can leave one wondering was this just to stimulate discussion? Just a bit of fun? (The onesie/plimsoll/school uniform/GD not allowed to go to the loo in school/ type of thread)
Just expressing opinion, not worried, Bluegal merely an observation.

ReadyMeals, good post.

I know what you mean, but on the other hand, I feel as if it's like saying "Well you asked our advice, now the due payment is that you give up your privacy and time and tell us how it all works out" which while satisfying to our curiosity is somehow not in the spirit of supporting and comforting. Also, a lot of people by the time they have felt desperate enough to reveal a problem here, are possibly not in an emotional place that allows them to think about the needs of the other thread participants.

Glad to see that budds8 has responded and things are ok ish! I too get frustrated when updates don’t happen and agree with willa45 and MawBroon that it is a courtesy we can expect (and usually get) although I appreciate that people’s circumstances can differ!

if there is anyone else going through a similar rough patch maybe the advice given here will help them. I must admit I now a bit confused about just how bad things are with Budd

Goodness... A step back and deep breath please! My post was to remind (OPs only) to acknowledge the generous advice of others by responding (at some point in their thread) out of consideration. For some reason my words seem to have had the opposite effect even though they were written in good faith and no offense intended.

PS... I concurred with Mawbrooms comments because I too take issue with (OP) posters who pour their hearts out, and after everyone rushes in to help, and we never hear again.

Well you're still maintaining a friendship with your relatives, and I guess DH can stay home and fester. His loss, your nice day out.

Should say I never thought to discuss this with my dh as we both have some money of our own and he spends his as he likes too.

Thank you all for your posts and advice. Sorry to not replying earlier but have been a bit unwell. I am seeing gd tomorrow for lunch so that is nice. One reason I went guarantor was that gd had been married for 8 months and her dh went off with someone else and she was having a hard time. Just wanted to give her something nice in her life.