AIBU wanting him to die quickly?

oh my best wishes with this difficult situation.

Not unreasonable at all dragonfly46. Anybody who has witnessed love ones suffering hope and pray they do not linger. Its not that you want rid of them...you just want peace for them.

I do hope (and pray) your poor dad doesn't have to suffer on like this for much longer.

You should not feel guilty. I feel very sorry for you. I wish your father all the very best and hope that his end, when it comes, is as peaceful and pain-free as possible.

Just to say I was where you are this time last year. I was praying for the phone to
Ring with the news as my DD had suffered enough. He managed to last a month without food or fluids and just faded away which was horrendous. I feel sad that I couldn’t do more to support. I couldn’t even spend a lot of time with him as it was affecting my own mental health. You will feel guilty but you shouldn’t x

Dear Dragonfly, I hope you are going to see the doctor who looks after the patients at the care home. Do ask to see him/her. Do see if you could get your father moved to a hospice. Is he on a pressure relieving mattress?
Make it very clear that you do not want him to go to hospital again but to be kept comfortable at home. You may have to put that in writing.
You ANBU. It is only kind that you wish his end to be comfortable.
My thoughts are with you.

Like many others here, I have also been in the position of feeling the best I could wish for a parent is a swift and peaceful end. My DM had a devastating stroke and died 10 months later. I live at the other end of the country but, thankfully have a brother and sister who were able to visit frequently and make the decisions. Do not feel guilty Dragonfly. I hope this distressing time will not go on to long.

So Sorry Dragonfly
Unbearable situation.
I have been the same situation with both my parents.
Please do not feel guilty.

Pain and suffering is only something that humans have to endure.

To answer your question oldbatty it’s an Enduring Power of Attorney

When looking at parental last weeks and months, think what you'd want for yourself. You would not feel guilty about not wanting this kind of life for yourself!

My OH is at great risk of pressure sores (6.7 stones and relatively immobile), and has already had one small one. As soon as this happened, the district nurses and OTs were there like a shot. He has a hospital bed that he can change position in, a special mattress, and a cushion for the day. He has a bed cradle and silicone cups for his heels in bed. He has creams and sprays to deal with any red skin. They are falling over themselves to prevent pressure sores appearing and we are so grateful for their help.

It can be done with dedication from the nursing staff.

Please do not feel guilty dragonfly - of course you want his suffering to end; and so does he. Similarly to many on here I watched all this with my parents. I felt no guilt about wishing their lives would end - it was nothing but common humanity.

thanks for answering Bella

When my mother died, aged 96, I felt relief. She had dementia for several years and looking after her took a huge toll on me. I remember my aunt saying 'you will eventually remember her as she used to be' and that is true. My sympathies Dragonfly.

Liz 46, one thing that really helped us remember our mother as she used to be, was a lovely letter she'd written (pre dementia) to us all, to be opened after she was gone. It was like having our 'old' mother back again, after she'd been to all intents and purposes lost to us for so long.

Memo to self, must do the same for my dds!