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AIBU to be annoyed by this

(97 Posts)
wiggle Mon 02-Jul-18 15:44:54

Yesterday our neighbours had a family party in the garden. It started at 12 and went on until 8pm. There was no especially loud music or anything like that but a lot of people talking and laughing (around 30 of them) the entire time. I like my neighbours very much and respect that in this weather people want to be outdoors and should be able to have people over. But it meant that we ended up indoors the entire time because you literally couldn't hear yourself think over the noise, let alone read or hold a conversation. 30 people laughing, chatting and shouting at the same time is quite loud.

I have no objection to people having fun obviously and they were having fun, and it's not like it went on late or anything. But it's not the first such gathering they have had this summer and I assume it won't be the last so am I being unreasonable at being annoyed that we got 9 solid hours of party noise that stopped us being able to enjoy our garden on a sunny weekend? I should maybe add that we have people round regularly but never that many and certainly never for that long. We also try not to make noise in the garden in the evenings in case we disturb their baby.

Feelingmyage55 Mon 02-Jul-18 15:57:52

First rule if neighbours are having a large party is to invite the NDNs. The weather is exceptional. It stopped at 8 pm. Sunday is a family day. Family is important. I would let it go. If it was every single Sunday that would be different. Once a month seems fine. No fighting? No swearing? It sounds as if they are nice, family orientated people. .... go round with cake and join in? I made lifelong friends that way.

patpb Mon 02-Jul-18 16:00:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable. When you live in close proximity to tothers it is only fair to be courteous to them in the way you would like them to be towards you. Of course there is nothing wrong with having a party in your garden but the least you can do is warn people who will be affected by it. If everyone just did what they wanted without thinking about others it would be very unfair. We were at friends yesterday trying to enjoy a quiet lunch which the people next door blasted out heavy metal music the entire time. Yes live and let live but equally do unto others as you would be done to

wiggle Mon 02-Jul-18 16:02:45

I think if you warn or invite the neighbours it is different. We like them but we don't expect to go to a family party. But the noise was relentless with a lot of loud children's toys and even with the windows open it was loud. I agree that it could have been much worse though and they are very nice neighbours. We have been on good terms since they moved in five years ago. I think the heat is making us less tolerant than we might otherwise be

wiggle Mon 02-Jul-18 16:03:18

I'm just having a moan really because I wanted to sit in the garden and read my book.

sodapop Mon 02-Jul-18 16:16:36

I agree with Feelingmyage If its not weekly and doesn't involve loud music or anti-social behaviour then let it go,
Your neighbours are ok otherwise so maintain good relationships. Perhaps you could wear headphones if you want to sit in the garden. The heat makes me irritable as well so I can appreciate how you feel.

Bluegal Mon 02-Jul-18 16:20:06

I've got quite a big family and extended family; hubby and I always seem to be hosting family parties of one description or another (or rather we are nominated to have them at our house). I realise the noise can be deafening at times (as I said on another thread why do young kids have to scream so much?) so I invite the neighbours. On the basis that they can either come along or take appropriate action. I do apologise if it gets unusually loud (At the last children's party I had an entertainer who came with microphone!!) and I generally take cakes round after.

FWIW I do think UABU a tad - as you say you like your neighbours and they did finish at a reasonable time. Perhaps if they had pre-warned you, you would not have minded so much? Or would it be better manners for people who live in close proximity to other people not to host? Not really enforceable though is it? I never like to annoy anybody but maybe my neighbours are reaching for the ear plugs and raising eyebrows.... They seem o.k. about it but who knows?

Luckygirl Mon 02-Jul-18 16:38:26

I understand how you feel - they should have let you know, or even better invited you! But it is not worth falling out over. It was over at a reasonable hour.

eazybee Mon 02-Jul-18 16:58:19

It would have been courteous to have informed you, and possibly invited you; my daughter and her partner had a birthday barbecue recently, and invited the neighbours and the Aged Ps; we came, chatted and went, much earlier than everyone else, but were gratified to have been included.
I think you are right about the hot weather; I would seriously like to murder my neighbour, ( well, shout SHUT UP loudly) ; she talks all day, and because her husband has escaped for the afternoon she is phoning people and having lengthy conversations by her wide open windows, which is why I am inside using the computer on this glorious afternoon.

patd Mon 02-Jul-18 17:29:52

My neighbours had a party Saturday one of their birthdays enjoyed every minute of it music, laughter and people having a great time in the sun, one problem they are philipinos so didnt understand the language lol. I am a pensioner living on my own so it was lovely to hear them enjoying themselves.

ginny Mon 02-Jul-18 17:40:31

I think as long as it is not every day then it wouldn’t bother me. Lovely these days to hear of families having fun together when you think of so many who don’t have time for each other. We had family round yesterday, enjoyed a BBQ and there was a bit of silly singing involved as well as a couple of games involving much laughter. No complaints from the neighbours so far.

annodomini Mon 02-Jul-18 17:58:21

Rather the sound of people enjoying themselves than yappy dogs or the constant hum of lawnmowers, strimmers, chainsaws and whatever other garden machinery comes out of the shed at this time of year. I suppose lawn mowers won't be much in use until we get some rain, though!
I can recommend headphones which can be used to listen to music or radio plays while you sit in the garden.

MawBroon Mon 02-Jul-18 18:05:59

A family party on a Sunday afternoon which is over by 8? Talking and laughing? No loud music? Presumably a one off?
What on Earth are you complaining about (unless it is that you were not invited!)
I am afraid YABU there’s a lot worse some people have to put up with.

Jalima1108 Mon 02-Jul-18 18:10:40

Our neighbours had a gathering in their garden yesterday afternoon as well (for a group of their friends who were non-neighbours).
They apologised in advance, then apologised again during the party asking if the music was 'too loud' and I said that it wasn't loud enough, I couldn't hear it properly (true- it was just low enough that you couldn't make out the tunes).

annsixty Mon 02-Jul-18 18:39:03

As a one off I would have not have minded especially as it was over by 8pm.
We have neighbours whose parties tend to go on very late but not often.
The only thing that does annoy me is when everyone is going they still stand talking on the drive after being together for several hours and they all bang car doors very loudly.

BlueBelle Mon 02-Jul-18 18:44:00

Sorry my love yes you are being unreasonable you can’t moan about laughter and talking just because you want a quiet afternoon If they had a very smokey BBQ blowing all over you or it went in till nidnigh5 or there was loud obnoxious music yes have a moan but people having fun on a Sunday afternoon doesn’t sound bad to me I d have stayed in the garden and enjoyed ear wigging into the gossip ?

Telly Mon 02-Jul-18 19:29:30

Don't see why they could not have a family party - its not as if they can do it very often as it will be wet or they will be at work etc. It is the penalty we pay for living so close to each other, although of course other people's noise is much more annoying than our own. Live and let live. Have a plan B ie go out when it is likely to be an issue.

ajanela Mon 02-Jul-18 20:20:05

Yes you are being unreasonable. So you want to spoil 30 people's family fun so you can sit in a quiet garden. Just think you are lucky you have a garden and don't live in a flat with noise neighbours upstairs.

Melanieeastanglia Mon 02-Jul-18 21:05:51

In an ideal world, they ought to have said something in advance (I would) but I guess they just didn't think and got carried away enjoying themselves. If they are nice people in general terms, I would avoid saying anything as it's not every week and there was no obnoxious behaviour. Taking neighbours to task rarely ends well.

Yes, it's irritating but it doesn't seem as if it happens often and the heatwave won't last forever.

Feelingmyage55 Mon 02-Jul-18 21:20:14

wiggle sort of an apology - my neighbour has been on the phone since after lunch screeching down the phone. Like eazybee’s neighbour, her OH has gone off to golf. I put earphones on as she was talking about someone else’s operation. Stuff for Alan Bennett, but it was sooooo antisocial. I might have to take my comment back. She was a teacher - obviously speaking/shouting at the naughty pair at the back of the class.

Eloethan Mon 02-Jul-18 21:26:48

I'm sorry but I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It's not as if it's every week.

Booming music, day-in-day out, would be unreasonable in my view. But a rather noisy party that finishes fairly early would be OK in my books.

cavewoman Mon 02-Jul-18 21:47:15

If I were you I would be banging on their door .... demanding to know why you were not invited!
We regularly have outdoor parties with our neighbours and their families. We are five couples living in fairly close proximity and love our extended family gatherings.
Sometimes it's good to step outside of your comfort zone.
Next time you have a "do" wiggle, invite your neighbours.

lemongrove Mon 02-Jul-18 22:02:54

Sounds as if they were having a good time, but equally you shouldn't be creeping about quietly in your own garden, so invite your own friends over this hot weather and chat and laugh loudly whenever you like.?

Cabbie21 Mon 02-Jul-18 22:13:05

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed after nine hours, but
a) it could have been a lot worse and
b) they could have warned you.
I wouldn’t be making anything of it though.

grannyactivist Mon 02-Jul-18 22:25:19

I think you just wanted to vent a little bit maybe? Finishing at eight o'clock after a lovely Sunday afternoon in the garden seems quite reasonable to me. I hope you were you able to sit in your garden today to make up for it. smile