Thank you tradition.

This would really annoy and upset me too Alexa

This question of thanking someone for a present applies to EVERYONE, young and old.

If I have taken the time and trouble to buy someone (friend or family) a present, or had given them money as a gift, it should be acknowledged by a 'thank you'.

I am not interested in any excuses about 'oh it's how things are these days with he young'. To not thank you is incredibly rude isn't it?

In your position I would make my feelings known to the young man, and if nothing changed then the gifts would stop, grandson or not.

Sometimes grandkids especially boys although in my case the boy who lives nearest me and the elder ( late teens )is still demonstrative and will come give me a kiss in the street but his slightly younger sister is totally embarrassed by me I don’t do anything I don’t think to embarrass her but she is quite shy and doesn’t like any attention and I m an old gal who waves like a crazy woman if I see her and I can see her shrink When I went with her to the city and she was going to meet some friends after our meal I was politely asked to please not come past the area she was meeting up with them ?
Could he be shy/ retiring or Just past being out and about with a gran ?
That doesn’t forgive the lack of thank you but could it be the reason around the lack of being together I m really not sure how many 21 year olds are really wanting to be with theif grans to be totally honest
I think your loneliness is at the heart of this and looking for comfort or companionship from a young man is not the answer That may be more of the answer to your concerns

gmelon, I was not a significant part of his life when he was a child. Perhaps this is the reason for his lack of respect now. He perhaps genuinely lacks any feeling for me at all as I am now irrelevant. If so, it's too late for me to do anything about the relationship or lack of.

However since he became an older teenager he has several times been positively rude for no good reason as I am quiet and unassuming, don't force myself on his attention, and hardly ever see him.

I agree that I cannot change another person's behaviour. I am simply puzzled how to go on from now. It really could be bad for him for all this to go unremarked, and I suspect a little upsetting for his father who is an exceptionally good son to me. I think it is actually bad for someone to be rude to his grandmother and consider that is okay. I never told his father what happened between the boy and myself.

BlueBelle, My loneliness is a fact, although I deal with my situation quite well in the circs.

Please believe that I don't seek unrealistic comfort or companionship from him, just lack of unleasantness( such as yawning in my face,)and some normal courtesy on the rare and brief occasions when we do meet.

Oh dear Alexa I wasn’t suggesting anything out of the norm in your relationship just trying to help you see it may be normal for 21 year olds to pull away I was hoping my post would giv evyou some comfort Sorry if it didn’t
Yawning in your face sounds very childish behaviour Does this young man work ?

whoa! I'm getting cross now....he yawned in your face?

Alexa, with respect, given how he behaves I wouldn’t give him a bl**dy thing from now on.

He's a university student, BlueBelle. Please believe me you have been helpful, and thank you. Yes, that is true, all the rudenesses were childish. He is very intelligent and has friends.

I am beginning to see that I should be more forthright and say immediately and calmly when some behaviour is unacceptable. I am a bit of a scaredy cat.

oh dear Alexa I think you have to hope he will return to you when he matures a bit more and I think I d cut your generosity back a bit too
Do talk to us on here about anything, it does help loneliness I m not that lonely but I am alone and I love talking to people on here, fills in many a moment

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to expect a thank you. It’s common courtesy, and, as JenniferEccles says, age shouldn’t come into it. He doesn’t sound particularly well mannered if he yawns in your face, too. I think you should tell him that that kind of thing (yawning in your face) is totally unacceptable. At the moment, he doesn’t sound very deserving of any gifts from you, and I’m inclined to agree with muffinthemoo. I’m afraid his intelligence doesn’t appear to extend to having respect for his grandma.

I’m sorry, I think, on reading again, my last sentence sounds a bit harsh.
Please keep posting here on GN. It’s a great place to come when looking for advice or a friendly ear. I hope things resolve in a positive way for you very soon. ?

Grandchildren whatever their ages are not exempted from the usual good manners we would expect from anyone else. My adult grandson also went through a stage ( short lived) of not thanking people. I told him in no uncertain terms that this was unacceptable. Our relationship has flourished after plain speaking.
Your love and kindness should be appreciated not treated with contempt.

If he doesn't say thank you, do not give him anything next time present giving time comes along. If someone gives you something, you acknowledge it, Anything else is bad manners.

I would send a message saying hope you had a great day night or whatever and that you liked the present. See you soon etc Then you should get a reply saying thanks hopfully

"he has shown himself unfriendly too often for me to be mistaken about his possible hostility or whatever it is"

It sounds pretty clear to me . He is routinely nasty to you. You're suggestion that "maybe he is shy" is a grandmother's way of glossing over his actual behaviours. I'm sure that by the time someone gets to 21, shyness would have been a known thing , not something you'd still be wondering about.

In your shoes I'd stop giving him things. He's at an age where it's normal to stop giving anyway - he isn't a child any longer and I'm pretty sure he doesn't give you anything so why continue ?

Stella, a very good question "why continue?" I will have to look to my own motives.

Many thanks to everyone for your kind and well thought out advice and suggestions.

Its a bit of a cliche but could you challenge yourself to be a bit more active in finding company?

Do a bit of volunteering....to take your mind off things.

Not easy I know. Somebody was unbelievably rude to me yesterday. Its not easy for sure.

Time to knock giving him presents on the head then. He is 21 now and an adult. He should know what is and what is not acceptable behaviour.

It is NOTHING to do with “how things are done nowadays”
Thank you is easier to say than ever before ...so long as the thankee does not insist on a two page letter in fountain pen on headed notepaper posted first class (which is what I had to do)

I am afraid that it does seem that it happens a lot nowadays and not only with youngsters.
I once read that someone suggested sending a cheque but leaving it unsigned (after all we forget things as we are getting older) !
I am going to do this with a relative who did not say thank you .
Win -win situation.
The person will either have to contact you to say what you have done (or didn't do) or ignore it and you will save the money.
If you did see the person concerned and nothing was mentioned you could say that it hasn't appeared on your Bank Statement and wondered why it had not been paid in.
I suspect that you can only try this one out once though.

My 3year old grandson is always saying thank you for eg his box of ice lollies or a gingerbread man it is lovely to hear and that he does not take everything for granted .Mind you this morning on the phone he has put in an shopping order for ice lollies and a gingerbread man when we look after him tomorrow .Who can't indulge!

I wouldn’t send money to anyone who didn't thank me, and at 21 I wouldn’t be giving gifts at all unless they were reciprocated. I’d expect the odd bouquet or bottle of fizz from him at least, it shouldn’t be all one way at that age.

If the grandkids ever forget my son or daughters always 'remind' them- but the older grandkids(20 &19) are old enough not to need reminding and usually i at least get a mumbled thank you.(its an older teen thing i think- like its slightly embaressing to use manners in this day& age of technology

Never mind knocking presents on the head, I think I would knock him on the head if he yawned in my face.