Thank you tradition.

Its the way most people teach their children to say thank you.
It sounds like this person needs a brush up on this particular lesson.

I give birthday and Christmas presents to all my children, grandchildren and great children regardless of age. I can’t imagine not giving them a present just because they grow up. Unless a gift is given face to face, it’s rare for me to get a thank you from the older grandchildren but rare not to get a thank you from the younger ones who I imagine do it at their parent’s behest. I don’t begrudge the lack of a thank you (but I do notice it) not am I ever tempted to stop giving gifts because I don’t get a thank you in return. Family is family and I try to treat them as I would like to be treated.

Friends, acquaintances, nieces, nephews etc. are another matter. The latter get presents until they are 18 with no thank you strings attached. The former only get presents if I wish to buy them something and a lack of a thank you would most probably mean that I didn’t get the urge to buy anything the following year.

I always buy something for family new babies and thank yous sometimes come and sometimes don’t. I gave a niece what I thought was a generous monetary wedding present recently but got no acknowledgement at all. I thought that was very bad manners since I think wedding presents should always be acknowledged.

I think the best attitude to take for ones state of mind is to give without expecting anything in return and, if you can’t do that, don’t give.

I hope that doesn’t sound too trite.

I know from experience with my own children and my mother who didn’t really bother with them at all ever, that the child and grandparent relationship can sometimes be a strained and rather remote one. I think a lack of contact especially in the early years prevents the strong bond which we would all like to have with our family members.

My granddaughter recently had her 17 th birthday. I visited her the day before and handed over a card with money enclosed which she put to one side till the next day. I have heard no more. Personally I do not find this acceptable. She could easily have texted. However she thanks every single person, including me, who sends her good wishes on Facebook. I have to be satisfied with that.
I send my nephew one cheque to cover his three children’s Birthdays. I know it gets paid in, but that’s it. I gave up on Christmas presents when I did not even hear that my carefully chosen gifts had arrived safely. As we never meet up, except at weddings and funerals, it is hard to maintain a relationship. Sad, isn’t it.

I'm not sure gift giving and chalking up the amount or format of thanks is a good way to improve family relations.

What do I know? My family is truly horrendous.

old batty wrote:

"I'm not sure gift giving and chalking up the amount or format of thanks is a good way to improve family relations."

This is what I have been unsure about! I have rationalised that a nice gift does not imply reciprocity. I was mistaken.

I am not Jesus Christ and I do expect to be recognised as a person with feelings otherwise I feel and actually am not recognised as existing.

The time has come for me to have more pride in myself and stop sucking -up.

Tartlet, I read your post carefully, and I wonder if you yourself have that, perhaps unspoken, strong bond with your grand children which resulted from early years bonding with them and them with you.

yes , pride in oneself very good. I like that.

If ever we go out for dinner, or meet with friends or family, I always email or text the next day to thank them for a nice time. I don’t always receive the same courtesy. I never receive thanks from nieces or nephews for money gifts and that does gal me somewhat. It is so easy these days to keep in touch and everyone seems to be on screens for hours, so why not a quick line.