Thank you tradition.

I eventually stopped sending to some of my grandkids, when they were old enough to say thank you or write/email/text. I told them if they can't be bothered to say thank you, then I can't be bothered to buy them a gift. I have an 11 year old GD who always writes and sends a thank you card, the other 2 don't even get a card, they are 19 and 23 years.

I sent money to my great-granddaughter for her birthday and for the 3rd time (2 birthdays and a Christmas) I didn't receive even an acknowledgement of it.
So I wrote saying how disappointed I was and she obviously didn't need the money in future.
I've neither heard from her or her mother since. In my opinion, their financial loss and my financial gain.

It is all a question of manners which parents ought to be responsible for: we always were but nowadays that seems to have been forgotten about.

A couple of times my granddaughter didn't acknowledge a birthday card containing money. Next time I sent just the card and got a thanks for the card. I then sent the money and said I hadn't sent it before as I wasn't sure I still had the right address.
That worked fine and I now get a text or FB message of thanks.

I dont know why a few are suggesting people have to stop giving presents to older kids/grandkids?- my family give me birthday/christmas presents so why should we stop giving them one for theirs?you would perhaps give a friend a gift maybe?-so why not family?to just stop giving a gift at all is just mean.with older ones i just give one gift or cap the cost as theyre no longer little kids but i couldnt not give anything!If moneys a problem give a book token or gift token or offer help in some way?- babysitting or gardening for your sons/daughters?-or a small gift for the home for whole family?Or whatevers appropriate for older grandkids?teach them to swim or knit or ride a bike or bake?all skills they will appreciate.small kids are happy with any small gift you can afford to give- its the thought that counts.

My action plan is if I don't get any kind of thank you, written, verbal, electronic or whatever for present No.1, I send the present No.2, Christmas or birthday. If after this present there is still no 'thank you', that's it. NOWT next time.

I was asked why I didn't sent presents to some and not to others, I replied I thought the ones I didn't send to anymore didn't like either of the two presents I had sent as they hadn't said thank for either one, so it was pointless me wasting my money. (What's not to like about a registered letter with money in??)

Its fair to say my own kids have been brought up with manners,so thats why now they do encourage it in their own kids- often ive handed over a gift and then their parents come into room & ask if theyve said thank you but they always have already.

Alexa and others in the same quandary: In my husband's family, it has only been the custom to give birthday and Christmas presents to children until they reached their majority. Present giving to adult relations is confined to those who you actually see on their birthdays or at Christmas.

I admit I found this a very odd custom when we were newly married, but have come to see the good side of it.

I would simply stop giving presents to those who do not have the courtesy to say thank you for them, but you might want to consider the solution used in my husband's family. After all, a 21 year old grandson has legally been an adult for quite some time now.

And no, you are not being unreasonable to expect a thank you, either by phone, text message or e-mail.

I think you're absolutely entitled to expect a thank you for gifts given to your grandson, and he's old enough to know that he should! My grandchildren are 13 and 17 and always say thank you, and say it like they mean it! Have a word!

Technology makes it so much easier to say thank you these days - no need to sit and write a letter, stamp an envelope and walk to the post box - it’s just a thoughtful text or a two minute phone call - personally I would tell him that much as you love him and delight in buying him a birthday and Christmas gift, you do want to know that what you have bought is something he likes and that he needs to at least make the effort to tell you that and to give his thanks.

I was brought up to say thank you for any gesture or present and I have brought up my child to do the same. But I am appalled at some members of my family who never say thank you whatever you give them or do for them. Its like they take it for granted. When you think they are all on social networks or mobile phones a few manners and a few minutes would not go amiss. But I do think its a reflection on the way they are brought up.

Good answer

I have a simple rule that applies to all, no thank you, no more presents. Simple

My stepdaughter was positively abusive to both her father and her aunt when both presented her with expensive gifts which she should have appreciated and thanked them for. Received furious phone call from my sister-in-law when the piece of jewellery she had sent was rudely refused....What can you do about such ungrateful attitudes. Haven’t spoken to stepdaughter since this happened...

It is doing young people a disservice to allow them to be rude and ungrateful. I should have a quiet word with the boy's parents along the lines of, 'Did X get my - whatever - as I have not heard anything back? I wonder whether it is lost in the post. Could you ask him?'

If the parents do not get the hint then cease the gift giving.

However, it is worth persevering for the boy's sake as if he acts towards others like this he will be at the top of nobody's queue for employment or friendship.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It is just good manners. It used to drive me mad when nieces and nephews didn't send a thank you note of any sort and in some cases I stopped sending gifts. If they couldn't be bothered to thank me I couldn't be bothered to remember birthdays etc. Fortunately all my DGC send thank yous. Initially DC wrote them, and they added a picture or a squiggle at the bottom, now they are notes written by them. I don't want an epistle just a simple thank you. Manners cost nothing ( well maybe a stamp ?)

I don’t bother giving gifts/ cards to nieces or their children anymore. I never get an acknowledgement. I sent a card and money to my best friends daughter for her wedding. She could have screwed itup and thrown it in the bin for all I know. It’s really annoying me now as best friend had a lovely thank you card. When the first baby comes along, they can whistle

I have experienced this on several occasions, and it annoys me very much. Apart from anything else, if you've posted a gift you want to know if it's arrived. Like others, I was brought up to write thank you letters and taught my children to do the same. I blame the parents!

I agree that a simple thank you costs nothing,especially these days with text, face book messenger, whatsapp and email ?
speaking only for myself, I don’t think I could just stop giving presents to my family even if they did not thank me. Fortunately it has never yet happened.

I do think it is down to the parents to teach their children to say thank you for presents from when they are young. Most of my grandchildren have always sent a note or said thank you in person. Only the children of one daughter have not and when there were no thanks forthcoming after her eldest child's first communion gifts (money was requested) we were told that the Irish don't think it necessary to say thank you. ???? What a load of cobblers.
I stop giving cards and money when my grandchildren are 21. I started putting money into the greatgrandchildrens bank accounts for birthdays and Christmas but the parents couldnt be bothered to say thank you so I stopped. Those grandchildren cant even be be bothered to say happy birthday to me on FB let alone send a card or message so if that's the modern way I will do the same.

My nieces stopped saying thank you, so I stopped giving.

No of course you're not being U. Just stop the giving. If any comment is made say 'Oh I thought you wouldn't mind, you never said when you did get presents'.

Sometimes confronting someone about their behaviour does work. I wouldn't do it in a censorious manner, more in the way of genuine concern ie 'have I offended you?' He has to be alerted to the fact that his attitude is less than pleasant, and a passive approach is better than aggressive, and it sounds as if that would be easier for you.

Surely there must be a better way then " they didn't say thank you so they're not having anything else"

I would be Inclined to forget the next birthday.
Have you spoken to his parents about your feelings?Were they ever , what appears to be, as ungrateful
Can you recall whether he ever said please and thank you as a child.?